emergency pudding

The solitude of winter

2012-02-03T20:59:00.001-06:00

How about that for a title?

Last night I was riding on the train and I noticed this guy sleeping across from me. I was afraid he was foaming at the mouth or had really yellow teeth because his mouth was sort of open. It turned out it was his gum which proceeded to fall out of his mouth and rest on his sweatshirt for about 15 minutes even after he woke up. He also did something I have never seen someone do. He very slowly took some toilet paper and rolled it up like a joint. He then moistened one end and started to clean/wipe inside his eyelids. It was all very strange.

After that epic train ride I met my good friend Joe downtown for some hanging and drinks. It was good to see Joe especially since I live far away and he is moving way out in the burbs in st. Louie. We ended up at some college bar called Skeeters (I think). The beer was cheap for Chicago and they had a giant jenga setup. It was amazing. This picture does not do it justice.

This weekend is going to be rough because I don't have cable and duh the Puppy Bowl is on Sunday. I'll try to make the best of it.

This

2012-01-17T18:40:00.001-06:00

www.drunkronswanson.com

What day it is

2012-01-14T17:09:00.001-06:00

I started to doubt that Chicago had the season I have come to know as winter, but I think it finally arrived. Which is fine. There was some snow the other day. It was very pretty and I didn't have to drive anywhere so I'm all for anything that meets those two criteria. The puppies seem to enjoy it too. I think they have been bored so anything new is very exciting.

I have been soooo busy with work that I barely know what day it is. Nothing too bad though. Just busy.

I thought for a few minutes about trying to buy Coachella tickets. Refused & Godspeed! You Black Emperor among many others will be there, but I've been there before and I'm hoping they will make their way to Chicago. I feel like I love most Swedish things except for most of the food (stinkheads).

This was uber boring, but I'm trying to get in the practice of writing again.. so deal with it.

Roof

2011-12-21T00:33:00.001-06:00

I went on a roof in Lakeview. It pretty much ruled.

Couch in the Bathroom

2011-12-20T21:13:00.002-06:00

One of my favorite things lately has been listening to Beach House in the shower. That might sound very depressing, but for reals y'all. I like it. It is very relaxing. When I was getting out of the shower tonight I was thinking that the only thing better than this shower would be to have a couch to sit on in the bathroom. A bathroom couch preserves the calm feeling going on in the shower just a little longer. You could sit and listen to music, read a book, take a nap...the options are endless. Maybe it is like a sauna, but a little more comfortable. Unfortunately my bathroom couch dream is not happening any time soon because the bathroom in this apartment is way small.

In a lot of ways I feel like I'm back in college in this Chicago apartment. It is smaller than my house in St. Louis, there is no dishwasher, we don't have cable TV, I walk everywhere and I vomit from being drunk every night. Ok not every night, but I did have a drink or ten at a dinner partay on Sunday night. It was a good time. I don't miss the cable TV at all. I would prefer to have a dishwasher, but the good thing about no dishwasher is more opportunities to listen to music. I would like a couch in my kitchen too.

I have been working like a dog lately. Well a motivated dog would be more like it since my dogs sleep about 20 hours a day. Other than working I have been going on dog walks, trying to work out at the Cheetah Gym and watching Netflix. Just finished Bored to Death season 2. It just got cancelled which sucks, but was expected because things that appeal to me get cancelled.

Hey XXXmas is coming. See you there Jeebus.

Breaking Nudes

2011-08-10T12:58:00.004-05:00

Is it strange that I don't want to shit in my newly installed toilet? Is it also strange that I had 'Let's Twist Again' by Chubby Checker in my head all last night when I was mowing the lawn?

Oh and there is some breaking news: My beautiful wife just got a promotion and we have to move to Chicago. Say Whaaaaaaa? It is the truth. Well she will be moving up there very shortly (Andersonville), but I will be working on some home remodeling and finding of a new job in Chicago. Wowee.

If anyone wants to buy an awesome house in South City Saint Louis, or has an awesome job opening in Chicago please let me know.

More details later......

Also, Eric Elz has been killing it with his tumblr lately LOOK HERE. You should check it out. I especially love the Periodic Table jokes

Chewy & The Beav --Pilot Episode

2011-06-15T21:24:00.003-05:00

This is the best thing to happen to TV since ALF:

Pilot episode: Chewy & The Beav

Chewy is up early in the morning. She is making banana & chocolate chip pancakes, but she does not have a recipe or any directions. She burned the first few and she tried to eat the next batch, but it was mostly raw batter. Undeterred she whipped up a new batch and it was perfection. She can’t wait to share some with the Beav.

Chewy fills a plate with her delicious pancakes and skates back to the bedroom she shares with the Beav. (Cut to image of Chewy & The Beav’s bedroom. They each have a twin bed with their name displayed above it.) Beav is snoring. (Notice that Chewy & the Beav always have skates on).

Chewy: Beav I made some awesomesauce pancakes. You should get up and eat with me!!

Beav: Snore

Chewy: Beav it’s a beautiful day for pancakes.

Beav: (Starting to stir) I’ll kill you.

Chewy: Awww Beav.

Beav: Just kidding Chewy. Bring me those pancakes and go get me some milk. But if you wake me up again I’ll shank ya (said with a toothy grin).

Jokes?

2011-05-31T21:31:00.002-05:00

I don't have too many jokes tonight (I do have a fun fact about Daniel Boone that I will reveal later), but I did have a kick ass weekend that I wanted to document so you would get jealous of my life.

Friday I got to leave work a little early which is a great way to start out the weekend. Casey was off on Friday night which is also a bonus since she never seems to be off. We then proceeded to eat some Zen Thai, drink beers and eat cookies with lots of my college buds. Thanks to Jamie and family for coming into town from Montreal and giving us an excuse to hang. Some topics of conversation: High School Sex Education, The Grateful Dead (and how we know a lot of their songs without knowing it) and books about hermaphrodites.

Saturday morning I made a huge mistake. Well maybe not, but I made a decision that would dictate how I would spend about 24 of the next 36 hours. There was nothing on tv so I decided to check out Sons of Anarchy on Netflix. It started innocently enough in that I only watched like 2 episodes in the morning. For my first TV break I went to have lunch at the Bleeding Deacon with Ashley & The Shadow. It was delicious as usual. I need to go there more often, but they are always so busy at dinner time. Lunch is a good time to go. The Shadow ordered a 10 pound plate of nachos. Then we went to the Amsterdam pub to watch some soccer. There was a big UEFA Champions League championship between Barcelona and Manchester United. It was super crowded, but a really good time. I even ran into Julien (Jamie's hubby in from Montreal) at the pub. It is the place to be in St. Louis to watch soccer. They almost ran out of beer. Casey got off of work and then instead of go to one of two different parties we decided to eat pizza read comic books (Casey) and watch Sons of Anarchy until 3 am.

Sunday was kind of a blur of lemonade, biker gangs and procrastination. Whole Foods had these delicious lemonades on sale last week. They are usually $3 on sale for $1, but wait....there was also an online coupon for .75 off each bottle. That makes these lemonades .25. I only bought 6, but I know a lot of people who bought cases of them. We are extreme couponers. So anyway I am pretty sure all we did on Sunday was watch Sons of Anarchy, drink lemonade and not mow the lawn. You might not be able to tell so far, but I am pretty into Sons of Anarchy. Now I am going to have to find a way to watch season 3.

Monday I got up early, probably around 6:30am. I think I got up this early because I felt bad about myself for only watching TV the last few days. I pulled/cut down weeds, picked up dog poop and mowed the lawn. It took 2.5 hours and it was hot and made me soooo sweaty and tired. The good news was that i was done with all of the yard work by 10:30. After relaxing for a few hours we headed off to Defiance, MO for a lake party/BBQ with some roller derby peeps. It was just about the best time ever. We ate snacks, drank beers, swam, went on a rope swing, came up with inventions (most involved poop, beer coozies, fun noodle accessories or some combination of the 3), and just generally had an awesome time. It made me really want a little cabin by a secluded lake. Maybe someday...

Weekend over.

Daniel Boone fun facts:

1. I am related to Daniel Boone.

2. Daniel Boone had a condition that caused him to lactate.

Lazers

2011-05-20T13:07:00.004-05:00

Is it possible that this is the best collection of Lazer Tag names ever (even though Mallory tried to ruin it)?

That place was great. I wanna go back.

In other news....a bunch of stuff has gone on since my last post. Some fun and some boring. I'm going to Milwaukee for a 4 day weekend. The end.

I feel just like Arnold

2011-04-18T15:51:00.002-05:00

Here are some awesome quotes from Arnold Schwarzenegger about growing older and getting fatter:

"I feel terrific about where I am in my life, when I look back at what I've accomplished," the former governor tells Lloyd Grove. "But I feel so sh*tty when I look at myself in the mirror."

"I'm not competing, I'm not ripping off my shirt and trying to sell the body," the former governor frets. "But when I stand in front of the mirror and really look, I wonder: What the f*ck happened here? Jesus Christ. What a beating!"

In other news...I am bummed that I didn't get to go on the FBC bike ride last night because of Casey's tire, but life goes on. The valve broke off as we were giving it air. The doggies are getting their hair cut as we speak so I am excited to get home and see that. I wanted peanut to only be left with a pair of fuzzy pants, but I don't think Casey went for it. Maybe next year.

I'm the O-D-B as you can see

2011-04-14T15:39:00.002-05:00

This is not intended to be factual

2011-04-14T15:37:00.001-05:00

The Colbert Report
Tags: Colbert Report Full Episodes,Political Humor & Satire Blog,Video Archive

So Great!!!!

Bee Logs

2011-03-10T20:03:00.003-06:00

Man oh man has it been a long time since I have Bee Logged? Yes. The answer is yes. I missed a whole month somehow. I'm feeling pretty good about life I guess. Well I feel pretty good about life if I only talk to my friends and family and try not to think about how awful most people are. Forget about that for now though ok?

Some highlights of the last few weeks:

1. I did a run inside of a mine. It ruled hard. The running surface was mostly sand and water. They also setup obstacles every so often that you had to climb over or under. It was 3.7 miles, but I kind of wanted to do it again right after I finished. I have to give a special shout out to Nightmare who convinced me to do the race. She also convinced me and my special lady friend to sign up for a mud run in June. The website for the Mud Run says that you need to duct tape your shoes to your pants so that they don't get stuck in the mud. Wowsas. Here is a link to the mine run: SandMineChallenge.

2. The night before the mine run I went on a night bike ride with the FBC. It stands for the Fucking Bike Club. They go on night rides on every full moon. I have been meaning to go on one of their rides for years, but I am old and go to sleep early. I convinced myself to go and I am glad I did. It is pretty insane to have hundreds of bikers taking over the streets. I think I had the least cool bike there with my rusty mountain bike, but who am I trying to impress? Right before I went home I got to have some sips of Four Loko and Jeremiah Weed tall boy. Deeeelicious.

3. Casey and I both achieved our goal of being Vegan for the month of February. It was tough at first, but it felt good and got easier towards the end. It just takes a lot more planning.

Some more things happened, but I'm starting to bore the shit out of myself.

** Quick tip: Even though it sounds like a funny idea to not change any of the light bulbs in your house until they all burn out...it is not a smart idea. I spent $80 on light bulbs last weekend.

I feel like I should be giving you the finger

2011-01-29T20:30:00.003-06:00

I was driving down Kingshighway this evening in the right lane. This lady was standing in the street (I think at a bus stop). She wasn't in my lane, but she was close enough that I moved over a little as to not buzz by her. I was driving at a regular speed. She gave me the finger. I'm still a little confused as to why, but maybe she thought I should have been giving her the finger and she opted for a preemptive strike. I guess it worked because I sure don't feel like I won the battle.

I sustained a push up injury on Wednesday. I'm not proud. I was at the WFM holiday partay at the City Museum. It was a good time, but it got to that point in the night when people start doing push ups (FYI- This signals the end of any partay). Of course I had to bust out some one armed push ups which went over well. Then people wanted to see how many times they could clap in between push ups. The answer is 1. If you try for 2 then you slam your body into your hands/arms/the concrete floor and feel like you broke your sternum. You also have to pretend that it didn't hurt really bad because then the one armed push ups wouldn't seem nearly as cool. It is really just a nagging pain at this point which is good. I might not die over this after all.

Some quick advice: Don't watch Black Swan and Precious in the same 24 hour period. You will feel strange.

Other: I am going to attempt the try not to be quite so fat plan #257 starting on Tuesday. The missus and I will try to eat a plant based diet for all of February. If anyone has any easy and delicious vegan recipes please send them my whey (get it?).

Am I in charge of my own life?

2010-12-11T16:17:00.002-06:00

I have been contemplating my activities of the last 24 hours or so, and I am wondering if I am really the one who made the choices to do the things I've done. (Does that last sentence make sense?)

I don't remember getting out of work yesterday and saying: "Wow I would love to go skating at Rollercade with 10,000 teens and pre-teens."

Then saying: "Now I'm going to watch MacGruber and play Angry Birds until 2 in the morning and then sleep on the couch."

Then saying: "I want to get up at 7 am, play more Angry Birds and then watch the parts of MacGruber that Casey missed when she fell asleep."

Then finally saying: "I'm going to do some work while watching The Garbage Kids Movie on Netflix."

Anyone want to be my life coach?

Am I cheap?

2010-12-05T15:19:00.003-06:00

I have had the same black hooded sweatshirt since 1997. It is pretty much the only thing I wear in the Fall through Winter when I'm outside. I think it cost me about $20 dollars. That means I have spent $1.43 per year on coats. Can anyone beat that?

I had a delicious breakfast this morning consisting of an omelet, toast, OJ & coffee. I really wish that I had some bacon though. We have a bacon air freshener hanging in our living room that is taunting me right now.

Did I miss me?

2010-12-03T22:13:00.002-06:00

Did you miss me? I didn't either.

I am enjoying a relaxing evening at home alone tonight. It's just me, a warm bath and my Grishams. Ok not that. More like laying around watching sports and playing with puppies. It feels pretty nice though. Work has been busy, friends & family have been in and out of town, and I feel like I am starting to lose touch with my life of leisure. I think I can get it back though. Some random thoughts:

1. I probably went a year or longer without eating at White Castle, but now I have succumbed to their siren song 3 times in the last 11 days. The only real problem is that I have not stopped enjoying it. I have been eating pretty well since Thanksgiving besides that so I guess it could be worse. I blame Johnnie Hubert.

2. The Wire is great. I made the mistake last month of only having about 5 episodes of season 4 left the night before going out of town. I stayed up until about 2 am, worked and then rode up to Chicago. Nothing like starting a weekend with no sleep. It was worth it, and I am trying to save the viewing of the final season for a time when I can dedicate about 13 hours to watching it all. My only issue with season 4 is that there was not enough McNulty. Indeed.

3. Have you heard of Die Antwoord? They are totally crazy. I had heard of them before, but never thought much of them until Halloween. Some friends of friends dressed up as them, and now I am totally intrigued by them. The costumes were spot on by the way. It is hard to tell if they are for real, or if they are some sort of performance artists doing experiments on us. Do yourself a favor and watch Enter the Ninja, Evil Boy and some of their interviews (too many great ones to link). They are trashy, sample music from Dance Dance Revolution and do the wang helicopter in Pink Floyd boxers. It there anything else to say? It's self spoken.

I was the Noid for Halloween. I thought it was a pretty sweet costume.

4. I drank a four loko in Chicago. It made me feel kind of crazy. I won't go into how the evening went (mostly because I can't remember), but it was loko. By now you have probably heard of the amazing characteristics of a four loko, but I'm going to tell you again.

1 24oz can of four loko has the caffeine of a six pack of diet coke and the alcohol of an entire bottle of wine. Does that blow anyone else's mind? You would be foolish not to drink four loko just because of the money you would save on beverages. Even a cheap bottle of wine and a six pack of soda would cost you at least $10, but a four loko costs like $2.50. What a deal. I had lemonade cranberry so not only did I get all the caffeine and alcohol I wanted, but the cranberry really helped out my urinary tract. I think I am still getting four loko flashbacks.
How cool is it that I just did a search for four loko and found a picture of people I knew in four loko costumes? Real cool. The one in the middle is also the girl who dressed as yolandi from Die Antwoord on Halloween.

