Thursday, December 27, 2007
In this movie the Alien and Predator are friends and then they get hooked on drugs. They fight a little and pawn each other's televisions for drugs. Then the Predator wants to fit into a red dress to go on a game show. He starts losing a ton of weight and eventually runs out of money. The Alien just loves to shoot hot drugs. Eventually Alien also runs out of money. Then they hear about this dealer who will give them drugs, but he doesn't need money. He needs them to put on a show for his friends at a party. Before you know it the Alien is ass to ass with the Predator with nothing between them but a lubed up black dildo.
I hope everyone had a merry christmas.
Props to Tony J for giving me the spark to come up with this great screenplay.
Thursday, December 20, 2007
I did think of a dream date, Picture this:
Special Lady/Man Friend walk into your house.
It's a warm 89 degrees to encourage clothes coming off.
You have a 4 pack of Bartles & James Wine Coolers chilling in a Silver Ice Bucket. (Substitute Seagram's if you must).
You have a bowl of freshly popped pop corn waiting on the bearskin rug (For a sensual touch add gravy to the popcorn. Gravy is nature's aphrodisiac.).
You look up to the flat screen plasma and you see the menu screen for "The Little Mermaid" Director's cut.
Hit Play and watch the evening come to you.
I think that's all I got. I'm busy at work and I sleep when I get home.
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
Friday, December 7, 2007
Thursday, December 6, 2007
I really need to go work out after work, but there is a winter weather advisory at 6. I think I am just looking for excuses to get fat again.
Tuesday, December 4, 2007
I think that is the best thing I could ever hope to hear on my next birthday.
Sunday, December 2, 2007
Right now I am listening to a couple of Leonard Cohen songs that I got off of iTunes. I had $3.24 left on a gift card from last Christmas that I thought I should use. I already have a bunch of Leonard Cohen music from when he was a lot younger and his voice was less dark and gravely. I do enjoy that stuff, but I also have a special place in my heart for the later stuff.
I was thinking earlier today that it would be funny if I decided to learn a new language and discovered that my dogs knew a bunch of tricks, but only in the new language I learned. It might be possible for Wicket because she was rescued from the mean streets. I like to think that she escaped from a Russian gulag and took a carnival cruise to the US (I am referring to the United States and not US weekly).
Let's see. Oh I saw No Country for Old Men at The Moolah on Friday night. I definitely enjoyed it. It was a cool idea for a story and the characters were flawed and interesting. I can't decide if I like the fact that there wasn't a real climax in the movie or not, but overall it was a good one. I also fulfilled my lifelong goal of seeing every Coen brothers movie that has been released. I also watched The Big Lebowski in bed this morning.
On the home front I am excited because we are done putting down our bamboo floors. Hooray!! There is still a lot of little stuff to do, but it feels good to make progress. We even got done in time on Saturday to watch the terrible Mizzou game.
Thursday and Friday's Internet theme was "titties." Jessica filled out one of her many myspace surveys and commented that her titties were her best feature and then Dan OB made his titties hurt from pumping too much iron. Oh and there is a lot of pornography on the Internet. I thought I would add that last one to hammer the theme home.
The internets told me that it was Eric Elz's birthday today. I called him but he didn't answer as usual. I like to think that he doesn't answer because he is in a Russian gulag.
Keep your eye on the prize.
Thursday, November 29, 2007
After the big meal we continued to eat dessert and drink beer and watch the mighty Missouri Tigers stomp Kansas. They are pretty good and I must confess that I am excited about this weekend's game. Although I still think that the Truman State University Bulldogs could teach them a thing or two about football. After the game it went downhill fast when nana, andrew and casey decided to look at videos on the internet of people shitting on eachother and various other things. Luckliy there are many rooms in Ashley's house. I prefer to make jokes about people shitting on eachother and not look at people doing it on the internet. I'm just old fashioned like that.
So that's it.
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Actually I have just been real busy. Work is picking up in a major way, even though we took time out to go to a Japanese steak house for lunch today. It was delicious and entertaining, although our chef was definitely not Japanese.
Last Sunday I was going to make an entry because I found this ridiculous, but tempting ad in the newspaper. It was for a farting teddy bear. At first I am like, that is the dumbest thing I've ever seen. What kind of people buy crap like that from the newspaper. Then I though about how funny it would be to buy that for someone and see what kind of reaction I would get. That is when it all clicked. It is a stupid product, but I thought about buying it. I stopped myself but the average American is not as smart as me and they bought it. Thus the creator of the farting teddy bear is rich and I am not. If I get around to it I will scan the ad and post it. It is priceless. Well actually it is like $20, but the ad is priceless.
