Wednesday, June 16, 2010


Well well.

Welcome June. I have been neglecting you with my incredible wit for far too long.

Here are some Roller Derby names that I have thought of recently in case anyone needs one:

Marge Urine
Jeane Shorts
Jean Sharts

Yesterday I was really feeling proactive. I had heard that the Department of Agriculture and Department of Health and Human Services were about to release some new dietary guidelines. As many of you know I am a very busy person and I can't be bothered to wait for a report to come out before making sweeping life changes. It turns out that I should have waited because my assumptions on the new report were drastically off base.

I was under the impression that they wanted you to eat: granola bars that had been in your hot car for breakfast, coffee, Healthy Choice microwave lunch bowls for lunch, and cookies, Cheetos & Chocolate brownie frozen yogurt for dinner.

It turns out that the new report is actually in favor of "slashing salt and fat, increasing vegetables and exercise." Who could have seen that coming? Well I think that I will finish off 2010 with my plan and then switch to the Government's plan in January. Well not January 1st because I'll still be partying. Oh and the 2nd is on a Sunday and you can't start something so important on a Sunday. January 3rd it is.

But seriously folks, with the exception of yesterday I have been doing a pretty good job eating and exercising. I have tried to switch up the routines as to not get bored: Walking, biking, weights, Boot Camp class at work, Some crazy TRX class where you do exercises with your own body weight...... It seems to be working for now. I moved a belt loop in the right direction.

My mom called and told me that I should be a personal trainer. She thinks that I have a good personality for working with people like that. I told her that she is probably right and that would be fun, but I think you actually have to be in good shape to be a credible personal trainer. Maybe someday.

A lot of people have been complaining about the crazy horns (vuvuzela) at the world cup that sound like a swarm of locusts, but I think they are awesome. It creates a cool atmosphere. It makes you feel like this futbol match determines whether or not the world explodes. Pretty bad ass.

Did I mention that my dog Wicket bit a baby Possum in half a few weeks ago? Well she did. It was gross and I had to pick up the pieces with two empty pizza boxes and put it in the dumpster. I think that my special lady friend might have got the worse end of the cleanup though. Wicket came in the house with her mouth dripping with her frothy excitement and baby possum blood. Gross.

Is that the proper mental image to end a blog entry with?

How about this:

Look forward to an upcoming blog about Angels. It will be epic.


Jessica said...

jean sharts.

Smarty McFly said...

That was a nice segway from you being a personal trainer into the World Cup crazy horns.

Joanne said...

I dont think Cheetos are part of a balanced diet, try Pork Cracklins. I think they have more fat and less carbs.

joven said...

beautiful blog..pls visit mine and be a follower.. thanks and God bless..

joven said...

beautiful blog..pls visit mine and be a follower.. thanks and God bless..

joven said...

beautiful blog..pls visit mine to,and be a follower..thanks and God bless..