Monday, December 22, 2008

DOB's Blog Title makes me want to vomit: Eating Pizza Makes My Mustache Smell Like Vomit

The weight loss contest is officially over for me. I will find out if I won sometime tomorrow.

I lost 25 lbs in total. Pretty sweet. Let's see if I can keep it off/take more off/look less like chewed bubblegum.

Here is this guy who made Christmas songs mashed up with NES songs. I think it is pretty cool. Check it out if you wish. The album is free to download. Here is his site:
Here is his myspace if you want to hear a sample:

This really made my day. I will have to remember to download it when I get home.

Friday, December 19, 2008

Wu-Tang is for the children

190 can you believe it?

So today I hit 190 lbs. I think that this is the least I've weighed since 2002. If I stay on my game today, maybe I can hit the 180s by tomorrow. Final weigh in on Monday. Wooooooo.

I do feel good and am happy about my looks when I eat well and exercise, but it is kind of boring. I haven't been out to eat in a while or seen my friends for that matter. Maybe my life revolves around food too much. Food is so good though.

I read Superman: Red Son last night. It was pretty interesting and the art was cool. It was a story about if Superman would have landed in Communist Russia instead of the US. I especially liked that Batman wore a fuzzy KGB style hat in it. My quest for infinite jest has stalled. I hope to pick it back up after the busy season at work. Comic Books are all I can handle right now.
Here is a great joke that my brother told me on Thanksgiving:
Why did the Pilgrim's pants fall down?
Because he was wearing his belt on his hat.
I love it!!!!

Arkansas family welcomes 18th child, a girl

Put her in jail. At least put her vagina in jail.

Monday, December 15, 2008

I was always surprised that we served wine and beer at Chuck E Cheese's

Where have I been mang?

Jeepers Creepers I have been a bad blogger. Is it bad blogging ettiquite to talk about blogging in your web log? I'll check on that.

So I did something last week that I'm not sure is sanitary. What do you think:

So the Mrs and I brushed our teeth right after I took a shower. I needed to shave. The bathroom sink drains very slowly and sometimes is half full of water. At this point in time it was half full of cold water/spit/toothpaste. I decided to just run some extra hot water and shave using the cold water/hot water/spit/toothpaste/shaving cream mixture.

I am calling everyone out to eat/drink at your local/mom & pop establishments. I'm worried that with the shitty economy that people will stop going to great local places. They might not be able to make it. The Pitted Olive, which is the restaurant I raved about how great their food was, has now been closed because they didn't think they could stay open with their declining sales. I always tried to support my community anyway, but now it is as important as ever.

I found out that a dude I used to know died recently. He was Ruthann's boyfriend a few years back. He was always a nice guy to me and even since their breakup I would see him every so often. I am pretty sure that he was under 40 and had a heart attack. He did live life hard so maybe it caught up to him, or maybe it was just one of those things. I guess you have to get used to people dying. I still find it kind of surreal. I didn't really have to deal with death all that much for most of my life. On that note. My mom used to work at a poison center and she knows a bunch of easy ways to kill yourself. Most of the ways were with regular household items and worked by affecting your body's ph balance. Nutty.

I was flipping around on the tv last week and I came upon a movie called "Gacy" about John Wayne Gacy. I wouldn't have watched it at all except for the fact that John Wayne Gacy was played by the same actor who played Francis Buxton on "Pee-Wee's Big Adventure". Good for you and your father.

I have 1 week left until my final weigh in for the weight loss contest. I have been at about the same weight for weeks so I'm getting worried that someone will sneak up on me, but hopefully I can control myself this week and pull out a victory. The only hard part will be a party that I'm going to on Saturday. Hopefully I will be good and not blow it. We shall see.

If you haven't seen this yet then you should:

It might be gone by the time you look for it. If it is then just search for jizz in my pants snl on youtube. You might not want to watch at work, but I won't judge you.


Tuesday, December 2, 2008


So posted a top 10 lamest blogs list today. Unfortunately I didn't make it on the list. You can tell I have been trying hard by hardly ever posting and when I do I just re post a picture I saw somewhere else. I guess that is deemed to be awesome by as opposed to lame.

Thanksgiving was great. I think that it is probably my favorite holiday. I saw a lot of family and friends. I ate about 4 Thanksgiving meals which didn't help my weight loss, but surprisingly didn't hurt it too much either.

There was an Arrested Development marathon on TV on Thanksgiving. I recorded them and have watched them all. Then I borrowed season 3 from Sean and am almost done. Damn that was a good show. I accidentally typed "good sow" first. I don't know that I will ever get the opportunity to type "good sow" for real. So sad.

Work has picked up quite a bit lately which was to be expected. It sure does make the days go by fast.