I laid down about 2/3 of my flooring last Saturday with the help of my all knowing father, Casey and Eugene. I worked from 9 am until 11:30 pm. I was hoping to get it all done, but after seeing how long it takes to get started I was happy to get where we got. Unfortunately that means I will have to rent the nail gun again and work my ass off for at least another day. I just want this project to be over. I want to sit in my living room again and play some wii or read a book or take a nap or play some guitar.
While working I went on the bagel diet again with some great results again. Started on Friday at 204 and by Saturday night I weighed 201.5. The secret again is eating 4 bagels in a day.
The other good news is that they finally totaled out my car. I am pretty happy with the amount I'm getting as well. I will get a check tomorrow and then I have to scramble to buy a new car before the weekend is out. Oh and last week there was some car excitement involving the towing of the car to the insurance company. I talked to the guy on Friday and he told me to clean out the car and take the plates off on Sunday because they would come to get the car on Monday. So I did. Then I got a call Monday from the tow company and they said they couldn't come till Tuesday. OK fine no big deal. Then I got a call on Tuesday from the tow truck driver at about 12:45 saying that he couldn't find the car. I gave him directions again, but he said he still couldn't find it. Then when I got home the car was not there. I know that no one stole it because it was all smashed up and not mobile. Evidently one of my a-hole neighbors called the city and had them tow it. It got towed at 11:30. Yes 1 hour and 15 minutes before the insurance company came to pick it up. The next morning I had to drive to the impound lot and show them that it was my car so that the insurance company could get it and pay the fee. So it all ended OK but it was a pain in the ass. I hate cars, but I'll soon be the owner of a new one. I hate cars.
Friday, November 9, 2007
I have been going to the workout room at work pretty regularly. I usually go after work, but occasionally at lunch. When I go at lunch, this lady is always really excited to get on the treadmill and watch Matlock. She is probably no older than 33. I tried to warn her that she will wake up and be 85 years old if she continues to watch Matlock, but she won't listen.
I found out that one of my bosses used to be a platform dancer at Tremors at Six Flags. Tremors was this shitty dance club for teenagers that was open from 1989 to 1993. It later turned into the carrot club and later was bulldozed and used for the Batman ride (a wise move). I don't think I ever actually went there, but I remember going with my Mom to pick up my sister from there occasionally. I picture a lot of hairspray bangs and other great early 90s apparel. Anyway, there also was a TV show on channel 11 where they had live video from inside Tremors. We are going to try to locate some of these tapes to embarrass our boss. If anyone has them, please give them to me.
Other than that, not a lot happening. The new Coen brothers movie looks pretty good, so maybe I'll go see that. Also, I can't get the speakers on my computer at home to work. I have been trying to listen to music more often to try to inspire me to pick up my instruments more than a few times a month, but things keep getting in the way. Oh well.
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
One funny thing that happened that night is my short conversation with the tow truck driver. AAA showed up very quickly, which was nice. The driver was a super nice guy. Once I got in the truck he didn't really seem to care about the accident, but he asked me if I knew a lot about day trading. I told him that I took a finance class a long time ago, but I don't know enough to help him make any money. Then I told him about this study in which the top financial gurus and a group of monkeys both picked stocks. They tracked the stock performance over a period of time, and the monkey's stocks performed better every time. I don't think that he found me all that helpful, but his strange interest in the stock market made the night a little more light and fluffy.
I think that people think that I am a genius because I wear glasses. I am not stupid by any means, but I would not say that I am a genius. The tow truck guy thought enough of me to ask financial advice and I always was assumed to be the brains behind the operation at my old job. Even though at my old job I would travel with computer programmers and IT personnel, I would get asked the questions because I look nerdier. How bout that?
Another funny thing about the car accident is when I was filing a claim with the insurance company. I gave the names of everyone in our car, and the lady thought I was pretty suave. I told them that Casey, Ashley and Kris were in the car with me. She then sounded a little more disappointed when I told her that I was not taking in the night life with three ladies, but one lady and two guys with girls names. I guess that is like saying you hung out with a celebrity last night, and it turns out that the celebrity was Dennis Haskins (otherwise known as Mr. Belding). Oh well.
Smell you later.
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
The big news is that a gaston and a zambo are coming to visit. I wish it was a gaston and a zamboni, but I'll take what I can get. I haven't seen Gretchen and her little one in a while and it will be good to see them. The last time I saw the little fella, she didn't do a heck of a lot but I hear she is talking up a storm now. Now I'll have dogs and kids keeping me from a good night's sleep.