5. Casey got an iPhone. She likes to think she is better than me because her phone is 5o levels nicer than mine. She might be right, but does her phone have an extendable antenna? I will admit that I love to play angry birds, and even if that is all the phone did it would be worth it.

69. The amount of nudity in 'Love and Other Drugs' should be the minimum amount of nudity allowed in every movie.

I have to get back to my relaxing now.

Oncle

2010-10-13T22:23:00.003-05:00

I am taking a quick break from napping and thought I'd write something.

I wrote a guest blog for my friend over at Bring Your Own Jock Jams:

BYOJJ

I think that she and I are the only ones who cared, but what are you gonna do?

In real life news, Congrats to my sister and hubby for having a bebe. It is a boy bebe. This makes me an uncle for the 2nd time and my parents grandparents for the first time. They didn't accept any of my name suggestions, but that is their fault if they don't like being awesome. Ok they did good with the name too even if it wasn't Rambo Mantooth or Russell Osiris.

Is it just me or is everyone having a birthday, getting married or having a baby this October? It sure seems like it. I shouldn't complain because without these things I would have nothing to do, just like I have nothing to do tonight. Maybe I'll see what the Red Rocker Sammy Hagar is up to tonight on his birthday.

P-I-Z-Z-A (I feel Weird)

2010-10-07T20:16:00.002-05:00

Casey has been out of town since Tuesday and I think I'm slowly going crazy. I've only seen 2 humans today, and all I hear is this Olsen Twins Pizza song in my head. I think that should count as going crazy. Just so I'm not crazy by myself here is the video:

By the way, both the humans I saw today were at Imo's Pizza. This song has completely penetrated my brain and has altered my thoughts.

Fawl

2010-09-24T20:43:00.002-05:00

Man is it nice outside. It is so nice that I am not even mad about the following things:

1. Car needed new transmission which cost 1 billion dollars so we had to buy a new car.
2. Casey is a punk and insisted that the new car we got has a stick shift. I have never driven a stick shift nor do I want to. Why would you want to do extra things while driving? Stupid.
3. We got a red light camera ticket in the mail for $100.
4. I vacationed too much this summer and now I am fatter than I would like.
5. Ordered food from Onesto and they gave me a Chicken Parmesan sandwich instead of the highly superior Eggplant Parmesan sandwich that I ordered.
5. I drank a gigantic iced coffee after work today, but now have nothing to do.

Death

2010-09-04T15:10:00.002-05:00

The weather here is St. Louie is amazing. Me and the ball & chain went for a nice bike ride yesterday and ended up riding around in a cemetery. I always enjoy being in cemeteries, but I'm not sure why. It might be because I think I'm better than all of the dead people. Anyways....I am really starting to question what to do with my earthly remains when I kick it. I had been planning to be cremated and have Casey eat a spoonful of me everyday in oatmeal until I'm gone, but now I think I might want a super sweet headstone/statue. I guess I could just have a memorial of myself without having my body in it. I'm thinking of either a statue of a Death Eater from Harry Potter, Ring Wraith from Lord of the Rings, or King Hippo with his pants down. It's a toss up at this point. Thoughts?

Other than enjoying the weather I'm just living life. I had a great time in Minneapolis and Iowa City last month. Went to a 90210 Skate Partay on Thursday which was a lot of fun. Going to Las Vegas next week. Been listening to this crazy singer/harp player named Joanna Newsome.

Bye

Oh, and the Cardinals are not good.

Hide Your Kids, Hide Your Wife

2010-08-13T10:40:00.002-05:00

Watch this:

Then watch this:

You will be very happy you did. Thanks to Punches for sharing this with me. My life will never be the same.

Early

2010-08-08T08:09:00.002-05:00

Peanut woke me up early, as she always does, but I can't get back to sleep. So now I'm going to attempt to be creative. OK I give up, but I'm still going to post a blog.

I have some advice. Don't see Step Up 3D. I'm not sure how Casey, Nana and Mike convinced me to go to this movie, but I accidentally went. I had no intention of seeing it, but I guess I just wanted to get out of the house. There were not nearly enough sweet dance moves, and they did a bunch of bullshit things just for the 3D effects. There was this guy that did an amazing robot though.

I have some more advice. Watch 'The Wire'. I accidentally bought the entire series of 'The Wire' on DVD after returning from Baltimore. I have seen a few places that I visited while I was there which is cool, but the show itself is just well done. I watched 8 hour long episodes between Friday night and Saturday afternoon. Is it weird that sassy gay black men are my favorite characters in shows? Case in point: Lafayette from 'True Blood' and Omar from 'The Wire'.

My goals after returning from vacation were to try and live a little more simply (read more, bike more, walk more, cook for myself more, listen and play music more), eat better and exercise more. I have not succeeded yet, but I am trying. I have not read anything, biked, walked much, cooked, listened to much music or eaten much better. I did run and lift weights 3 times each. It is fine though because I have excuses.

This post is completely unfunny, so I will share 2 videos that have made me laugh a lot recently:

I have to thank DOB and Nick Normal for introducing these to me.

I mowed the lawn yesterday in a sleeveless shirt and jean shorts. I soon hope to livestream me doing manual labor in sleeveless shirts and jean shorts so be on the lookout. It was the first time I ever wore only clothing that I made. I cut the sleeves of the shirt and bottoms off of the pants. I probably would be on this season of Project Runway, but 3 dudes from St. Louis on one show is probably too much for the nation to handle.

I'm giving up on going back to sleep. I'm gunna eat some food.

East Coasties

2010-08-05T15:36:00.011-05:00

Holy Damn. Is is Friday already?

I went on vacation last week and it was awesome. I didn't stay in one place for very long, but I still got to relax and see some good peoples.

(These pictures are all over the place. I am too lazy to rearrange them, so deal with it suckas.)

Day 1: It all started last Monday. We arrived at the airport and immediately saw that our flight was delayed 1.5 hours. This was a very bad thing, because that was the amount of time we needed in Chicago in order to make our next flight (which was the last one going to New Hampshire arriving at 11:35pm). Shit. Luckily we were there early enough and the lovely people at Southwest got us on an earlier flight to Chicago and we could stop stressing. The rest of the day was pretty uneventful which was a great thing. We got into New Hampshire on time and then drove about 1.5 hours to Ogunquit, ME. It was about 1 am when we got there and it was sooooo quiet. I was hoping that this didn't mean that I had picked a boring vacation spot for blue hairs.

Day 2: We got up relatively early, had a continental breakfast* and decided to take a walk. There is this walkway called Marginal Way where you can walk right along the ocean for 1.5 miles. It was beautiful to say the least. (I am impressed that I have been able to use '1.5' 3 times already).

*While I was waiting in the lobby for breakfast I noticed that none other than Taylor Hicks from American Idol fame was putting on a show that night in the restaurant attached to our hotel. Taylor Hicks? That is probably a bad sign for your career if you are playing at restaurant attached to a hotel in Ogunquit, Maine, but who am I to judge. I kind of wanted to go, but only so that I could tell people that I did it. I have no interest in the musical stylings of Taylor Hicks.

The Marginal Way leads you to the inner harbor (area with boats and little shops). Throughout the next few days Casey and I would make many jokes about the Habah, Habah Ducks, The Green Monstah, Lobstah and anything else we could say in a Maine/Boston accent. We thought we were hilarious. Next we did something we would do 1.5 times 2 (3) more times later, and that is eat lobster. We had lobster rolls and chowdah for lunch at the Lobster Shack...and the lobster rolls were amazing!!! The buns looked like texas toast fused with a hot dog bun. I've never seen anything like it, but it was delicious. Am I getting long winded yet?

After lunch we decided to walk back on the Marginal Way and get our stuff for some beach time. The beach was really awesome. Some parts were crowded, but you could walk just a little further and have plenty of space. The water was brisk, but still felt good and refreshing. There was 1 man thong sighting. I liked that everyone there were normal people. The beach wasn't filled with super models to make you feel bad about yourself. I mean besides Casey and I. After spending the better part of a day in Maine we determined that these types of people go there:

Mostly White people (not much of a surprise)
Old people
Families from the Northeast
French Canadians (It was amazing how many french speakers there were. I bet the town was 75% french speakers)
Gays (Woooo. Go Gays!!)

We don't really fall into these categories, but fit in just fine.

After the beach we had frozen yogurt and took a nap. We woke up from our nap and had to step on it to find dinner because some things close pretty early in town during the week. We decided on getting some Lobster pizza, wine, salad and it ruled. We walked around on the beach at night which was amazing. Then we got ice cream, candy and more wine and headed back to the room. I would tell you what happens next, but it was waaaay indecent.

A great day!

Day 3: Slept in a little bit, but nothing too outrageous. Walked a different way down towards the inner harbor and got some breakfast. It was good stuff. I think it was called Cafe Amore. It said on the menu that Rachel Ray had been there. Then we went on an awesome Lighthouse cruise. Guess how long the cruise was? 1.5 Hours. It was a beautiful day and very relaxing on the boat. We got to check out all of the obscenely large houses on the coast. We talked about befriending all the old people we saw with the hopes of convincing them to change their will to leave us their houses. We then decided against it, because who wants to talk to old people anyway?

While on our cruise the guide pointed to a light house off in the distance called the Boon Island light house. That island had some crazy shit happen on it. They had cannibals in 1710, and evidently you can still see wreckage from a German U boat from the island. I wish we could have gone there, but it was pretty damn far away. Oh well. I'll just have to find some cannibals and wrecked German ships on shore somewhere. Oh, the guide also told us about a ship called the Dixie that crashed on the shore of Maine a long time ago. Get it? The Dixie Wrecked. Har har har.

After the cruise we got some more lobster rolls, Casey bought a floppy hat, we rode around on a trolley and then went back to the beach. No man thongs today, but we did see a guy with the hairiest shoulders and back I can ever remember seeing. Glorious. What else can you say about the beach? It is great to be on the beach.

We decided to get some more lobster & veggie pizza for dinner and then get some treats and hang out on the beach and watch the sunset/moon rise. It worked out pretty well except that the spot we chose had a rock blocking where the moon was. There were also mosquitoes. I hate you mosquitoes.

With that the beach time was over :(.

Day 4: Got up early as hell and drove to New Hampshire. The guy who checked us out at the hotel looked like the Albino from The Princess Bride so that was a bonus. Dropped Casey off at the airport which was sad, but I was ready to do some adventuring on my own.

I drove to Queens to hook up with Nick Normal and go see the Cardinals play the NY Mets in a day game. The drive took a while, but wasn't horrible. Even driving into Queens wasn't especially bad. (I found a radio station that played Mudhoney, They Might Be Giants and Easy-E in a 20 minute period in NYC. What is better than that?) I did an awful parallel parking job in front of the Flux Factory and then we were off to the baseball game.

If anyone goes to NYC they should go with Nick Normal. Even though he is a Saint Louisan he is a great guide on all things NYC. We got to the stadium and met up with Julia (Kirksville/STL homie) and bought some tickets that cost way more than we intended. It was free umbrella day and there were tons of kids there. Damn kids and their umbrellas! The seats were nice and we had a good time talking a little bit of shit on the Mets. We couldn't talk much though because the Cardinals royally sucked it up that day. We had 3 hits and no runs. Boo. It also rained which was fine for the first 25,000 fans who got umbrellas, but not for us. Honestly the rain felt nice for a while, but it got heavy for 10 minutes or so and we took a walk.

So the game was a bit of a wash, but I got to see a new stadium and we had a fun time regardless. After the game we walked around a giant park (I think it was Corona park), and stopped in a few museums. The first was the Queens Museum of Art. There were a lot of cool looking exhibits, but we were short on time and Nick wanted us to see the Panorama of the City of New York. And....Holy shit was it amazing. My mind is still blown away by the panorama. It is a 9335 square foot model of the entire city of NY. It has every building constructed before 1992 on it. You are able to walk around the model in this giant room. All I can say it that you should go see it because it is crazy awesome. It gave me a architectural boner.

Next we went to the New York Hall of Science because Nick needed to have a chat with someone there about the upcoming Maker Faire (an awesome event, you should read about it). The guy he was meeting with was super awesome and even took us into this place called the Great Hall (it was built before anyone had been to the moon to make it look like you were in outer space). We also got to see some Piranhas and a bunch of other crazy science exhibits.

We caught a car back to the Flux Factory to drop some stuff off and then decided to start walking around. I'm not sure exactly where we walked around, but I know that we were in Long Island City. It is great just to see what is going on in such a huge lively place. We grabbed dinner and a beer in this small little pub (Dominie's Hoek). The sandwich, fries and beer were all amazing. They hit the spot after a long day of driving and walking.

We walked around a little more after dinner and then parted ways with Julia. We saw some cool graffiti (including Goonies graffiti), saw some mosaics in the Subway tunnels, talked about how if the Subway was built now they would never spend the money to make it so cool looking in the tunnels, and then headed back to the Flux Factory. I got an official tour of the place and said hi to a bunch of nice artsy people. Then as I am known to do, I go to sleep early in amazing cities.* In this case it was about 11 o'clock. It was a long day. Give me a break bastages.

*One time in Amsterdam I went to see the movie 'Bedazzled' starring Brendan Frazier and then went to sleep in our hostel before 10 o'clock. Yeah I know. I know how to partay.

Day 5 (6 & 7): This was not my favorite day, but still not too bad. I woke up and looked out the window to see a fresh $45 street cleaning parking ticket on my car. Shit. I then drove through Manhattan and out to New Jersey and eventually Pennsylvania. I don't reccommend doing this drive. It is not fun. Eventually I made it to Chalfont, PA to have some lunch with my friend Amelie. I almost met her bebe, but she was sleeping and Mike (her hubby) looked like he would not be happy if she woke up. We ate a delicious Indian buffet.

Then I drove some more and finally ended up in Baltimore to hang with Dan and Jeannie for the weekend. Now since I am tired of writing I am going to plagerize the Baltimore section from DOB's blog (told from his perspective):

Part 2. HOBO'S CRABS

After driving through a bit of traffic downtown (apparently there was some sort of anime/Japanese pop culture convention going on -- lots of youngish people walking around in strange costumes) I made it home and the Jeanners and Jeffrey and I got some tasty burgers, and the waiter made fun of Jeff for getting his sans onions. Headed home and went to bed after a long day.

A slow start to Saturday morning, but we had a nice breakfast with fruit and biscuits and eggs 'n fake sausage. Then headed out to the Hamilton street fest, which consisted mainly of food booths and overpriced crafts and clothes, and three music stages set up -- two with bands and one DJ area back in an alley. There was also a classic-car auto show going on, and J-Dog, Jeff and I found the dipstick on many classic cars. Jeannie had a tasty ice treat made by a man named Jiggy. Jeff and I were silently panhandled by a man with '$1.00' written on a piece of tiny scrap paper. After we'd had our fill of the street fest we headed out west towards Catonsville, checked out the Patapsco Valley State Park, where we hiked and saw a deer, a log teepee, a trail marked by strips of a wife beater, a train tunnel, a woman with a wiggly butt and too many water bottles, shirtless hooligans, and post-apocalyptic abandoned factories with open dumpsters. Leaving the park, we checked out the main street of Catonsville, which it turns out shuts down at 6pm. Except for a large antique store that we proceeded to fill up with our farts. I say we because, although I participated, it wasn't just me. Didn't feel like eating in Catonsville, so we headed home. Saw a handmade sign on the side of Route 40 that said "HOBO'S CRABS." Not sure exactly what they were selling. Got home, I made a stir-fry and G&T's and we taught Jeff how to play Carcassonne. A fairly low-key evening. Sunday morning, repeat breakfast w/ biscuits, eggs, etc. then headed downtown to Sunday-morning market. Kept our eyes peeled for human poop. On the ground, not for sale. Left the market and walked around Fell's Point, ducked into a bike store, brushed off a street magician, bought cheap Tom Waits CD's at the Soundgarden. Drove to the Inner Harbor where we checked out Federal Hill, walked around, saw some more folks in anime costumes, loaded up on maps, and ate frozen custard. Rushed off to Towson to pick up our CSA vegetables and then headed home where we lounged on the porch, ate mini-pizzas and watched a squirrel with a broken tail. Then it was time for me to head to work and the Jeanners to give J. a lift to the airport.