Ok I'm busy. Bye.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Tuesday, November 11, 2008


I have had the Aqua Teen Hunger Force movie (Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film for Theaters) on my DVR for about 5 months now. I finally got around to watching it this weekend. I was a little curious as to how an 11 minute show was going to translate to a feature length film. It was pretty awesome. The song at the beginning was enough for me to go away happy. Evidently it was done by the band "Mastodon." It probably helps that I divided it up into 2 parts to watch so that nothing got annoying, but that is some good stuffs. OOh here are the lyrics to the song:
Don't talk, watch!Don't talk, watch!You came here. Watch it.Don't like it? Walk out.We still have all your ****ing money.Do not nudge, kick or jiggle the seat in front of you.I'm sitting there!I am everywhere at once and I will cut you up.If you make out here,I will cut your lips and tongue from your head with a linoleum knife.Do not explain the plot.If you don't understand, then you should not be here.Your money is our money and we will spend it on drugs.Do not crinkle your food wrappers loudly.Be considerate to others,or I will bite your torso and give you a disease.Did you bring your baby?Babies don't watch this.Take the seed outside. Leave it in the streets.Run over it after the show.If I see you videotaping this movie,Satan will rain down your throat with hot acid and dissolve your testicles and turn your guts into snakes.
I had a dream Sunday morning that I was running the last mile of a marathon for a 70 year old guy named Doug. I knew it was for Doug because I was wearing a medallion with his name on it as I finished the race. What does this mean do you think?
I had my midpoint weigh in for the weight loss contest and I lost 6 more pounds. That makes a total of 19lbs lost as far as the contest is concerned. I celebrated by eating pizza, pie and Cheez-it crackers last night. Don't worry......the Cheez-it crackers were reduced fat.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Remember, remember the Fifth of November

I was reading about how they celebrate Guy Fawkes night in England and it makes me glad I don't have to eat their cuisine. Here are two things they typically eat today: 1. black peas with vinegar and 2. Groaty Pudding (also known as Groaty Dick). If I start to struggle losing weight I just need to go to England where the food is required to sound and taste disgusting.


Ok I was going to write some funny stuff, but I read this ( and decided that anything I wrote would be inferior. There is always tomorrow for the funny to come back to me.

Last night was fun and felt good. Hopefully the good feelings continue. Ashley, TH, Ben & Ben Mom & Dad, Ida & BF the missus and myself watched the returns at Lemmon's. A bar full of pessimistic dirt bags (myself included) cheering on a politician is really saying something in my opinion.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Did you vote for Babar the Elephant? I think he's a libertarian

I voted today. Did you? Obama better win because I haven't voted for a presidential winner since 1996. I think I went to the polls too early though. I got there at 6:10 am and I wasn't done till about 7:40 am. There was a line going halfway down the block. As I was driving to work at 8:20 am there was no line outside. It wasn't bad though. It was a nice morning to stand out on a street corner. I think I will hang out outside of the baptist church every morning from now on just for kicks.

Monday, November 3, 2008

Boar-ed (that spelling makes saying you're bored more exciting)

Does anyone want me to talk about how bored I am? I will spare you that, but I am bored. Just in general.

I partially blame my weight loss contest. I have been working out for 2 hours a day on weekdays, and slacking a little bit on the weekends. This makes me feel like all I do is workout and then come home to an empty house because Casey is either working or doing something roller derby related. I do feel pretty good though as a result of my fanatical exercise regime. I have even been exercising in the morning the last few days. Who would have thunk?

The Halloween weekend was pretty fun though not super eventful. We didn't feel like handing out candy so we went to eat some Ethiopian food with the Shadow and BG. It was delicious as usual. We were the only ones there. I hope that a lot of these small local places aren't forced to close because everyone is scared about money. Hopefully it was just empty because it was Halloween. We went home and handed out a little candy and tried to find scary stuff on TV. I wanted to see the new Kevin Smith movie, but I couldn't rally the troops enough so I gave up.

Saturday was such a beautiful day. I went for a dog walk early in the morning. Then I convinced Casey to go to Kaldi's with me to drink coffee and read while sitting outside. I love coffee now. I feel like I should have tried to like coffee harder back in the day, because I feel my life would have been better. I think I had 3-4 cups of coffee and some delicious food. I made a little bigger dent in Infinite Jest. Being in that neighborhood really has a lot of great memories too. We used to do laundry down the street and hang out at Kaldi's. Casey used to even work there right when she moved to St. Louie. I kind of want to live in that neighborhood, but there might be too many old white people for my liking. I guess we will make that determination if we ever decide to move again.