Here is a joke that I was told back in Kirksville by Ruthann. I answered incorrectly, but I think I enhanced the joke in doing so.
Why can't ghost's have babies?
Jeff's answer (with no hesitation): Because they don't have a Boo-terus
I think the real punchline is something about a halloweenie, but I'm a women's libber and I helped out the cause. You're welcome ladies.
Monday, October 29, 2007
Deep in my heart I wish the bagel diet really worked, because I could probably eat just bagels.
Not a lot to report. I have been working on the house a lot, but I will not make my personal deadline of November 1st for being done with the major rennovations. I have all of my sub-floor down and still need to get the walls smoothed out before I can paint. The other real problem is that my dad can't come over again for a few weeks and he is integral to the project being complete.
I crashed a Halloween partay on Friday. It was ok and unexpected. Ashley got off work at 11:30 and told Casey and I that we were crashing a party. When he got to our house he also had just discovered that it was a costume party. After a lot of time and thought were spent(5 minutes worth) we all had costumes. Casey wore my powder blue tuxedo and drew on a mustache to be Steve Buscemi from the Wedding Singer. Ashley and I found some short gym shorts and tight t-shirts and tennis raquets to be an 80s Doubles Tennis team. Luckily I think we escaped without any pictures of us being taken. We made fun of these guys who wanted to dress up like the furies from "The Warriors," but instead of baseball uniforms they wore scrubs because they were cheaper. That took it from a potentially good costume to a very lame costume. That is like dressing up like the incredible hulk, but painting yourself yellow because the paint was cheaper.
It was a semi fun party with a little dancing and some good music (some sort of mash-ups mix was playing).
I have recently found this guy who blogs from prison in Arizona. I have found it very interesting because I have travelled to so many prisons around the country for my old job. I also spent about 3 months in Arizona back in 2005. If I get around to it maybe I'll put up a link.
Keep on keeping on.
Thursday, October 25, 2007
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
The family was on the run and they were somewhere in the south in some old house. Every time Peter opened something up a raccoon would jump out and start scratching and biting him.
Then he needed to go to the bathroom, and they only had an outhouse. (recipe for hilarity)
He proceeded to try to crawl into the hole in the outhouse and he ended up knocking it over. Then he said: Ohhh it's everywhere. Even in my raccoon wounds.
I know that describing it took every ounce of life out of it, but all I have to say is that shit in raccoon wounds is funny.
Thursday, October 18, 2007
Monday, October 15, 2007
Now that I don't travel for work anymore I am happier, but the weeks seem to go by very quickly. I don't know if I am just busy or if I don't see a lot of new things anymore, but it is speeding by.
This weekend was a lot of fun. It was The sHadow's birthday extravaganza weekend. We went to this place called skyzone in chesterfield. It was totally bodacious!! It is this place that is covered in trampolines. The floor, the walls etc... I almost broke my ankles and my back, but it was worth it. I could hardly walk the next day. I am old. The mens bathroom also smelled like a diaper. Here is the website: http://www.skyzonesports.com
Yes we were the oldest people there without children.
Then we had some great Indian food, some delicious homemade cookies from Jessica and Allie (not to be confused with Kate and Allie the TV series, or Cagney and Lacey), and then went to the City Museum. We saw some guy try to buy something from the consession stand there with money he had in his sock. Unfortunatly they have a strict "No Sock Money" policy. They had a sign and everything. Poor sock money :(
Now I'm at work. The end.
Thursday, October 11, 2007
Marion Jones the olympic athlete recently admitted to using steroids (but who dosen't love at least a little steroids) and gave back her olympic medals. Some people were very upset over this whole ordeal. The first thing that I thought of was McDonald's. I'm not sure if the promotion was running in 2000 when Marion Jones earned her medals, but McDonald's had a contest where you would win prizes based on how many medals a certain country had at the end of the olympics.
Do you think that anyone who won prizes at McDonalds based on the number of medals earned by the USA will be getting a call soon to give their prizes back? It is only fair.
So far everything I feel like writing about is food. This may have something to do with my girth. Hopefully the next entry will range into different topics, like beverages.
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
I don't consider myself the King of finding stuff on the internet, but I think I'm pretty good at it. I looked for a good 5 minutes for any history on the internet of the "Hot Dog Zone" but with no success. So I will offer a reward of a hot dog to anyone who finds mention on the interwebs. I suppose now I should tell some people that this weblog exists, otherwise I'll never find the "Hot Dog Zone."
That's the kind of thing I think about.