The end of DOB's section.

After I was dropped off at the airport I met a pretty famous person. Raplph Nader. He was signing books at a book store in the airport. I decided that I don't talk to important influential figures very often so I should go talk to him. We talked for a good few minutes about the country, my job, prison and roller derby. He was very easy to talk to and actually pretty cool for a septuagenarian.

Shout outs:

Casey for being an awesome, smart, funny and hot wife.
Chelsea for watching the puppies while we were gone.
My mom & dad for driving us to and from the airport.
Dan & Jeannie for being awesome and hanging out with me in Baltimore.
Nick Normal for letting me crash in NYC and showing me around queens.
Julia for hanging out in NYC.
Amelie for having lunch with me.
Maine people for talking funny.

I'm hoping to get a Travel Channel Show based on this blog entry. Everyone write to them and tell them. Please?

Yeast Lords & Infections

2010-07-18T17:54:00.002-05:00

"I have a yeast infection."

That is a quote from Wicket, my dog, in case you were wondering. I can't believe you thought it was me that said that. Peanut, the dog, is usually the one who costs me money, but Wicket wanted a turn this time. She cost me $148 because she decided to get a yeast infection in her ear. What a bitch!!!!

Speaking of yeast, have you ever seen the movie 'Gentleman Broncos'? It is very strange, but likable. It is about this home-schooled kid who writes his own sci-fi novels. The main one in the movie was called 'Yeast Lords.' Here is a picture:

It was weird.

Me and the Missus took 2 days off last week and had a great time. We went to Johnson's Shut Ins State Park on Wednesday and Hurricane Harbor (Six Flags Water Park) on Thursday. Woo Swimming. I got a little sunburn, but it was worth it.

Johnson's Shut Ins was the place that was mostly destroyed 5 years ago when a reservoir broke. Now it is open and operational again. It was a fun time on a hot day.

Here is a quote from some little kids that were waiting behind us in line for one of the water-slides at Hurricane Harbor:

"Do you know who the gayest fag in our school is?"

So there is that.

Have a great day.

joon

2010-06-16T11:21:00.004-05:00

Well well.

Welcome June. I have been neglecting you with my incredible wit for far too long.

Here are some Roller Derby names that I have thought of recently in case anyone needs one:

Marge Urine
Jeane Shorts
Jean Sharts

Yesterday I was really feeling proactive. I had heard that the Department of Agriculture and Department of Health and Human Services were about to release some new dietary guidelines. As many of you know I am a very busy person and I can't be bothered to wait for a report to come out before making sweeping life changes. It turns out that I should have waited because my assumptions on the new report were drastically off base.

I was under the impression that they wanted you to eat: granola bars that had been in your hot car for breakfast, coffee, Healthy Choice microwave lunch bowls for lunch, and cookies, Cheetos & Chocolate brownie frozen yogurt for dinner.

It turns out that the new report is actually in favor of "slashing salt and fat, increasing vegetables and exercise." Who could have seen that coming? Well I think that I will finish off 2010 with my plan and then switch to the Government's plan in January. Well not January 1st because I'll still be partying. Oh and the 2nd is on a Sunday and you can't start something so important on a Sunday. January 3rd it is.

But seriously folks, with the exception of yesterday I have been doing a pretty good job eating and exercising. I have tried to switch up the routines as to not get bored: Walking, biking, weights, Boot Camp class at work, Some crazy TRX class where you do exercises with your own body weight...... It seems to be working for now. I moved a belt loop in the right direction.

My mom called and told me that I should be a personal trainer. She thinks that I have a good personality for working with people like that. I told her that she is probably right and that would be fun, but I think you actually have to be in good shape to be a credible personal trainer. Maybe someday.

A lot of people have been complaining about the crazy horns (vuvuzela) at the world cup that sound like a swarm of locusts, but I think they are awesome. It creates a cool atmosphere. It makes you feel like this futbol match determines whether or not the world explodes. Pretty bad ass.

Did I mention that my dog Wicket bit a baby Possum in half a few weeks ago? Well she did. It was gross and I had to pick up the pieces with two empty pizza boxes and put it in the dumpster. I think that my special lady friend might have got the worse end of the cleanup though. Wicket came in the house with her mouth dripping with her frothy excitement and baby possum blood. Gross.

Is that the proper mental image to end a blog entry with?

How about this:

Look forward to an upcoming blog about Angels. It will be epic.

Milwaukee

2010-05-27T11:14:00.002-05:00

It is so nice to go on a trip where the weather is nicer than where you live, and you don't almost die from a flood. Maybe I'm just getting picky in my old age.

Some highlights of the trip:

- Ate some good food, but not too much due to our many Roller Derby commitments. Although somehow I gained like 6 pounds. That is not a joke. 6 pounds. Luckily I have already lost 3.5 of those and I have made a new commitment to eating better and exercising more consistently. If you see me eating shit, or sitting on the couch then punch me in the arm (my face* does not need any damage).

The first good place we ate was Riviera Maya. It had a lot of vegetarian options and I ate some plantain/rice/cheese/avocado dish. It was pretty tasty. The afterparty was at a microbrewery called the Horny Goat. It was fine, but they have tater tots which is one of my favorite forms of potatoes. The last place was called Beans & Barley. It is a small grocery store & restaurant. It was simple but good. I had a burrito, coffee and key lime pie.

- The Roller Derby was good. There were 10 bouts per day and I probably saw at least parts of most of them. ARRG came away with a 2-1 record. It is nice to get back on the winning track. The bout against Burning River of Cleveland was the most complete and controlled game I have ever seen us play. I wish that Casey could have played, but she says her knee is starting to feel better.

The venue got hot and sweaty on Sunday, but I can't complain too much because it was in the 90s in St. Louie. They had a sweet pinball game there (World Cup) which helped some slower moments.

- The aforementioned afterparty was pretty good. I got to visit with some old friends from Omaha & St. Louis. Oh and we had 2 shakeweights. Yes shakeweights. Towards the end of the night I definitely felt like a creep because most people I knew were gone and it was only roller ladies left over. I tried to occupy myself as long as I could. Old Old Old.

That's all I got.

*Speaking of my face....I shaved my beard off. This is the first time I have been clean shaven since October. I needed a trim and I just figured what the heck. I realized that I am not a fan of my face and I think I will start a beard again. I just need to keep up with trimming it more often. I guess it is nice to know that I can go from looking 31 to 13 in an instant just by shaving.

Whoomp Here it is

2010-05-19T11:51:00.001-05:00

Wowee I am worn out. We just finished a week of birthday festivities for my special lady friend and I need a rest (She was 19 when we started dating and now she is 29 (old)). Happy Birthday!!! The rest is not coming anytime soon though, but so be it. (The biggest distraction to my rest is when certain people come to my house and try to take over my couch and eat my food).

The highlights of the last week:

BYOJJ Partay. This partay was epic for many reasons. It had dancing, jello shots, cake beards, cops, dogs, cats, starburst, awesome costumes and so much more. Call me lame, but I love a theme partay and an excuse to dress up like a fool. I got a sweet jacket on clearance at sports authority, some new sweatbands, short shorts under my regular shorts for 'extra special surprise reveal moments' and some calf high striped socks. Way to go Courtney for throwing a theme birthday partay (especially one that I can walk to).

For some reason I can't remember what I did on Saturday.....Ok now that I've checked my online banking and text messages I've remembered. It was a pretty slow day consisting of rain, long dog walks, Macklind Days (street fair about a mile from our house), and Iron Man 2. Even though it was not optimal weather Macklind Days seemed pretty well attended. We also went last year and it is a pretty fun laid back time. It also got me off my ass and motivated me to let the doggies get some exercise. I went into Iron Man 2 with low expectations because Karista was let down by it, but I must say that it was very enjoyable. Karista must just have some problems that she needs to get over :). The action was pretty bad-ass and the story was good enough to bring us to the action. Speaking of the story...I heard that both Iron Man 1 & 2 did not really have a script. They just worked out the details as they shot the film. I think that is pretty cool. I also have a soft spot for Mickey Rourke and a hard spot for Scarlett Johansson.

Sunday I did a lot of laundry and watched about 8 episodes of the show 'Party Down' on Netflix. If you have not watched it you should check it out. It is definitely my kind of humor. It is a lot of the people behind Wet Hot American Summer and some of the recent funny movies. Fred Savage is the director. Yes, that Fred Savage. Is that a selling point? After that The sHadow took Casey out for her birthday to Aya Sophia. We had always meant to check it out, but never had for some reason. I am glad we did. I don't remember what everyone got, but I got Musaka which is an eggplant/beef/cheese/red sauce dish that was unbelievable. I washed it down with some good red wine. Thanks Kris!!!

That brings me to a very important discovery that I made recently about wine.

I enjoy and appreciate wine, but I don't respect it.

I don't have a problem with you if you are a wine snob, but I am just not one and will never be. I know when wine is good and when it is bad. I reserve the right to drink wine right out of the bottle. I reserve the right to drink wine out of a mason jar or pint glass. I also reserve the right to fill my wine glass, mason jar or pint glass to the very top. If it is good then drink it before someone else can. That is all.

Monday was the big day for the birthday girl. She tried to eat 29 desserts, but came up short. It wasn't for lack of trying. She had cake & Kit kats for breakfast. Some m&ms for a snack. Adriana's and gooey butter cake for lunch. Had a crepe for another snack. Had a great dinner at 1111 Mississippi that included cheesecake. The night ended up at the Silver Ballroom where she had some shots that could be designated as dessert. They were called Martian Pie. They were green with whipped cream and they tasted like coconut suntan lotion. Finally she had some cookies shaped like watermelons. That brings my count to: 10 desserts. Not too shabby.

Side note: I love playing pinball.

Side note 2: Why do I feel so emotionally drained at the end of Benjamin Button? Am I scared of getting dementia, or is the situation so odd that I don't know how to feel.

Side note 3: We are going to Milwaukee for the weekend for a Roller Derby tournament. Unfortunately my special newly 29 year old lady is still out with a knee injury, but it should be fun. I have never been there. What should we do/eat/see?

Cinco de Miracle Whip

2010-05-10T14:51:00.004-05:00

Damn. I suck at blogging again. I told myself that I would not let it go this long again, but what did I really expect? I need a manager. Someone to yell at me when I am too lazy of a web blogger. Is it a coincidence that a lot of things have gone to shit since my last posts? Yes. Yes it is. I am going to put down the date that I meant to write about certain topics next to the topic. Please put yourself in a mental time machine when reading said topics. Thanks!!

1. 5/10/2010. Is this pizza awesome or what?
Are there places that specialize in custom pizza shapes? There should be. In the words of Nick Normal: PREAM Pizza Rules Everything Around Me - Get the Slice. Pizza Pizza Slice Y'all

2. 4/19/2010 Had a quick trip to Cincinnati with the ladies of ARRG. It was a pretty fun trip and I made a few realizations.

a. The Cinci Rollergirls have a super awesome venue for Roller Derby: The Cincinnati Gardens. They have tons of seats, tailgating is encouraged, ample parking, they have Chick Fil A sandwiches for sale, and the freaking Beatles once played there. Ahhh If only the Arena hadn't been blowed up here in STL. It seems like the other viable Roller Derby venues in the city are both owned by SLU: Bauman-Eberhardt Center (holds 2200 up top, but might only have a basketball playing surface) and the Chaifetz Arena which holds 10,600 (awesome, but probably 1 bazillion dollars to rent/use).

b. People in Saint Louis are nice. At first I thought that maybe people/fans in Cinci were super assholes, but the more places I go the more I realize that people in STL are just super nice. We don't boo people unless they deserve to be booed.

3. 4/20/2010 Woooooo 420. Happy Birthday to little Oscar and big Sean. I will always remember your weed smokin birthdays.

4. 4/28/2010 I could not have even written this on my home computer on 4/28 because I got many computer virus' and spyware. The lesson is: Don't get a virus. It can ruin your evening.

5. 5/5/5010 I went to 3 Mexican restaurants on Cinco de Mayo. What does that make me? A drunk American. It was fun though.

I started this post days ago, and it is not interesting or funny so I want to end it now.

Do you know which are my two favorite Smurfs?
If you guessed Jokey and Grouchy you were right. Although Vanity and Brainy are pretty good too. Did you know that Paul Reubens (Pee Wee Hermann) is playing Jokey in an upcoming CGI Smurfs movie? Woah.

Look I posted something.

It has been a while

2010-04-15T11:27:00.003-05:00

It has been a while since I posted and I'm sure all 3 of my followers are tired of seeing Ricky Martin on the front page.

I still don't have much to say. My mind is mushy.

I did have a strange dream last night. This is kind of a big deal to me because I usually never remember my dreams. I told Casey the dream and she was unimpressed.

So I was wondering around a large office building in the middle of the night. There were still people there, but they were just standing around dispersed throughout the place. Eventually I walked into a bathroom and someone hit the button on the hand dryer. It was super loud and I did not like it. I started running away, but quickly ran into a roadblock. It was the Duke men's head basketball coach Mike Krzyzewski , but not completely. It was his head, but the body was that of a pro wrestler. Speedo and some arm bands ala the Ultimate Warrior. I started to run away from him as the hand dryer got louder and louder.

Then I woke up and I must have slept on the TV remote, because the TV had loud static coming from it. Did the TV cause my dream, or did my dream cause the TV to be loud and staticy?

How bout that?

In other news: I'm going to Cincinnati for the weekend. It will be very brief and full of Roller Derby. It better be damned good too. So far I am missing out on a Cardinals/Mets game on Friday and Captured! By Robots on Saturday.

I am not good at spelling Cincinnati, but now I have the hang of it. I have never been there before, but I have heard nothing but bad things about it.

I love you.

Online

2010-03-29T20:24:00.003-05:00

Does this mean that he could be straight in real life (offline), but he only goes to gay chat rooms and looks at gay internet porn?

BET

2010-03-17T16:31:00.005-05:00

I like BET's St. Patrick's day programming:

Leprechaun: Back 2 tha Hood

Can you believe that it stars Willow* and a member of ONYX? I wish that those 2 would have hit it off on this movie set and put out a hip hop album. I'm just going to assume that they did and not look it up. Looking up facts can only disappoint you.

Their first album would be called Bacdafucup: Leprechaun 2 the Hood
You don't want to know how long it took me to make that using Microsoft Paint.

* Is Warwick Davis the highest grossing dwarf in movies? I'll look into it. He is in so many good ones and successful ones (not including Leprechaun). Star Wars, Willow, Harry Potter, Chronicles of Narnia, etc.... I now think that St. Patrick's day should be replaced with Warwick Davis day.

9 years ago today I was in an Irish Pub in Italy.

Smarty McFly

Cool Water

2010-03-15T15:48:00.003-05:00

I had a very animalcentric weekend. I was the only human around for most of the weekend, but I was in charge of my two dogs as well as bring your own jock jam's dog and cat.

I was like the dog whisperer, but better because there was a cat too. The dog whispered would freak out if another type of animal was introduced to his pack, but not me. Other animals could sense the grand animal power that I possessed as I walked between our two houses. Birds tried to perch on my shoulder and a parade of rats led me through the streets of south city. (OK that last part didn't happen, but I did also rescue two neighbor dogs who had gotten out of their yard).

A good time was had by all.

I also have a few observations from watching Animal Planet on Saturday.

1. Anytime I hear Sarah McLachlan I think of sick animals. It is a good thing that I could care less about her, because her voice is forever married to images of abused/neglected animals on an ASPCA commercial asking us to donate money. I don't know what I would do if they decided to use Journey or Bel Biv Devoe to get us to donate to suffering animals. I don't think I could ever listen to music again. I would just break down and cry every time I went out or turned the radio on.

I was going to put a link, but that was just way too depressing. How about this?

2. There are some news stories/quiz questions that are appropriate to get you to tune in after the commercial break to see the answer. This is not one of them:

How do you treat your dog for heat stroke?

a. Cool Water
b. Warm water
c. Ice water

Tune in after the break for the answer.

Now I know it is a stretch to think that your dog would come in from spending 10 hours in 120 degree heat right as this question came up on animal planet, but on the off chance that they do is it right to make them wait another 3 minutes to be treated?