We attended a party on Saturday night and I dressed as a typical American tourist. I wore a Hawaiian shirt, plaid shorts, striped socks, camera bag, baseball hat. It was pretty much how I dress except that I don't usually wear Hawaiian shirts. So I didn't win any costume contests. Casey went as the Black Dahlia, but didn't actually cut herself in half. It was a pretty good time. Casey got hammered and was in fine form as usual. We have some great photos from the Jack in The box drive thru.

Yesterday was the Roller Derby awards banquet. It was a fun time, but I left early so Casey could have a better time hanging out with her roller homeys.

I feel like I should have something funny to say, but I am at a loss. Check out my igrobot that Julie and Scott gave me for by Bday:

I grew it myself. It has actually grown a lot more since this was taken last week.


Thursday, October 23, 2008

Thinking Happy Thoughts

I am trying to settle down because I woke up grumpy and it hasn't gotten any better.

Right as I was getting up to let the dogs out it started pouring down rain. The dogs ran out and then ran right back in. Ok no problem I'll let them out after my shower. Of course after I get out of the shower I notice that my room smells like old beef stew. Peanut pooped in the house. Fantastic. I should have expected this anyway because she ate a bunch of Casey's spaghetti last night when Casey wasn't watching. It was easy enough to clean up, but as I was turning around I smashed my foot into my treadmill. Then it took me a long time to get to work because it was raining. So fuck you.

Ok I'm calming down. The good news:

1. Down to 198lbs today which is 13lbs down from the beginning of the weight loss contest. I am currently in 1st place (did I mention this before?) but by a slim margin.
2. I have watched a vampire movie for each of the last 2 nights and hope to continue this tonight if I'm lucky. Tuesday it was 30 days of night and yesterday was I am legend. They were both good enough, but not great. I really like the idea places that were once inhabited, but are not any longer. I think that would be pretty fun to explore. Casey said that she would kill herself, but I would try and give it a go. Also the vampires in these 2 movies were not like the vampires I'm used to. You know sophisticated and cool. These were bloodthirsty maniacs. I guess both need their time to shine. Any suggestions for 2nite?

There was a story on TMZ about Tito Ortiz (MMA star) and Jenna Jameson (Porn star) and it really made me laugh. Here is the headline:

Now that Tito Ortiz and Jenna Jameson have more in common than just taking shots to the face -- she's preggers with his twins -- the soon-to-be foursome have purchased a $3.4 million home in Huntington Beach, Calif.

Friday, October 17, 2008

Apples and Shaman

I don't know if you have eaten Honey Crisp apples before, but you had better start. They usually cost more than regular apples (although I just got a bag of them for $4) but they make all other apples seem like they were grown inside an elephant's ass. They are seriously great. It is unfortunate that they are only available for a short time each year, but fuck damn they are good.

I am stalling out in my weight loss contest. I am not gaining, but I have not lost anything in the past week or so. I really need to get motivated to win this thing.

When a big bunch of us were in California in 2006 for Johnnie boy's wedding we went on a long hike one day. It was a great day and the forest was beautiful and there was a waterfall at the midpoint of the hike. After we had finished swimming a little this guy walked up and started talking to us. He was very tan probably in his 40s with a bunch of tattoos. It was very surreal. He said that he was a Shaman and he proceeded to tell us a bunch of stories about how he could heal people by lighting a fire for them. Eventually he asked us when we were going to leave because he intended on bathing in the water when we left. We thought that was a great time to make our exit. After we had made it a little further we all talked about how we were 95% sure that he was going to kill us. It was a weird experience, but a great day.

Sorry to hear about your pappy DOB, but I'm sure he'll be fine. I am not a religious man, but I'll try to find the Shaman to light a fire for him just in case.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Blog Birthday

Emergency Pudding turned 1 on October 10th.

I would like to thank none of you for your well wishes.

Are you a Warrior? Killer? Slicing Shit Like A Samurai?

There is this guy at my work that is in a wheelchair. I swear that he is in the bathroom every time I walk in there. It freaks me out. I don't know if he has some bowel/bladder issues or if he just goes into his stall and takes a nap, but he is always in there. Maybe he thinks he is in prison and is trying to tunnel his way out through the handicapped stall. I'll have to stake it out and go in the big stall sometime when he is not in there.

I have been staying up sort of late the last few nights. Probably after 2am on Friday, Saturday & Sunday. More like 12-1 the last two nights. It sort of makes me happy because I feel like I am wasting so much time if I fall asleep at 9 or 10 on the couch. I wouldn't say I'm being particularly productive in these extra hours (watching TV, Sports, reading, laundry.....) but I can function on a lot less sleep than I have been getting.