Come on animal planet. Use your brains. You can use a teaser/quiz question like:

Which animal would win in a fight with a velociraptor?

a. Rhino
b. Elephant
c. Hamster

(the answer is none of the above)

The odds of you being approached by a velociraptor while on a leisurely walk through the park with your Rhino, Elephant and Hamster are much smaller than the odds of your dog getting heat stroke.

On another note I would like to shout out to Johnnie, XXXmas, Little Nicholas, Kevin and the Birdman for making my quick trip to Denver so enjoyable.

Has Spring Sprang?

2010-03-11T10:09:00.002-06:00

Yesterday was possibly the best day of the year in St. Louis (weather wise). I don't mean 2010 up until now, but most likely the whole year. Here are the reasons why:

1. It was unexpected and that made it extra special. It was not unlike cleaning out your freezer and finding a JELL-O pudding pop that you had forgotten about. In this scenario the act of cleaning out the freezer = the dead of winter, and the JELL-O pudding pop = nice weather. I also don't mean the JELL-O pudding pops you can go out and buy today, but the original larger more delicious treats of my childhood. So on further thought the freezer is like a time machine to better times. OK so update on the scenario:

The Freezer = window to carefree days of childhood
The act of cleaning out the freezer = the dead of winter
The JELL-O pudding pop = nice weather

Now that I think about it some more I'm not sure if it is the time traveling freezer or the original JELL-O pudding pop that truly represents the carefree days of childhood. I think that the JELL-O pudding pop has to represent both the current nice weather and the actual carefree days of a childhood summer.

The Freezer = window to carefree days of childhood
The act of cleaning out the freezer = the dead of winter
The JELL-O pudding pop = nice weather (currently)
The JELL-O pudding pop = the carefree days of childhood in the summer time

(neither of these kids are me, nor do I know them)

2. Sun is nice.

Although yesterday was very nice it also made me remember the things I don't like so much about spring.

1. It will probably rain a lot. The main reason I am against this is that my dogs have trashed the back yard and there are a few muddy spots. Therefore I will have to wipe their paws off every time they come inside. ( I know my life is rough).
2. The return of yard work.
3. Mosquitoes - The bane of my existence. If anyone knows how to make them all die then please let me know.

I need to be more positive.

Holy Shit!!! Stop what you are doing and look at this

2010-03-04T08:53:00.002-06:00

Please take a look at the Ad you see above. Does someone at Schnucks really think that whipped topping for .69 is going to get people into the store that otherwise would not go? Really? I could maybe understand if it was around a major holiday like Thanksgiving or Flag Day, but March 4th? St. Patrick's day is coming soon, but guess what....the whipped topping is not even green.*

* Actually I'm only complaining because I just stocked up on whipped topping last week. I feel like a fool because I bought 30 tubs of whipped topping and wasted $25.20 (estimated savings based on .84 savings per carton) of my hard earned money.

Keeping on the subject of food, here are some quick reviews of some new places I have tried out recently:

1. Friendly's Sports Bar (to watch the Gold Medal USA vs Canada Hockey game):

Pros: They had one of those games where you hit a punching bag to see how strong you are. This big dude with a backwards KC Royals hat spent about $20 trying to impress some girl that was wearing shorts and Ugg boots in February. They were also headbutting the machine for about another $20 worth of fun. She was later sitting with him with the KC Royals hat on her head. Damn I wish I had moves like that guy. He is GQ Smooth.

The beer and food specials during games are very good. The food was not exceptional, but I only ordered off the $1.50 menu.

They have a lot of TVs, although none of them were what I would call large.

USA USA - especially tying the game up with less than a minute remaining.

Cons: As a result of the cheap beer most people start to get annoying. Although it was the type of thing that if they were your friends it might be funny, but if you are not with them it was annoying.

They had one of those games where you hit a punching bag to see how strong you are. This big dude with a backwards KC Royals hat spent about $20 trying to impress some girl that was wearing shorts and Ugg boots in February. They were also headbutting the machine for about another $20 worth of fun. She was later sitting with him with the KC Royals hat on her head.

Canada

Final rating: Cheap and relatively fun to watch drunks, but better if your team wins.

2. Sammy Scott's

This is a new gourmet/panini/sandwich shop in creve coeur. I decided to try it out for lunch on Monday. It appeared to be everything I would like in a sandwich shop (Gourmet sides, hot sandwiches with interesting toppings and combinations), but it ended up a little bland. It was not bad by any means, but it did not knock my socks off. I think I'll try a different sandwich and give it another try. Oh I got the Cuban sandwich, Mac & cheese and Iced Tea.

Final rating: You should have been honored to be inside me so I wanted you to be better.

3. 5 Guys Burgers and Fries

Hungry Eyes from the Dirty Dancing Soundtrack was on the sound system while I was there.

Final Rating: 12 out of 10**

**The burgers were great, the Cajun fries were good and plentiful. Everything was a little on the pricey side. Without Hungry Eyes the rating would be maybe an 7.5 out of 10. Maybe the closest thing to In-N-Out burger in Saint Louis.

I shouldn't have thought about In-N-Out Burger. I want to fly to the west coast for lunch now.

What does all this really mean?

2010-03-02T11:28:00.000-06:00

How can the month of March be made into a hilarious name like February was made into Feb-bro-ary? I don't think it can so I will give up. I have to do a little photoshop work and I will come up with a new usage of the word/culture of Bro. Just you wait.

Last weekend was interesting. I went to a casino to watch some live music, watched some movies and (including Monday) went to 4 bars for a total of about 14 hours. Wow that seems like a lot. Here are some observations/questions:

1. Why do people go to casinos?

-There are always so many damn people at casinos and I don't quite understand it. The parking always seems terrible, the food is never that good (but there is a lot of it) and recognizable bands that play there are washed up. What is the draw? Free second hand smoke? Free soda?

*While at the casino I thought of a great idea for roller derby. Have the next casino built have a roller derby arena inside. Think about it. There are already tons of people at casinos with money burning a hole in their pocket. You have the sport, the hotel, the after party all in the same building. Let's make it happen.

2. Why do I love sports, but hate the people at sports bars?

-This might just be that I am annoyed by people in general. Sports bars have people.

3. If you had to drink one of the following what would it be any why?

Option A: A glass of lukewarm Hot Tub water (origins unknown).
Option B: A glass of fresh delicious water......that has three used band aids in it (band aid origins unknown).
Option C: Cyanide Kool Aid.

Where do you think the following text came from?:

Pregnant Bitches: Offer 50% more during pregnancy.
Lactating Bitches: Offer at least 2 to 3 times the normal amount of food.

Hint: Adult Formula is also involved.

Answer: Wicket and Peanut's dog food.

Tonight I'm going to eat steak with my special lady friend. I'm excited.

Do you think this post was unstructured and random? You were right. Shut up.

Should I have called the police?

2010-02-17T14:23:00.002-06:00

I went to Schnucks to pick some things up on my lunch break. Here is what the guy in front of me in the checkout line bought:

- 1 steak
- A dozen eggs
- 4 baby cheese wheels
- 3 gun magazines

What do I have to do to get on the TV?

2010-02-17T12:22:00.005-06:00

I am 31 and I have lived in St. Louis for about 85% of that time and yet I don't recall ever being on TV. My special lady friend has lived here for 8 years and she is now on TV on a monthly basis. What gives? I guess I have to start walking around town with no pants or do something to attract the media. I'll work on it, but I'm open to your suggestions.

Here is Casey getting tattooed by Lauren (Ana Warpath is her Roller Derby name but I like to call her Anal Wart Bath). Is it just me or should you start getting your tattoo removed/covered up immediately if you get the Beast from Beauty and the Beast? Here are the steps to getting a Beauty and the Beast tattoo:

1. Get tattoo
2. Get tattoo removed/covered up/burnt off

At least be creative if you are going to get a terrible tattoo. Like the guy who got the elephant tattoo on his crotch with his junk playing the role of the trunk. Priceless.

Ok here are the goods:

I can't get the video to embed so here is a link:

http://www.fox2now.com/news/ktvi-fox-files-tattoo-removal-021610,0,3265442.story

Olympic Juggalos

2010-02-15T08:18:00.003-06:00

So the Mrs and I were watching some Olympic figure skating last night after the trip back from Memphis (not my choice), and I saw some faces that looked really familiar. They were German figure skaters dressed as clowns skating to the song 'send in the clowns'. They also each had a single tear drop tattoo. I was struggling to think of who they might be.

Hmmmm... I've been to Germany, but not really. I slept in a train while moving through Germany in 2001. There were no opportunities to meet any clowns on that trip.

I've been to many many jails and prisons for my previous employer and saw many people with many tattoos. I even remember a lot of tear drop tattoos (which I'm sure I don't have to tell you means they murdered someone), but I would have remembered if they were clowns.

I went to the fridge to get a cold Faygo soda and it all came to me. The Insane Clown Posse was now in the Olympics and skating for Germany. It all makes sense now thanks!

They are currently 2nd in the medal standings so please go to their web site and encourage them. www.insaneclownposse.com

On second thought you probably shouldn't because they are terrible.

Finally someone who knows how to do things is stealing the ideas I have but don't tell anyone

2010-02-10T14:47:00.005-06:00

Well I might have told Casey some of my great ideas in the past, but she is rarely listening to me. I have to blow in her face or throw things at her to get her attention.

There are two great ideas I have talked about (at least in my head) for a long time.

1. The first one is for radio stations to have the audio for television programs available on them as they are being broadcast. For instance if you are watching Family Guy and have to jump in the car and go to Lamaze class or scrapbook club. Wouldn't it be nice to be able to continue to listen to the audio of the Family Guy? I know this would not work for all shows, but I would like it. This probably means nothing to people who have fancy audio visual systems in their car, but I think it would be nice to listen to TV instead of listen to most things on the radio.

2. Underoos for adults. I know there are cartoon boxers that have been available forever, but it is not the same as when you had a new pair of underoos as a child. This again might only appeal to the small segment of the population who will never feel like an adult. I was surprised that these didn't exist as of a few years ago and wanted to do something about it, but I am lazy and was sure that it would have been copyright nightmare to actually develop this.

I don't think that #1 will probably ever come true, but guess what Target had today:

I apologize for not modeling them myself, but I don't think you are ready for that.

They cost more than I would like, but it took restraint to only buy 3 pairs. There was also Superman and Ironman.

Yesssssssssss.

Here is a picture of Wicket from the 5-8 inch Tsnownami that we had last month. Not to be confused with the 2-5 inch Sleetastrophe we had a few days ago. It is sometimes hard to get pictures of Wicket so Peanut gets all the press, but here is a great shot of Wicket in her favorite type of weather.

2 posts in a row, can you believe it?

Yorick and Ampersand

2010-02-09T15:17:00.002-06:00

I kind of love snow. It did let me down last night in that it didn't snow enough to get me a free work from home day, but I forgive you snow.

Here is the number one thing that I (and anyone with a web log) promise: I will post here more regularly. I have to spread all of this comedic joy to the rest of the world. It is not fair for me to only share with Peanut, Wicket and Casey (in that order). In my defense January was uber busy at work. I pretty much worked everyday in January. I am not complaining, but stating the facts.

Things I am looking forward to:

1. Trip to Denver in March to hang with Johnnie and see the Nuggets.

2. Playing Bioshock 2. I almost went out at midnight last night to pick up my reserved copy, but I decided against it because it was snowing.

3. A 24 inch snowstorm and snowball fight in downtown saint louis. Ok this one will probably not happen, but if DC can have fun why can't we?

4. Possibly convincing the ARRG bus to stop by Lambert's home of throwed rolls in Sikeston on the way home from Memphis.

Things I have done recently that totally ruled:

1. Finished reading the whole series of Y: The Last Man. Holy shit was this good. Everyone should go read this. It made me feel emotions which I don't usually do. Really great story, great art and as an extra bonus there are some boobs. Cartoon boobs!

2. I have been trying to eat at new places when I go out to eat. This has been a total success so far. I have been to:

a. The Blues City Deli

The Missus and I went on a Saturday for lunch and it was packed. The whole place is about the size of my living room. Needless to say, we were getting our food to go. There was a band playing in the front of the place, the order counter at the back and a few tables full of mostly drunk couples in their 40s-50s in the middle. The sides were filled with people either waiting to order or people waiting to get their food. Anyway...the place had a great vibe. It makes you feel good just to be standing in there. We ordered a couple of delicious sloppy sandwiches, some chips and some sodas. I think my favorite thing about the place is that they had a bunch of regional sodas from all over the place. A lot of them were made with real sugar too. I had a Black Cherry soda and Casey had a Strawberry Cream. Hers tasted like you were drinking cotton candy. Mine tasted great, but had as much sugar as a bag of sugar. Overall I give it a: Damn that was good.

b. Pizza-A-Go-Go

The story to this one is not as long which will probably make everyone happy. We wanted some pizza and I had heard about this place for a while so I thought I'd try it out. We ordered a pizza with Bacon and Black Olives to go. I picked it up and the place was full of regular folks who seemed to love hockey. I liked the pizza more than Casey did, but what does she know anyway? The crust was thin and crisp with ample topping coverage. My only issue is that their toothpicks were not quality toothpicks. I broke a spike of toothpick off in my gums on the drive home. I needed tweezers to get it out. Overall I give it a: That Pizza was good, but my gums hurt.

c. El Paisano

I ate here with Casey and Chelsea. That means this review would be the same at just about any restaurant. Chelsea was on her iPhone the whole time and Casey was twittering or texting the whole time. The food was good solid Mexican. Their biggest plus is that they are open on Sunday unlike all the other Mexican restaurants that love Jesus too much to work on Sunday. Overall I give it a: That is tasty Sunday Mexican food, but I wish these bitches would get off their phones.

d. Tucker's Place

So Logan was about to leave the US to go to India the next day. He needed a beef injection. After I gave him that we decided to go eat a steak. Hiyo. Besides Casey and I going on South County dates to the Texas Roadhouse I don't eat steak all that often. I had heard of Tucker's Place before and it was in Soulard so I thought it was worth a try. I was a little nervous that it would be a frat boy hangout, but was relieved that it was just a normal person place. Logan, Ben and I got a sweet spot right next to the fireplace. Thanks pregnant hostess!! We then ate one of the more delicious steaks I've had in recent memory. Logan and I went with the special which was a 16oz Filet Mignon wrapped in Bacon. I got grilled veggies and salad with it. The salad was not spectacular, but there was Bacon on top of that as well. The steak was just soooo satisfying. The veggies were also a nice compliment to the overwhelming beefiness. Ahh I like thinking about this moment. Overall I give it a: Damn that is some good ass meat and the place is so comfy that I want to take a nap on the floor afterwards.

e. and maybe even some more places I can't remember.

3. Am I still writing? Is anyone still reading? If you are still reading, please post a comment with your favorite John Goodman movie. (Hint: King Ralph).

A few final thoughts:

I. I have said this before, but I am not capable of shopping/choosing the appropriate things to eat. Last Friday is a prime example of my failure at this. I started out doing great while I was at work. I had some skim milk, coffee, high fiber oatmeal, Healthy Choice Chicken Margerita and an apple. This was about 650 calories or so.

Then I left work and all hell broke loose. I had a side by side strawberry/chocolate shake, Double Steakburger w/cheese, french fries, 1 bag of Stacy's cheese pita chips and half a carton of Walgreens Bear Claw ice cream. These brought my daily calorie total to at least 4146 calories. Am I a toddler with no self control? Yes. The answer is yes.

II. Stacy's Pita Chips should be outlawed. They are too good. Every single kind. A bag is like 1000 calories, but I always eat the whole thing.

III. I have completed 2 weeks of P90X which is the only thing keeping me out of the morbidly obese category. Besides that slip up on Friday I have been doing pretty well with eating and exercising. My pecs are so juiced.

IV. How bout ARRG? I am very proud of the Arch Rival Roller Girls lately. They have had two consecutive sellouts and there is a lot of buzz about them around town. They have been doing a great job marketing themselves and they are backing it up with some fun exciting Roller Derby action. I was getting a little worried last year when the attendance was falling a little, but there has been a big burst lately. Let's hope it keeps up!!

Updates

2010-02-04T10:45:00.002-06:00

I will put up a real post soon because I am slowly crawling out of my annual January/W-2 induced haze.

I got rid of some links to blogs that are not updated anymore. I added a link to my friend Courtney's new blog Bring Your Own Jock Jams. I was a little unsure if I should give her my seal of approval (because she is from Idaho), but she seems to hurt herself a lot which should be entertaining. Take a look and enjoy.

Feb-Bro-Ary

2010-02-04T10:29:00.002-06:00

I'm sorry it took me so long to welcome everyone to Feb-bro-ary.

2010

2010-01-05T12:27:00.000-06:00

Does it make me old if I enjoyed New Year's Day brunch at my house as much if not more than NYE? Does it make me even older that I enjoy sitting in my snuggie eating werther's originals and spice drops more than New Year's Day brunch (for the record I don't have a snuggie even though there are 3 or 4 at my house at a given moment)(I also enjoys werther's originals but not spice drops)?

I did enjoy January 1st brunch a lot. There were a lot of people at our house eating breakfast food and drinking various interpretations of mimosas. We watched sports/bad movies on tv, played wii and generally ate and made each other laugh. Good times. I don't wish to take anything away from the NYE activities, but they were a little more subdued because the old bag (I mean healthy, beautiful and vibrant but with the immune system of a premature albino baby) was sick again. We had some sushi and thai food, then hung out at Anne's briefly before coming home relatively early (1ish).

So what has been different so far this year? Not much yet. It is cold as fuck. I don't really mind that much, but it makes going outside or leaving the house in general less appealing. I guess I can try to finish Dexter season 4, play some video games, read, play guitar, work out etc. i like those things. It is kind of sad, but now that the QPTB reunion has come and gone I am lacking any real longish term goals. Any ideas? I guess I have house fixing/remodeling goals and fitness goals, but nothing that gets my fire going when I think about it.

My damn feet still hurt. I have been trying to run a few times a week and while it does not make my feet hurt more, it does not help either. I gave up on shoe inserts and the Vibram 5 finger frog shoes seem to help, but maybe I should do some not running for a longer period. I have been wearing shoes in the cold instead of the 5finger frog shoes, but yesterday I bought some special socks so maybe I will see how that goes. Man do they look ridiculous. I went into REI for the first time yesterday to buy said special socks. It is a nice store, but the people who work there are weird. It seemed like the REI corporate office went to Boulder Colorado and picked up anyone hitchhiking and gave them a job at REI.

Well I am going to get back to staring at my new 2010 Desk Calendar. What is it you might ask? Well is is called Cat Naps and each day features a kitten or group of kittens (I think it is called a Murder of Kittens) sleeping.

FINAL POST OF 2009

2009-12-31T11:10:00.000-06:00

I'll try to do better next year.

Snow Snow Snow Snow

2009-12-09T09:33:00.002-06:00

This is Horse Pucky. Dallas has had snow and we here in Saint Louie haven't had more than 30 minutes of flurries. Omaha had a giant snow storm yesterday. I want some snow. Booooo.

So hey. I didn't finish my 50000 word novel. I will attempt to keep at it, but we shall see. I am quite busy with work lately so maybe the world novel domination will wait until February.

The funniest/most vomit producing thing I have thought of recently (posted on twitter):

@SmartyMcFly: Stayed out WAY late last night and now my eye is paying. It is being all twitchy like. Still worth it though.

@extremefajitas: You probably have Hottub eye herpes.

@SmartyMcFly: You are probably right. Come, let me rub my eye herpes on you.

@extremefajitas: I'll pass. I already drank a bunch of Hottub water last night. It is not agreeing with me.

After I posted that last part about drinking water out of a Hot Tub I wanted to throw up.

Things of note:

1. I ran a 5K on Highway 40 before it was opened to traffic. It was cold, but a lot of fun actually. I ran with Julie V. We both run at about the same pace so we were able to push each other to keep it moving. I was a little disappointed that it was way too cold to wear my Vibram 5 fingers (frogman shoes), but I made due with real shoes. I should look and see if they have special frog socks for those. Our official time was 28:30, but our actual time was 28:00. Not too shabby.

2. I had to buy a furnace because ours was 23 years old and finally stopped working. Damn them shits is expensive, but we are getting a tax credit to cover some of it. The new one is 95% efficient and works really well. It sounds a little like a jet engine, but we will get used to that I'm sure. I worked from home when they installed it and it was 42 degrees in the house all day. Even Wicket (the woolly bear dog) got under a blanket that day.

3. As a result of the furnace breaking and not being able to be installed until after the weekend we stayed at my parents house. It was nice. We hung out, went on some dog walks, etc...

4. We also went to Hermann, MO to some Xmas craft fair my mom wanted to go to. I would say that the craft fair was a bust, but it was good to go back to Hermann. I had not been there since my Grandparents died. Actually since my Grandma died in 2005. We spent a lot of time there in my life and it felt good to see it again.

5. I would say that the QPTB reunion show was a success. It was great to play music with some of my best oldest friends. By old I mean bald. Haha. (Just kidding don't take my hair away oh ye gods). It was also great to see a lot of people I hadn't seen in a while in one place. There was a lot of nice intermingling of old friends. Hopefully it didn't sound too terrible either.

Since it has been so long since my last post I could write forever, but I will not. I'm going to go sacrifice a goat to see if I can get us a blizzard.

Hey November

2009-11-23T18:21:00.002-06:00

Man o Man it has been a while since I posted.

I just went to Chicago to see the Pixies. It was everything I hoped it could be. I am a big fan of the Aragon theatre as well. Very cool.

I have been trying to write a 50000 word novel in the month of November. It has stalled a lot and I might finish under 10000. Work and everything has picked up dramatically bringing a halt to my writing creativity. It was fun while it lasted. I'll try to keep it going.

Quants show then 2 Thanksgivings. It's going to be a hell of a week. In a good way.

Jeff became a fan of Pubic Option

2009-10-27T21:12:00.003-05:00

My mind just went blank, but I have been thinking 'Jeff became a fan of Pubic Option' all day. I wanted to post it to facebook, but I think I added too many friends that would not appreciate my hilariousness.

It is rainy as hell and I'm going to continue to take it.

I like Video Games

2009-10-19T12:32:00.001-05:00

Partay Manimal

2009-10-14T11:12:00.003-05:00

I'm kind of frightened when I look at myself. Is that unusual?

My playoff beard lasted 4 days. Maybe I won't shave until the Cardinals win again???

I have been semi social lately and it has been good. We went to Six Flags on Saturday for Chelsea's Birthday. It was a lot of fun. The Boss and the Evel Knievil rides were my favorites because they turned all the lights out and you felt like you were going to die (wooden coasters). Oh and it was like 35 degrees out.

Sunday night was the 2009 ARRG Awards Banquet/Debutante Ball. I donned the Blue Tuxedo seen above and was probably the butt of everyone's jokes, but what are you going to do? Be a square? I think not. Casey won an award, but not the coveted Best Ass award. She definitely should have won, but the winner was well deserved as well. That was a long night of drinking on a Sunday night.

2nite is The Shadow's birthday. One of the best people to be alive, but I am ditching his Lazer Tag partay to see Dinosaur Jr. I'll make it up to him later. I'm sure he'll survive without me.

The RZA is going to be on The Colbert Report tonight. Once I read that I could not get this song out of my head. I think I have posted this before, but watch it again. Until later.....

iskaite

2009-10-10T12:05:00.003-05:00

Well I have had 2 people ask about how my doctor's appointment went. I no longer like the rest of you (even though I still think Karista only asked because she wants to harvest my organs).

Well, the MRI came back clean which is good. I also met with a Pedorthist. The consensus is that the knee pain is a symptom of my foot problems. I am getting some custom inserts made which should help (unfortunately it takes 2 weeks to get them made). I am also taking some anti inflammatory stuffs for 2 weeks before I see them again.

Sort of on the same topic, but also another.....My brother sent me a book for my birthday. I started reading it right after I opened the package which is a good sign. It is called Born to Run. It is about this tribe of people in Mexico that are super athletes, but they live in caves and huts and only eat forest droppings and corn liquor. They can run for days straight without stopping. There is a lot more to it than that, but it is very interesting so far. They also make this super drink called iskaite that was described as a combination of salmon, fish oil and human growth hormone. I might try to make it. The main ingredient is chia seeds. I might have to go to the store to get more, because I used most of them on all of my Chia Obamas. Reminder: Call Greg and thank him.

I finished the 2nd season of Dexter. Awesome. Let's see how long I can go without craving the 3rd season. My guess is not long.

I watched episodes 2 & 3 of Bored to Death this morning. I really like it. I am afraid that it will go the way of Arrested Development though. Because of this show I will start describing normal movies as pre-apocalyptic. There was also a great line about a guy's girlfriend wanting him to go on a diet. He said: "When I'm with her I'm going to eat healthy, when I'm not I'm going to eat like an American." I love it.

Thank Jebus that the rain stopped because we are supposed to go to fright fest at Six Flags tonight.

I have been hearing about a band called 'No Age'. I think I will try to check them out.

Old Old Old

2009-10-07T11:23:00.005-05:00

I came upon the above images on a facebook page (Josh P's bro). Enjoy!!!

Today we are going to find out how truly old and dilapidated my body has become. I have had a lot of nagging pain in my feet and knees since my ill-fated attempt to run a half marathon. I went to an orthopedist last week and they determined that I have Planar Fascitis in one foot and Metatarsalgia in the other. Those should be able to be helped with some shoe inserts and stretching exercises, but I also might have a tear in my knee. I got an MRI on Friday and will get the results today. I'm hoping they don't decide to go with the amputation option. If this is all I have to complain about I guess I'm still doing pretty good.

I shaved today to get ready to grow my Cardinals playoff beard. Hopefully it lasts longer than a week because I usually only shave once a week and I don't want it to be an empty gesture.

I stayed up too late watching Dexter last night.....again.

Is anyone else still worried about Y2K?

Train

2009-10-05T20:10:00.003-05:00

I really need to get back on this blog train. I have actually done some cool shit lately. Ummmm yes. I went to a corn maize yesterday. It was cool, but not as exciting as the one in Pennsylvania. I think that is mostly because we thought we were going to freeze to death in Pennsylvania. I won a 6 oz mountain dew for making it out alive.

Casey (Nikki Vixxen) was on the news this morning to promote roller derby. Check it out. She is hott stuff:

Channel 2 Roller Derby

I also bought this chip for my Nintendo DS that allows me to play old NES games. I am in heaven sometimes.

Ohh. What I really have been doing is watching a lot of Dexter. I have almost watched the first 2 seasons in 1 week. I love it.

I might try homebrewing. Any thoughts?

Q: What is Red and smells like Blue Paint?

A: Red Paint

Keep your Butt in the truck!!!

Dude

2009-09-11T17:12:00.001-05:00

This Amish guy told me that this blog sucks.

Quick Update

2009-08-27T11:21:00.002-05:00

I wanted to write a quick update to prove I am still alive.

I don't have much to complain about. Life is good at the moment.

Some quick thoughts:

The Cardinals rule. I am going to 2 games this week.

Oregon is awesome and beautiful.

I quite enjoyed Inglorious Basterds and District 9.

My skin is stoopid and fukked (I would explain, but you really don't want to know).

I ate a donut with bacon on it.

I love you.

I'm so tired...

2009-07-29T12:32:00.002-05:00

From doing the Ricky Bobby:

In other news, we were defeated by Madison in the Roller Derbies. It was a fun time though. Madison is great. We got to see Shelby. We also had a quick trip to Chicago to scrimmage with Chi and Philly at a skating rink on the beach of the Lake. Beautiful weather. That's all i got.

I might stop using twitter because Kid Rock says it is gay. If there is one thing i can't handle it is Kid Rock judging my sexuality based on my Internet habits. If you have any comments for Mr. Rock please email him: KidRock69@hotmale.com

A word of advice

2009-07-23T11:13:00.005-05:00

Don't do the following things in between tooth brushings:

1. Eating a burrito 1 hour before falling asleep sleeping on the couch
2. Going for a 1 Hour bike ride
3. Drinking milk & eating a banana
4. Drinking 2 cups of Coffee

My mouth tastes like I gargled with Dumpster juice.

Besides that things are going pretty well. I have exercised 15 times in the last 18 days, although I keep gaining weight. It is probably all in my guns.

Other things I have done in the last 18 days or so that I can remember:

1. Had a nice anniversary dinner with my lady friend at Franco. 5 Years how bout that? She liked the leopard print snuggie that I bought her as well. Did you know that the 5 year thing is leopard print snuggies. That is way more affordable than the diamond one. It is a good thing that I don't really believe in those traditions. anywho...

2. Saw some roller derby and some good folks. Then we went dancing at this place where we really didn't look like we belonged (Pepper Lounge), but we were the life of the partay so it's ok. It was connected to El Borracho which was way cooler (Mexican restaurant/bar). I will have to go there to eat at some point. These 2 establishments used to be The Side Door and The Rocket Bar respectively. That kind of freaked me out, but I got over it. Evidently there were a bunch of fights at The Pepper Lounge after we left and they had to close early. Nice....

3. Took a half day from work and saw Harry Potter. I was happy with it. Saw Sonic Youth live under the Arch for free. This was a great time and beautiful night.

4. My pappy came over and helped me fix my outside faucet (it was very leaky) and threshold to my front door. Ninja also came to play with my doggies. Oh by the way, my pappy and the Ambassadors of Harmony won the Barbershop International Competition this year. He is pretty happy. How bout that? Here is a link to their stuff:

5. Went to the ARRG car wash. Someone got kicked out for staying in their car and touching themselves during the car washing. It wasn't me.

6. Went to a baseball game and sat in the last row. I could still see very well. Saw maybe the most successful wave I have ever seen. It made it at least 5 times around the whole stadium.

7. Had a good time at Andrew's partay at The Flamingo Bowl. I bowled a 184 and 170. The 184 is my 2nd best score ever. It was fun to hang with Andrew, TH, Ash, Casey & McFly, Nick Normal, his friends (twins & Octavia) and the craziest guy I have ever met that is still sane. It was this British guy that is dating Nick's sister. He was maybe 50 years old and he was like if you took Austin Powers, added a stronger accent, more pervertedness and about 75 Red Bulls. He is someone you would have to see to believe. I think Jello said it best when he said: I spent an hour with him, but it was possibly the most entertaining hour of my life.

I am off to Madison, WI tomorrow. The Arch Rival Roller Girls are taking on the Mad Rollin' Dolls. They are ranked #19 and #20 in the nation, so it should be a good one. Also this is the first time Casey is rostered for the Travel Team. Wooooooo. She couldn't have done it without me..........bitching that she practices too much. But it has paid off and it is all good.

I thought that this was really funny until I told Casey about it: The Pie Rapes of the Caribbean

I even had a whole cartoon in my head about pirates having their way with pies.

It is not actually funny. I need to spend more time with humans. Wicket and Peanut don't have the heart to tell me when my jokes are off.

My 2 favorite smurfs are Jokey and Grouchy.

My fondest memory of Austria

2009-07-07T15:42:00.002-05:00

Kirksville Pics

2009-07-06T19:24:00.002-05:00

Some weekend pictures, courtesy of Ashley

I Heart Olivia Mun

2009-07-06T19:18:00.002-05:00

Last night I watched an Attack Of The Show Clip show featuring the best of Olivia Mun. Damn is she funny. It doesn't hurt that she is nice to look at either.

Will someone buy this for me:

http://videogames.yahoo.com/events/plugged-in/the-17-500-video-game/1332488

I am doing ok on my goals so far today. I ran during lunch today and did a P90X workout just a minute ago. Let's see if I can stop myself from eating lots o pizza at Lemmons 2nite.

Farmageddon 2009

2009-07-05T22:08:00.002-05:00

Citygarden
DuKum

Sometimes paying attention to seemingly insignificant stories can pay off.

It was probably around 1am. There were only 10 or so folks left down by the bonfire at Logan's house. I don't really recall who she was even talking to, but Logan's newish ladyfriend was talking about some dog down the road that acts crazy and freaks everyone out when they drive by. There weren't many details. I think it had something to do with why she was late to something at some point. I didn't ask any follow up questions. I just thought: huh. that sounds funny, but I've never seen any crazy dog the way we usually drive in.

Fast forward to this morning as we were leaving the farm. Casey decided to drive out the opposite way that we came in. A few minutes later we come over a hill and we see this giant white dog standing on the side of the road. At this point the dog looked like most dogs would. It was just standing well to the side of the road looking at us. I told everyone that I heard a story last night about some crazy dog down the street. Just as we were coming up on it, the crazy started to happen. It walked up to our moving car as Casey slowed down a little. Then it started spinning in circles as if it were trying to knock our car over. I don't even remember if it was barking or not, because I was so surprised at its insane behavior. Luckily we avoided being headbutted by the giant loco dog and were on our way. I really wish that we would have had a dash cam like they do on COPS to capture this experience.

Anyway.....I have not posted much in a while. I have been a little down on blogging lately. I have felt a little uninteresting and it sometimes seems pointless because I also put stuff on facebook, twitter, email, myspace, you name it. I'll get over it. It is nice to sit down and pound out some thoughts every once and a while.

I have seen a lot of good people the last few days. To name a few (not including the fabulous people I see on a regular basis): DOB, Jeannie, Ricky, The Stranger, Jessica, Robtoy, Meister, Mesiter's mom, (I now wish I could meet Meister's Grandma too because she sounds hilarious), Joe & Emily, Chelsea (although she has been on our couch a lot lately), Ruthann, Logan, Claire, Ted & Christy, Dustin & ladyfriend, J.J. and Katie, and probably others that I am forgetting but it's ok because no one reads this anyway.

I have seen some good things in the last few days: Crazy dog, Casey, fireworks in downtown St. Louie, the new citygarden (which is awesome by the way), Kirksville (different but still fells like my second home).

I feel good, but I have a few goals in the upcoming days, weeks, months:

Watch The Wire and Battlestar Gallactica, Read Infinite Jest, Start living better in terms of exercise and eating (mostly eating), Plan a trip to Oregon in August, play music. I know I always have these on my list, but I have to keep writing them down until they stick.

Thanks to the Shadow for watching my dogs.

What do 9 out of 10 people enjoy? A gang bang

Joke courtesy of Dustin.

Oh yeah and if I hear the word staycation one more time, I am going to paralyze you so you can have a permanent staycation.

I just fell in love

2009-06-25T12:43:00.002-05:00

With this website: http://www.thisiswhyyourefat.com/

Church

2009-06-23T21:22:00.002-05:00

Man tonight has been uber relaxing so far. I can not complain. I came home from work, played with the dogs a little, ate a sandwich, took a nap, watched some baseball & Into The Wild and then went on a dog walk once it wasn't balls hot out. Beautiful. Even though the guy dies at the end of Into The Wild, it still really makes you want to take off and go west for at least a few weeks.

I had a lot of fun over the weekend with the roller derbies. We drove to Evansville, IN so Casey and the St. Lunachix could take on the Demolition City Roller Girls. The venue was really cool and we kicked some ass so it was nice to demoralize the home fans. I also ate some pancake puppies at Denny's on the way home. They are like funnel cake balls covered in cinnamon & sugar and dipped in syrup. Man were they not terrible.

A word of advice for Evansville and the city government: Don't make people pay $15 dollars to go to a festival called the Freedom Festival. Especially when it is 95 goddamn degrees outside and you also block off the entire riverfront to anyone not willing to pay $15. This is one thing that St. Louis really has going for it. Free stuff to do. Festivals, parks, zoo, etc, etc, etc. I bet the VP fair or whatever it is called now makes a lot more money than the Evansville freedom festival even though there is free admission. Bad Evansville. Oh you also should do something about most of the houses in your town falling apart. There are some really nice looking houses, but 2 out of 3 had the roof caving in.

I wish I had some pictures from the trip, but our camera sucks and I need a new one. Maybe an anniversary present for us. 5 years, can you believe it?

Oh the reason I titled this post Church is because that name has been following me around the last few days. They showed Pet Semetary at Lemmons last night and the zombie cat's name is Church. There is also a guy on the Met's named Ryan Church. I also got a message from someone I used to work with in the prison food warehouse. This reminded me of this guy I used to work with in said prison food warehouse. He was quite a character. His name was Church (I'm not sure why). My favorite memory of him was when it was super hot one summer and he made a fake air conditioner out of a cardboard box and put a fan inside of it. It was heelarious.

Alright I need to go have a date with Resident Evil 5. I love you.

Take this sinking boat and point it home, we've still got time

2009-06-18T13:23:00.002-05:00

That song "falling slowly" from Once (the movie) still gives me goosebumps when I hear it. It's always good when a song can continue to do that to you. I'm a wuss what can I say.

Funniest Onion headline I've seen in a while:

Chinese Woman Gives Birth to Septuplets, Has One Week To Choose

It has been a good last few days/weeks. Some highlights:

-Hung out with Ricky, Karista and watched the Boston Strangler at work in her fancy Scottish outfit. Complete with Chuck Taylors.
-A lot of good thunder storms. You know they are good when they wake you up and your sissy dogs won't leave your side. I need a better camera to try and capture some of the cool stuffs.
-Saw the Hangover, which didn't disappoint
-Have been to the outside of the Royale 2 times in the past week, which is always nice
-Had a BBQ with The Mrs, Karista and Anne. Food was great and we sat outside all night
-Saw some fine Roller Derby and hung out with Sean & Big Ben
-Got a new monitor for my computer which is pretty sweet. 21.5 in and full HD
-Spent some time with the folks and they helped me fix my sink and get the Ice maker working
-Beat Zelda finally. It was a great game, but it took forever
-Finally turned the A/C on
-Bored anyone who reads this to death so I will stop

Half & Half

2009-06-13T10:39:00.003-05:00

Does anyone else think that it's fun to eat/drink food way after the expiration date?

Me too.

It's all just a marketing ploy.

In other news, can someone give me a ride to the hospital? I can't feel my spine.

Off to yard work.

Remember that time you were in Lone Wolf McQuade

2009-06-04T17:05:00.002-05:00

David Carradine could have at least done himself in with the Five Point Palm Exploding Heart Technique. Rip dood

Welcome to Joon

2009-06-03T22:15:00.007-05:00

That was a bunch of pictures from our trip to Denver. Can you believe it?

It was a good time, but it went by very fast. Thanks Johnnie and Kevin for being so hospitable.

Some highlights (in no particular order):

1. Sleeping in John and XXXmas's bed
2. Petting their cat's with a sock on my hand so I wouldn't start sneezing
3. Hiking around Red Rocks and Boulder
4. Playing some hoops
5. Catching Nuggets fever (only to be slapped in the face by the Lakers)
6. Great food (especially this Mexican place right outside of the store selling the oldest beer in town, Heidi's Deli (I know it is a chain, but it was good) and the vegetarian restaurant w/Kevin
7. Seeing a roller derby girl's dress get pulled over her head (this would have been my highlight if I wasn't too cheap to pay $20 to see Denver roller derby. This will be Casey's highlight)
8. Giant G&Ts in Mugs for $2.50
9. Botanic Gardens ***
10. No mosquitoes
11. Free form Clarinet/Piano/Guitar/Accordion/Violin jams
12. Seeing some olde friends (have you seen them lately? they really are olde)
13. Star Trek - I just bought a bottle of red matter. Who wants to partay?
14. I'm sure I'm forgetting some things, but life goes on

Since we got back it has been life as usual, although I feel a little more motivated and rejuvenated. I can't say it has amounted to much yet, but getting the mind right is a good first step. I fucking HATE mosquitoes.

We (Ben, Ashley & I) had a great debate/screen writers meeting at Lemmons on Monday. We decided the next big entry into the Supermovie genre (you know meshing big budget franchises ex. Alien vs Predator, Freddy vs Jason, Joe vs the Volcano....) is.............

Police Academy vs The Terminator (copyright 2009)

I don't want to give away any secrets, but let's just say that Mahoney is in for a hell of a ride.

Last item:

I finally went to The Pageant. It was to see the Yeah Yeah Yeahs. They put on quite a show. I highly recommend them. I know that it has been open for a long time, and I used to live down the street, and I've wanted to go countless times, but I finally made it happen. Maybe I just wanted to go because it was to a sold out show and I had to work hard to find tickets at the last minute. Who knows. I called a few numbers on Craigslist at about 7 o'clock. This guy had 4 tickets, but he was also selling tickets at the baseball game downtown. He said he would take a few bucks off if we met him at Broadway and Market to make the purchase. We made the buy without getting out of our car, and I half expected to get pulled over for suspicion of buying something else. It was a strange little experience, but all was well. There were some of my friends and a bunch of Rolley Skating girls there. It was a nice place. You could see well from everywhere pretty much.

Blah Blah Blah

OOh I almost forgot about my sweet (painful) sunburn. It looks like I was wearing a sportsbra in the sun for about 7 hours. Really I just did way more yardwork than I expected while wearing a wife beater. What the hell, here you go:

That is the most skin you will ever see of me.

Pleasant evenings.

*** I don't think that you can call one thing a Botanic Garden and another a Botanical Garden and have them both be right. Who's with me? Well ok. I give up.

One Can Dream

2009-05-28T18:26:00.002-05:00

Man I wish I had been born in China so I could be tall too. Sun Mingming is 7'9".

Holy Shit.

Say Whatttttt???

2009-05-28T15:43:00.002-05:00

It turns out that drinking 7 liters of cola a day is bad for you. Who would have thunk?

http://health.yahoo.com/news/healthday/toomuchcolacancausemuscleproblems.html

I guess it is good to have solid evidence to show what will happen to you if you do things like this to yourself, but is this really surprising to anyone? I bet if you drank 7 liters of fresh banana juice there would be some negative health affects as well. Do they make banana juice? If not, then why? I've seen strawberry-banana juice, but not straight up banana as far as I know.

I will try to post some pictures and exciting commentary of our trip to Denver this evening.

Can you stand to wait that much longer? Try to pass the time with this Banana juice I just found in Japan:

New Postings

2009-05-18T09:54:00.003-05:00

I need to get a new post up here so that people don't keep getting depressed by my obituary posts. Everyone needs to think about the Donut Burgers we had a Casey's birthday partay last night. They are a happy (although body shattering) thought.

I think Casey had a good birthday yesterday so that is good. I am exhausted. We stayed out a little late on Saturday after going to Macklind Days with the doggies, drinking and playing super chex at Mamacitas and hanging out at Enya Nightmare + CJs house. Then on Sunday I had a workout and cleaned the house like all day until people started arriving for the Burger Birthday Extravaganza. I think it went well. Very laid back and relaxing.

I'm going to Denver on Thursday.

Suck a Duck.

Ed Rauss

2009-05-11T20:06:00.004-05:00

My Grandparent count has dwindled down to zero.

My Grandpa died on Sunday. It was in his sleep which is good. He has pretty much been ready ever since my Grandma died 4 years ago. It is probably no fun to sit around not knowing what is going on and eating mush all day. My Grandma totally managed their lives. He had a lot of good jokes. I liked his more subtle jokes like when he asked you to hand him his testicles when he really meant his spectacles. Rest in Peace.

At least we'll get to spend some time with family from out of town for the next few days. That will be nice.

Rauss, Edward Gordon asleep in Jesus, Sun., May 10, 2009. Beloved husband of the late Lois Rauss (nee Beckemeier); dear father of Gordon (Donna) Rauss, Linda (Steve) Knese, Bill (Denise) and Ed (Becky) Rauss; loving grand-father of Kelly, Kevin, Amy, Jeff, Greg, Lauren, Robin, Rachel and Reba; dear great-grandfather of Taylor, Dominic, Izabella and Kameryn. Services: Funeral from KUTIS AFFTON Chapel, 10151 Gravois, Thurs., May 14, 1 p.m. Interment National Cemetery. Memorials to Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation appreciated. Visitation Wed., 4-9 p.m.

Check it out office fans

2009-05-10T01:22:00.003-05:00

Look it is Phyllis from the office with me and my sister. She was just there at the roller derby match. She was very nice.

Overall a very good day. Went for a dog walk, vacuumed a shit ton of dog hair, did yoga (didn't go so well), went to the Stable for a graduation Partay, Roller Derby with a M80s victory, good times at Flamingo Bowl and The Firebird. The End.

Temporarily losing my mind

2009-05-07T10:32:00.003-05:00

So I was really trying to motivate myself to get things done on Tuesday. It worked in my mind, but then I started to feel sick. I basically have been worthless for the last 2 days. I am feeling way better today though. This works out well because I am going to another Cardinals game today.

Back to my short sickness. I thought I was losing my mind last night. I am pretty sure I had a fever. I felt really cold and really hot from minute to minute. I took my temperature once and it was 99.2 and another time it was 88.1. I think my thermometer is broken. The thumb on my left hand and my right index finger felt numb. The night felt like it lasted forever as well. I dreamt/hallucinated that I was eating popcorn paper. This is like a notebook where you rip out the pages and they taste like buttered popcorn. I checked this morning to make sure this was not a real product. This morning I can't stop sweating although this is not out of the ordinary for me. That's all I can remember, but maybe more will come back to me.

Man King Ralph sure is an unorthodox king of England!

WHICH DINOSAUR/WEAPON COMBO WOULD YOU RIDE INTO BATTLE!!!!!!

2009-05-05T09:52:00.002-05:00

WHICH DINOSAUR/WEAPON COMBO WOULD YOU RIDE INTO BATTLE!!!!!!

That is the best quiz I have ever taken on facebook. I can't say that my results were the most exciting (Riding a dinosaur holding a smaller dinosaur), but 3 cheers for creativity.

I am trying really hard to motivate myself not to be a lazy bastard. I think I have probably written this or something like it 100 times in the last few years. Damn I hope it sticks this time. I don't want to look back on my life and say that I did a lot of things and met a lot of great people, but mostly I just sat around and watched TV. Some people just have that drive and I need to get it. Ok thanks for listening I am going to go take a nap.

Things I need to do:

1. Fix the kitchen sink. I bought everything I need about 2 months ago but have done nothing.

2. Vaccumm the 1/2 inch layer of dog hair off of the carpet upstairs. In my defense our old vaccumm didn't pick up any hair, but I just bought a new one and hopefully it will do the trick.

3. Throw away and/or shred mail. I think I have about 8 months worth of junk mail that I have all over the house and in a giant box.

4. Figure out what to get Casey for her Birthday. I don't think I can get away with saying the Vaccum and digital food scale we just bought counts.

5. Get caught up with my P90X workouts.

6. Start getting smarter instead of dumber.

7. Start writing and/or playing music.

8. Beat Zelda.

9. Take the dogs for more walks.

10. Come up with a blog/website idea that will take the world by storm.

How would miss manners advise you to eat nachos?

I spelled vacuum 3 different ways in this message, and they were all incorrect.

Tweeter

2009-05-02T07:03:00.002-05:00

I just joined twitter. It seems pretty pointless. Like if facebook was your car, then twitter would be the windshield wipers. Oh well. I really only joined because Casey did and I have to make sure she does not write terrible things about me on the internets. I am at www.twitter.com/ExtremeFajitas. Be there, or use your time more wisely.

None

2009-05-01T10:52:00.003-05:00

I think a lot about blogging more often, but I don't do it. I'm kind of busy at work today so today might not be the day. Things are generally good. Flight of The Conchords at the Fox last night. We could not have had closer seats. It was pretty great. Jemaine wore a Cardinals T-shirt.

I got nuttin for now, maybe more later.

Maybe....

The Good Life

2009-04-23T11:02:00.002-05:00

My workout last night kind of wiped me out. I have today off of work. I have been pretty lazy so far today. I played with the doggies. Casey is in Chicago. I got some coffee and a bagel at STL Bread Company. I learned to surf. I got my Masshysteri 7" and CD in the mail yesterday. I took a shower. I am very sweaty for no reason.

One of the above statements is false. Can you guess which one?

Today is about to be great. At least the potential is there. Ashley and I are going to eat at Pappy's BBQ and then going to see the Cardinals battle the Mets. Ida is even nice enough to drive us to the game. As long as I don't get food poisoning and it does not rain all day I will be happy.

Big Sized Video

2009-04-18T10:34:00.002-05:00

Finally a big sized Breeders video:

http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=55950644

You can see me at 1:03 ( sitting next to empty chair on right nana and mike (very tall) on left).

You can see me jumping at about 1:27-1:28.

You can see me shouting and pointing at 1:46.

You can see me sitting clapping at 2:05.

That is about it. Cool.

Casey is really in it a lot. Awesome.

Kirksville

2009-04-18T10:04:00.003-05:00

I was walking the doggies down my street this morning and I saw 2 different refrigerators in front of 2 different houses. It was then that it dawned on me how much my street reminds me of Kirksville. This makes me happy in a lot of ways, but is probably not good for my future property value. But who cares about that shit anyway right. But seriously my street is working class (besides me who is uber riche) and there are a lot of different styles of houses. Some houses are in great shape and others not so much. There is a neighborhood bar at the end of the street with good food and cheap beer. Good times.

I had my mind set on doing a lot of yard/outside work today, but the rain is starting so I might have to give up on that. Not too disappointed.

I just ordered a Masshysteri CD and 7". They were the Swedish band I saw a few weeks back. They have really stuck in my head. I have one song that was a free download on the Riverfront times website that I have listened to about 5 times today already. Here is a link to the interview/free download. I want everyone to listen to it at least 5 times today :

http://blogs.riverfronttimes.com/atoz/2009/03/swedens_masshysteri_chuck_berry_2009_us_tour_interview_regulations_vicious_robert_petterson_mp3_download_video.php

I really should re-size it, but Jen (the owner of the mostly defunct Iced Coco blog) found me in the Breeders video. See above. thanks Jen!!! I am really excited about this video, but I am about the only one. I guess music videos don't have much of a purpose anymore.

I am embarrassed to say that the P90x Legs and Back workout put me out of commission for a few days. My calf muscle was so sore I thought I would die and Casey thought she would die because of my whining. I'm ready to resume working out today with the Kenpo X workout. Yeee Haw!

The Breeders Video is Here

2009-04-15T09:11:00.002-05:00

The Breeders video that was shot here in Stl on Valentine's day is finally out. I think that you could see me if you pause it and grad a magnifying glass, but oh well. I had my moments of fame in the 2 "making of" videos. The song is good and my special lady friend is in the video at least 3 times: Once coming out of a stall (I'm going to assume she was taking a dump), once knocking over the camera man with her chest, and once kissing Grave Danger on the cheek. Good stuff. Here it is: http://www.rollingstone.com/rockdaily/index.php/2009/04/14/exclusive-premiere-the-breeders-fate-to-fatal-video-and-song/

Last night was a terrible night for the Cardinals so I'm glad this video came out this morning.

I was a lazy bum last night, so here's to me waking the fuck up today.

M80s

2009-04-13T14:48:00.002-05:00

I think that people who comment on news stories on the internet are terrible.

Had some delish Peruvian food on Friday for Annas Bidet on Friday. Blues got into the playoffs which is a cool thing. Helped my Pappy build a fence. It was pretty fun. We dug holes and mixed and poured concrete. I got a sunburn. Went to the Roller Derby where Casey kicked some asses and they won. Sunday hung with the fam. Good times.

Is it bad that I have been drinking out of the same styrofoam cup at work for like 8 months?

While driving to work I was thinking about how happy I am that I don't have to wear diapers.....yet.

Hot New Video Game

2009-04-13T14:47:00.000-05:00

http://www.theonion.com/content/video/hot_new_video_game_consists

I love this. You had better love it too.

Adventures in Facial Hair and P90X

2009-04-10T10:34:00.002-05:00

The first picture is one I am not proud of, but it is funny nonetheless. I look like a fat man with a sweet sweet stache. Again I think it is just a bad angle and me not being used to seeing my bare face yet. Today I look great. Trust me. Speaking of how I look the 2nd picture is me right after shaving my moustache off but keeping the sideburns. Ok I wish that was me, but it is really Atilla from Lionheart. I actually have a black tank top and I want to re-create this picture. We'll see if I can get it set up.

So Columbia was pretty fun even though it was a very brief trip. Casey's team won and everyone played well. Ben and I got some tasty burgers at Flat Branch prior to the bout. I did get pissed off at Saint Louis because I saw at least a few basketball hoops in parks in Columbia which is more that I can say for the STL. Come on. Let's get it going. I shouldn't have to join the Y or build my own basketball court just to shoot some hoops. Anyway...... A lot of the roller girls who were not playing in the bout were super hammered and it was fun to watch. I'm sure the ones playing also got super hammered, but Ben and I drove home soon after the bout.

I was hoping to make it back in time to go to the Megan & Kelly birthday partay, but alas it was not meant to be. Happy Birthday ladies!

After seeing my fat moustache picture I decided to start my P90X workout program. It is pretty hardcore. I have done 3 days worth of workouts and watched what I ate and my body hurts. It is a good hurt though. I should be totally ripped in just 87 more days. I have a pretty sweet set up in my garage.

There are a lot of birthday's this week. Anne, Ben, Megan and Kelly. Wowsers.

Laters

As Promised

2009-04-03T19:35:00.000-05:00

Moustache

2009-04-03T10:48:00.003-05:00

I have a moustache today. I will try to remember to take a picture 2nite. It is pretty hilarious. I laugh every time I look at myself. As more of my face is exposed on a daily basis I am reminded that my face is not very good to look at. Maybe I should start growing more things on it to cover it up.

I am about 1/3 of the way through Blood Meridian by Cormac McCarthy. It is pretty good and brutal. I know that I could die at any time, but reading this book reminds me how easy I have it. Maybe that is why I like reading/watching dark depressing stuffs so much.

The Dallas trip was fine. We didn't do a whole heck of a lot, but that was pretty relaxing.

Went to a great show at the Wedge on Tuesday. I know can you believe I actually went and did something during the week. 4 bands that were all pretty good. I don't know if the sound guy was great or the room was perfect, but all of the bands sounded amazing. Glass Teeth always puts on a great show and I hadn't seen them in a while so that was nice. I was really impressed with Masshysteri. They are a Swedish band that sings in Swedish. How bout that. I kind of preferred it. I like to think of the voice as another instrument unless the lyrics are really good. This allowed me to just get into the melody and not worry about the lyrics. They were really excited to be in St. Louis because they liked Chuck Berry. They played Johnny B. Goode.

Ahhhh yes.

I am going to Columbia tomorrow to watch some roller derby. I need some companions. Who's in?

Dirt Dog

2009-03-25T14:17:00.002-05:00

I was just reading something about guys who won't change their towels (get a clean towel after using one for a bit) until their partner does it for them. This made me think about my first few years in college (most likely all of my years in college). I would pretty much never change switch my towel or sheets. I'm sure they smelled terrible, but I must have not noticed or cared. I didn't even understand why a person would need to own more than 1 towel. Now I probably wash my towel weekly because I can't stand the smell. If I had to rely on Casey to do it, I would always have the same towel. This is not a complaint, but I think she would enjoy making fun of my smell rather than doing my laundry.

We are traveling to Dallas this weekend. Man -vs- Food has not been there yet. This is fortunate for my waistline but unfortunate for my mouth.

I am very antsy lately.

I get to bowl during work tomorrow.

Updates

2009-03-20T10:39:00.002-05:00

I'm sorry Jen, but I have bumped Iced Coco from my link list. It hasn't been updated since September so I guess we can stick a fork in it. Oh Coco. What will I do without new nasty red leather camel toe pictures on a semi regular basis? I think I could still find some if I liked, but I don't want to make Ice-T too jealous.

I am also adding links to Gin and Tacos (www.ginandtacos.com) and Normal Blog (www.nicknormal.com/normalblog). I don't know Ed from gin and tacos personally, but he is a cohort of Mike from Rortybomb. I have really been enjoying the discussion on Gin and Tacos as of late. I especially enjoy the rant about Burning Man on there today. Nick Normal from Normal Blog is one of the coolest guys around. He is living life to its fullest.

I probably should have given both of them a heads up about my endorsement because the new hits by all of the emergency pudding snack paks (as my fans call themselves) will probably crash their servers. I have confidence that their sites can handle 4 new visitors per week though.

My NCAA basketball predictions are doing pretty well. I am 13-3 after the first day. I love basketball and I really need to play more. When I say more I mean ever.

I took some Personality Tests the other day to see what I should be doing with my life. They results were the same as all the other times I have taken them. I was sometimes an ENFP and sometimes an INFP. Here were my career choices: Counselor, Teacher, Writer, Accountant, Librarian, Social Sciences Researcher and H/R Recruiter. What do you think? What could you picture me doing, or should I stick with Business dude? Just tell me. I have trouble making decisions.

I need a dog watcher next weekend when we go to Dallas. Who wants the honor?

Good Day.

Ba-Skeet Ball

2009-03-19T11:36:00.002-05:00

I was too late filling out my NCAA bracket to enter any contests, but here are my pics in case I turn out to be a genius.

1st Round: Louisville, OSU, Utah, Wake, WV, Kansas, USC, Mich State, UConn, Tx A&M, Purdue, Miss State, Marquette, Mizzou, Cal, Memphis, Pitt, TN, Fl State, Xavier, UCLA, Villanova, TX, Duke, UNC, LSU, Western KY, Gonzaga, AZ State, Syracuse, Clemson, OK

2nd Round: Louisville, Wake, Kansas, Mich State, UConn, Purdue, Mizzou, Memphis, Pitt, Fl State, Villanova, Duke, UNC, Gonzaga, Syracuse, OK

3rd Round: Louisville, Kansas, UConn, Memphis, Pitt, Villanova, UNC, Syracuse

4th Round: Louisville, Memphis, Pitt, UNC

5th Round: Louisville, Pitt

Champions: Louisville

Everyone who reads this has to give me $1000 if I am right.

Tag Team Back Aagain

2009-03-12T13:25:00.014-05:00

Here is the whirlwind version of our trip last week. I am too lazy to reformat everything so deal with it. I also want to mention that I have very impressive facial hair right now. I would say it is the colonel Sanders look with bushier sideburns.

So we began our 9 day journey on the last day of February with little sleep and a Hertz rental car. Pontiac now you're driving with excitement. (That was my attempt to drum up some sponsorship dollars). The first day was pretty damn good. I already posted some of our hilarious quips in a previous post, but there were many moments of funny stuff. No trip down 55 is complete without a stop at Lambert's home of throwed rolls. It was goooood. After that we drove a few more hours to Clarksdale, MS (in the snow).

The first 3 pictures are from Clarksdale, MS and the Shack up inn. It is an old plantation converted into a hotel and run by some hippie/jam band dudes. They were very nice, but not helpful when we wanted them to wake up before 7am to check out the next day. The room was nothing fancy, but nice enough. There was a cool mural in the bathroom that had blues stuff like Robert Johnson with devil horns. Robert Johnson supposedly sold his soul to the devil in Clarksdale, MS. I saw where the crossroads might have been and tried to sell my soul for a donut, but it wasn't worth enough.

We went to the Delta blues museum in Clarksdale and it was very cool. There were exhibits on lots of old blues guys and gals from the area. They had a cabin that Muddy Waters lived in as a child in the museum. There was a bass guitar that was made out of a gas can. The rest of the town was pretty run down. Not in a terrible way, but in the way that told you its heyday was a long time ago.

If we weren't old and lame we would have checked out the blues club owned by Morgan Freeman, or another blues club behind that one. We decided to eat PB&J and go to sleep early in anticipation of a long drive the next day.

If I go back I want a shack (we stayed in the cotton gin inn which was cool, but a shack would be cooler).

This is long winded already, so I'll skip some. Day 2 we drove a lot. It was Icy at first then we started to break through to a little warmth. I had the best cup of coffee on the trip in a Waffle House in Richland, MS. The picture below was on the way in Pensacola, FL. There were a lot of cool houses on the beach and then there was this spaceship house. The neighbors probably think you're weird, but I love you.

We got into Destin, FL in the late afternoon on day 2. The beaches were beautiful. Things were also looking very touristy. We ate at this Irish place that was pretty dern good. We bought a bottle of wine and the guy gave us a free corkscrew, how bout that.

Day 3 had no extended driving. Hooray. We went to eat at the donut hole restaurant for breakfast. I don't want to scare anyone, but there were a ton of old people there. I thought that Florida would be safe from the elderly, but they slide their greasy liver spotted mitts in everywhere don't they. (This brings up a big disappointment I had with Florida. We had Key Lime pie there and at one other place and neither were as good as the Key lime pie at Fraizers here in St. Louie. Actually these were not better than the frozen pie at schnucks. What gives? Maybe you have to go all the way to Key west. I dunno.)

After the donut hole we drove along the scenic route looking at the beach and houses and stuff. Surprisingly these houses were out of our price range. I guess I still have to count my garage as my winter home until I earn some more cash.

We went to an outlet mall which was not terrible, but only because we were only there for about an hour. I got some jeans and Casey got some fancy flip flops. Then we walked on the beach for a long time. It was only about 60 degrees so we didn't swim, but if you know anything about me it is that I like long walks on the beach. We also went to a national park and did a nature walk. We started to realize that we did like Destin because it was beautiful and could be very non touristy if you got a group together and rented a condo and cooked for yourself. That is what our neighbors are doing next month. We went out on a pier at sunset and see picture below:

Day 4 had lots of Driving down to Jupiter, FL. I used Hotwire to get us a oceanfront hilton room for $89 a night. The beach/hotel/bed were awesome. It is bullshit that you get charged for internet access at fancy hotels though. We went swimming, ate at the hotel and relaxed. This brings up one of my favorite things about the south: You can get sweet potato fries almost anywhere. Damn I love sweet potato fries.

Day 5 it was a little rainy, but we still got up and walked around the beach in the morning. We also went to this sea turtle rescue place close by. It was very cool. It made you feel sorry for the turtles, but they were getting taken care of. We ate at this place called Nature's way Cafe. It was pretty good, but it kind of shows how people like to act like they are healthy and being "green" but really it is for show. The food itself was all relatively healthy and natural and they didn't have soda, but they served everything on styrofoam. We also went to the Henry Flagler house/museum. He was this super duper rich railroad tycoon with a fancy pants house. It was pretty cool. See below:

Oh we ate at this amazing place in Jupiter that night. You might have heard of it: Chili's.

Ok Day 6 was going to be Burt Reynolds and Baseball day, but the Burt Reynolds museum had the nerve to be closed. Here is the amazing painting hanging right outside of it though. Someday I hope to get a painting like this done of myself.

Beach.

Here is Casey and I at the baseball game in Jupiter. It was great weather and you were very close to the action. It was the Cardinals -vs- The Dominican Republic team. There was this loudmouth Red Sox fan sitting next to us that I thought would be annoying, but he was actually very entertaining. He would yell stuff at everyone. The Cardinals won and the game went by really fast. I guess that is what happens when you don't have commercials in between innings.

I also ate Ice Cream from the future. Don't be jealous.

Day 7 we drove a good little bit and ended up in Savannah, GA. This was our favorite stop on the trip I would say. It is a cool historic town with awesome cemeteries, town squares and restaurants. It is known as the most haunted city in America. We didn't see any ghosties though. That is probably because they don't exist. I guess every town could claim America's most haunted city because all cities have Zero hauntings per year. I still like to pretend a little though. We ate lunch at this place that claims to be haunted by a bare knuckle boxer, went on a haunted trolley tour, got to go to this house that was on ghost hunters (Sorrell-weed house) and went swimming at our hotel. I used hotwire again in Savannah to get a hotel right on the river front. It was pretty nice and they had the softest toilet paper I have ever felt.

Day 8 we got up and went to Bonaventure cemetery which was huge and really cool. They shot some of the movie "Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil" there. I have not seen it, but I guess I should now. This would be known as a day of massive eating. We went to lunch at the Pirate house. A cool place that is supposed to be haunted by pirates and they had a great southern food buffet. They we drove the 5 minutes to get to South Carolina. I put my foot out the car door and then we departed South Carolina.

We drove to Hotlanta, GA with the sole purpose of eating at The Vortex. It is a Bar & Grill that we saw on Man -vs-Food. The food was delicious I must say. The Double Bypass burger was great and not really that difficult to eat (1/2 lb burger, 6 strips of bacon, 4 slices of cheese, 2 fried eggs, lettuce, tomato, mayo, and 2 grilled cheese sandwiches in place of buns). Damn it was good. I also had tater tots and some of Casey's sweet potato fries.

Right before we ate this guy was having trouble starting his motorcycle. Another guy helped him start it up and then he was revving it up for a while. This couple and another guy pushing a stroller walked up behind the guy on his motorcycle. I guess they thought he was being too loud in front of the baby so the guy called the motorcycle guy an asshole. I'm guessing the motorcycle guy was drunk because he got off his bike (that now was dead again) and confronted the guy who called him an asshole. They were talking and stuff and then the motorcycle guy spit in the face of the baby's father out of nowhere and then got back on his bike and sped away. It was touching.

On that note we left Hotlanta, GA after driving around downtown for a while trying to get back onto the highway. We drove to Murfreesboro, TN to spend the night.

Day 9 we drove home. The only excitement was a giant downpour of rain in Illinois when I thought I was going to die. Oh we also stopped to get gas in Kuttawa, KY which is the town I stayed in for 3 weeks when I was still at my old job. It made me shiver and I wanted to get out of there as soon as possible.

When we got home we noticed that Sean was nice enough to re-arrange all of our toys in sexual positions.

There's no place like home.

Sprang Brake

2009-03-02T19:16:00.003-06:00

Damn I've been a lot of places in the last few days. I'm in Destin, FL as we speak. More to come soon.

Here are the 2 funniest moments from driving on Saturday:

1. Casey told a truck to get over when it was driving slow in front of us and it immediately did. I asked her if she had telepathy. I then had the idea for a tv show about a man that could only use telepathy with fish. It would be called Tilapiapathy.

2. There was a Digorno truck ahead of us on the road. Casey said: That's not a delivery truck. It's a Digorno truck.

Well they were funny to us at the time so shut up.

Houses

2009-02-24T14:29:00.002-06:00

Someone buy this house for me:

http://blogs.riverfronttimes.com/stlog/2009/02/satisfy_your_inner_caveman_in_unusual_festus_home.php

If you don't want to buy it for me then I suggest that Dan and Jeannie move to Festus, MO and pick it up.

In less interesting news, I might be re-financing my house. Wooooo.

FML and Videos of me on the Internets

2009-02-19T16:05:00.002-06:00

I have been laughing at this all day:

http://www.fmylife.com

Here is a behind the scenes video from the Breeder's video shoot. I am the handsome one sitting down in a few of the shots:

http://toastedrav.com/post/6898_behind_the_scenes_the_breeders_video_featuring_arch_rival_roller_girls/feat_video

I booked all of my lodgings for my Florida Road trip. I got 4 nights free because I still have Holiday Inn points so that is sweet. I am excited about this place in Mississippi too: http://www.shackupinn.com

Maybe I can sell my soul to the devil for some skills when I'm in Mississippi, because I could use some skillz.

Rumble

2009-02-18T14:15:00.006-06:00

I take back everything bad I said about the Oklahoma City Thunder based solely on their mascot. I present Rumble the Bison:

Now I want to be traded to Oklahoma City!

Celebs

2009-02-17T14:56:00.025-06:00

As I was finishing my workout this afternoon I noticed that Tyson Chandler (NBA player that I saw in an outdoor mall while I was in California) got traded from the New Orleans Hornets to the Oklahoma City Thunder. Sucks for him on so many levels. Not to diss Oklahoma City too much because I have only been there once, but seriously. The team and city don't even compare to New Orleans. I guess he will wipe his tears with diamonds and million dollar bills.

This past weekend was possibly one of the least relaxing weekends I've had. In this case it was not really a bad thing. There were a lot of good folks in from out of town and in town for that matter. Right after work on Friday I found out that Logan was in town and Nana and Shaggy were coming soon(Meditation Mike has been around for a week or so straight outta Korea) and they came by to pick me up. Logan's new truck can be summarized as such: Fucking huge and powerful. It made SUVs look like Smart Cars. We hung out and ate dinner at Local Harvest. It was good although it took forever because our waitress forgot to put our order in for like an hour. It was no big deal once we got some delicious foods. Then we went to the City museum to meet up with Casey. They were having a roller derby kick off party. Check out the M-80s totally hardcore team picture:

You might not be able to tell because of the size, but Casey has her left elbow on the truck.

Anyway I have not been to City Museum in a little while so it was fun to climb around stuff again. It wasn't nearly as painful as I remember. I think this might be because I'm in better shape than the last time I was there. A good time was had by all. After that we hung out at Ashley's house. I think I went to bed at 4. ugg

Valentines day was on Saturday as you might have heard and I celebrated by becoming a huge star. Ok not really but this was the day of the Breeders video shoot. I was there for about 6-7 hours, but it actually wasn't that bad because at least there were people skating around to watch the whole time. The song was really good too even thought we heard it for 6-7 hours straight. I'd say Casey has a good shot of being in the actual video and I have a smaller chance, but possibly in the background a few times. Kelley Deal was there sitting in the fan section with us and helping out the director with her ideas and such. She was super nice. She signed some autographs and took a picture with us:

Please keep all of the Beard compliments to a minimum.

After the video we went to have a romantic dinner with a bunch of other Roller Derby peeps at Kickers. It is sort of a dive bar on Broadway, but they had surprisingly good food. They also had $2 burgers which tasted like burgers by grandma used to make.

Sunday was actually semi relaxing I guess. I went to the Soulard Pet Parade with tH and Meditation. We also miraculously met up with my sister and some of her folks. I say miraculously because there were a shit ton of dogs, people and 1 Bison. It was fun, but pretty crowded. I tried to meet up with my next door neighbors but was unsuccessful. I think we are star crossed neighbors because we always try to hang out and meet up but it never ends up happening. Anyway here are some photos (dogs are hard to photograph):

And there you have it.

I am happy that I did a lot this weekend, but wish I could consistently be social and active. It is good for you.

I just read this quote today and thought it was funny. It might have been originated by George Carlin: Having a ‘smoking section’ in a restaurant is like having a ‘peeing section’ in a pool.

Royal Rumble

2009-02-12T09:39:00.002-06:00

I have an idea for the next 4 people to participate in a Royal Rumble. This Royal Rumble will be a little different in that it will be to the death and the last one (winner) gets to be eaten by tigers. Here is the lineup:

1. Stewart Parnell (President of Peanut Corp of America who is responsible for 9 deaths and hundreds of sick people).
2. Bernie Madoff (Guy who ripped people off for 50 billion).
3 & 4. Mark Ciavarella and Michael Conahan (PA Judges who were paid off to send kids to juv detention centers probably ruining countless lives).

On a happier note, I slept for about 12 hours last night. It really wasn't that great but I'm trying to get to 100% after being semi-sick for like a week. Geez.

Hip Hop Opatamus

2009-02-11T10:45:00.003-06:00

The weather today is very Seattle like. I think that is a good thing for the most part although it would be better if Saint Louie also had Seattle scenery. I have been semi sick the last week or so. It is kind of a pain in the ass. I haven't been working out and I feel like a lardo, but I'm probably really not much different than usual. There seem to be a lot of sick people around. If I am ever going to be a writer I should probably work at putting sentences where they belong and not just when I feel/think of it.

My Pops bought the P90X workout program a year or so ago and I just borrowed it. I think I'm going to give it a try. I don't especially care about getting ripped, but I need something new to keep me interested in being healthy. The program has you take a before picture, and let me tell you that that is enough motivation to work out more. I don't think I'll follow the meal plan very strictly though. It wants me to eat like 250 grams of protein a day and that is just out of control. I probably eat around 100 normally.

Who knows what happens on Friday? If you guessed it is Wicket's 3rd birthday then you are right. We technically don't know Wicket's birthday because she is from the mean streets, but she is such a lover (licker) that we thought valentine's day would be perfect. I also might become a huge star on Saturday. The Breeders (the rock & roll band with Kim Deal) are shooting a video in Saint Louie with the Roller Derby Girls and I get to be in the audience. It might be a long and painful day, but I do like the Breeders and hopefully should be fun. I listened to POD on the way into work today. I should probably get a hold of their most recent album so I don't embarrass myself in case I talk to any of them.

I got some pretty great seats to see the Filght of The Conchords at the Fox Theatre in April. It should be pretty great. I have been watching the 1st season again and enjoying it thoroughly.

I am taking a week off in March and I am trying to decide what to do. I am hoping Casey can get some time off as well. Here is my dream plan for a Southern Road Trip:

1. Drive through KY and TN.

2. Stay a night in Nashville or Chattanooga or possibly the Smokey Mountains

3. Drive through Atlanta and eat the Double Bypass Burger (1/2 pound burger, 2 Fried Eggs, 4 Slices of Cheese, 5 Strips of Bacon and instead of Buns they use 2 Grilled Cheese sandwiches). http://www.thevortexbarandgrill.com/

4. See some beaches in Fla.

5. See a Cardinals Spring Training game in Jupiter.

6. Try on my new bikini.

Anyone is welcome to come along. The dates are still to be determined.

Super Bowl Porn

2009-02-03T09:48:00.003-06:00

Is it just me, or are you really hung over from Groundhog day too?

So I really didn't celebrate Groundhog day appropriately, but I spent a night at home mostly by myself. I was pretty proud of myself for not eating like a pig for the Super Bowl, but I made up for it last night when I basically ate a pound of Velveeta Cheese/Rotel Dip with chips for dinner. That was a bad choice. I did have some fun last night playing around with my Drum machine/guitar/bass in the basement. We'll see if this leads to me actually playing music more consistently, but it was fun. I had the drum machine hooked up to my big old bass amp and had some ridiculous drum patterns going ( I was too lazy to remember how to create good ones). Then I played bass/guitar along to the beats. I should really invest in some new patch cords or fix the ones I have because they short out about every 5 seconds. Is this story boring you because it is boring me.

I really liked the Wrestler. I like it more every time I think about it. The message is that you should do what you Love even if it costs you everyone/everything that you love. I don't think I'll follow that advice, but I do enjoy depressing films. Oh and Shit-Damn Marisa Tomei is hot.

I enjoyed my first Trivia Night, but I don't think I have a career in it. I just don't want to learn stuff I don't care about just to be good at Trivia. My sister was quite the expert though. It was a good time.

I got to see Jamie & Oscar which was fun. We just hung out all day on a snowy Sunday in Shrewsbury eating various cheesy meals. I wish that she lived closer, but I actually still see her a few times a year. I feel like Jamie is family ( in a good way).

I have a pretty sweet beard going on right now. It is the biggest beard I have ever had. It is not actually that sweet because it is very spotty, but it is kind of fun at the moment. I'll see if I can take some photos tonight.

We got about 8 inches of snow last Monday-Wednesday. It pretty much kept me trapped in the house because I worked from home on Tuesday & Wednesday. The doggies really enjoyed the snow. It came right up to peanut's armpits so she had to hop around the yard. Hilarious. Wicket is an Arctic bear so she never wants to come in and she lays down in the snow. Ninja also came over one day and ran around with my doggies.

I went to the Whole Foods Store partay at the Skatium on Wednesday. It was fun to rollerskate although the rental skates are TERRIBLE. I had a blister within 5 minutes. It still hurts right now. I also was screwing around and fell on my phone that was in my front pocket. I have a phone shaped bruise on my thigh (not pictured).

I don't know why people in Arizona who saw 10 seconds of Hardcore Porn were so upset. Porn is usually expensive. They are lucky that they don't get charged for that premium service. I hope that my blog is not the first thing that comes up when you search for hardcore porn.

Ok so in case I forgot that I was working in a corporate environment here are 2 emails i have gotten recently. The names and places have been hidden for their protection:

Email 1:

Please mark your calendar today to join us at a retirement celebration for Sally Sims on Thursday, February 12th, at 2:00 pm, in the Conference Room.

Our theme is a "hats off" to Sally and we ask everyone to wear your funkiest hat to the party (those of you with a creative flare can make one). The reception is not a surprise to Sally - the theme is.

Mums the word (and would look great on your hat!)

Email 2:

Sally's last day is fast approaching. I hope you have blocked your calendar to join us at her retirement celebration on Thursday, February 12th, at 2:00 pm, in the Conference Room.

As a reminder, our theme is a "hats off" to Sally and we ask everyone to wear your funkiest hat to the party (those of you with a creative flare can make one). The reception is not a surprise to Sally - the theme is, so shhhhh!

This part is NEW!

We have another surprise in store for Sally. We are creating personalized buttons to pin on to the ribbons of Sally's hat! If you would like to send Sally a short farewell message, please email me or stop by my office to pick up a paper circle to write your message on. Circles need to be returned to me by the end of the day on Feb. 9th. Thanks!

This kind of thing makes me want to drive into the Grand Canyon. I must stop typing because I need to go shopping for a super funky hat.

Who likes Wrassling?

2009-01-23T15:39:00.003-06:00

I just completed the two busiest weeks of the year at work. It wasn't bad, but it was certainly action packed. Next week will still be relatively busy, but I might be out of the deep woods.

What has been happening? I'm not sure. It is all a blur.

It was cold as fuck last week. I had to let my car warm up for like 10 minutes every time I went somewhere otherwise the brakes & power steering were frozen. I never wore a coat though. I rule.

My parents got a dog. His name is Ninja and he is a Japanese Chin (I think). He is very laid back and lovable. We'll see how he and my doggies interact. Hopefully not terribly.

Yesterday one of my very best friends, Joe, and his special lady had a new special lady baby. I went to see them today and everyone is doing well. She is cute and she doesn't do anything. Oh wait she did poop a lot while I was there. Congrats!!!

This weekend here are my goals:

1. Go watch the Wrassler at the Tivoli. ( I better reach this goal because I already bought tickets online).
2. Go see Tony play some musics at Cafe Ventana.
3. Give a Bolivian man an appendectomy.
4. Play Zelda (beat it maybe? I am on hour 25 or 26).
5. Go to Roller Derby Trivia night and win fabulous prizes.
6. Snort an anthill.
7. See my very special friend Jamie and her crew from Canadia.
8. Give myself props for spelling appendectomy right on the first try.

PETA is trying to get people to refer to fish as sea kittens so they won't want to eat them. Adult swim made the joke that all this talk made them hungry for land fish (actual kitties). hahaha

bye

It puts the lotion on its skin

2009-01-12T11:46:00.003-06:00

I have been putting on lotion since I almost scratched all my skin off last week. I must say that I hate it. I feel slimy all day and like a woman. I feel like a slimy woman. Besides that all is well.

Friday night was pretty low key. Me and the Mrs went to bandanas BBQ. We usually enjoy this, but it was a real disappointment. I kind of don't want to go there ever again. We then rented Kung-Fu Panda from the Red Box outside of Walgreens. I was impressed at how easy and cheap this thing is. I watched Kung-Fu Panda and fell asleep on the couch. I did watch the rest on Saturday morning though. It was pretty damn good.

Saturday night I got to see Ricky Elz and his lovely special lady friend at The Scottish Arms. It was good to see them and catch up. The biggest revelation of the night is that Eric has nicknames for anyone he cares about. So if he ever calls you by your full name then you know you are off of his will. In addition to the conversation I had some delicious beers and chips. That place is pretty nice, but I never understand what type of person hangs out there. Which is not necessarily a bad thing, just something to think about.

Sunday I woke up with a terrible headache, but managed to fight it off, walk the dogs, and play a few hours of Zelda.

This is so funny it makes my head hurt again:

http://www.theonion.com/content/video/apple_introduces_revolutionary

No Fleas

2009-01-09T16:09:00.002-06:00

I don't have fleas, but I sort of wish that was the problem.

My itching made me so crazy the last few days that I wanted to die. I finally broke down and went to the doctor and they said: oh it is just eczema (severe dry skin). I already knew I had that, but it had never been nearly this bad. My arms, legs and ears were all fudged up. They gave me some steroids and told me to buy expensive lotion. Today the itching is a little better, but I tried to bench press 400lbs and was unsuccessful. Whoever said steroids makes you stronger is a liar. (Ok I know that joke was bad, but wouldn't you have been disappointed in me if I hadn't wrote it?)

I somehow convinced myself on Wednesday that my wii playing had made me itchy. I had been feeling a little better, but then it flared up when I was playing Twilight Princess. Thank goodness that I am not allergic to the video games.

Casey told me she bought me a present today. Hopefully it is a good one and not another bag of rotten vegetables. We'll see.......

Until we meet again.