Casey's team (the M-80s) won the Roller Derby Championship on Saturday. It was a bloodbath. The score was something like 120-39. Casey played well and didn't break anything. There was a line of kids waiting for her autograph after the bout (no lie). I took a few pictures which I will post at a later date. Good job Casey!!!! I think that I am just like a baseball player's wife at this point. I just go watch her in the big game and sit at home while she is at practice. I need a hobby.

It was the Shadow's birthday yesterday. We went to watch his indoor soccer match. He scored a goal, but his team blew the lead in the second half and lost. Some of the guys on the other team were not good. I feel like I could try to play soccer, but I really have never played and would worry about always being out of position. I also think I got a raw deal with when I was born. I graduated high school in 96 and I am 30. The Shadow graduated high school in 99 and just turned 28. We are only 2 years apart, but he got to spend 2 more years delaying reality in school. Way to go. Anyway Happy Birthday!!

Here is my prom picture:

Monday, October 6, 2008

Jeff drops below 10,000 for first time since '04

I'm going to go ahead and say I had a great weekend. I also think I made a rather important economic discovery:

As the economy declines the number of adults who ride children's bicycles increases.

I came up with this hypothesis when driving home from work on Friday. I saw 3 men riding kid bikes.

Friday I had a hard bootcamp class after work. Then I rushed home to get ready to celebrate Karista's birthday. As I was getting ready I think I broke or sprained one of my toes. It is feeling better now but it is all purple and was very painful. I met up with Karista, Anne, Ryan & Ann (Who I have not seen in a very long time and was happy that it didn't feel strange) to go bowling at the Moolah. I had some beers and bowled my best game ever (183). I was definitely out of bowling shape because my bicep still feels like jello today. Then we went to the Scottish Arms, which I had not been to before, to meet up with Catherine. It was ok. I had a Strongbow Cider which was cold and delicious. Karista had scotch, which I still have nightmares about from my 21st birthday. The music was really loud, but it didn't seem like the type of place that should have had loud music. I stayed till it closed and walked out to see that someone had their back car window smashed. Luckily my car was fine and that was that. Karista is old.

Saturday was nice and relaxing. I watched football and some fights and that is really about all I can recall about Saturday. Casey was kind of sick so we stayed in.

Sunday was also relaxing, but we actually went out to something called a Canine Carnival. We took the doggies and they seemed to have a good time. It was fun to see lots of dogs, some of which were wearing costumes. We actually got our picture taken and put on the internets. Here it is:

You probably can't tell, but Wicket is wearing a skeleton t-shirt and peanut is wearing a skull t-shirt. They don't know how to pose for cameras very well. Here is a link to look at other people's doggies:

After the dog festivities we met up with Ashley and the Shadow to eat at Pi. I know that eating pizza is not good for someone in a weight loss contest, but screw you. It was the first time any of us had been there and it was delicious. The crust was made with cornmeal so it is a different taste, but damn was it good. Casey went to a roller derby meeting at night and I decided to make a giant white russian using possibly expired half and half. It did the trick and I was feeling good and then sleepy. A nice end to a nice weekend.

Get ready to steal your kid bikes.

Thursday, October 2, 2008

This makes me laugh

Breast Cancer Launches WNBA Awareness Month

I know it is not in the least bit creative to put down an onion article in my blog, but this made me chuckle. I feel your pain women's professional basketball. I don't know many people who like basketball, let alone women's basketball.

I found out that I am getting a raise. Hopefully that is a good sign that I won't be fired. Or is it their excuse to say that they can't afford me now?

Reading financial/economic news makes me want to drink heavily. I took 3 economics classes in college and I did well in all of them, but I still think that everyone is making everything up. Here is a link to this guy Mike's blog: I don't know Mike super well, but we have corresponded on a few occasions. He is super cool and smart and I usually like reading his take on economics.

It's a good thing that I'm starving myself or I might start to drink heavily. Those damn *alcoholic calories!!!

* The first time I spelled alcoholic I was so far off that the spell check suggestions were very funny. Unfortunately now that I've spelled it right I can't remember my first misspelling.

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Is the Internet Dead

There has been a serious lack of blogging going on from people other than me for once. Let's get it together people.

I spent the weekend eating, watching movies/TV, eating, fighting diabetes and eating. I am pretty satisfied with my weekend eating although it was hard to keep going at times. I think I put on about 6 lbs this weekend for the weight loss contest weigh in on Monday. Please see footnotes for weekend food consumption. The good news is I already lost 7.5 lbs from yesterday. I think I might have the world's largest bladder because I peed out 2 lbs immediately after the weigh in and lost probably another couple pounds of liquid. Unfortunately now I have to start losing real weight. Let's do it. woooo.

I saw Burn After Reading. I liked it. You can't argue much with a movie you walk out of laughing and asking what the hell was that that just happened. I also watched 4 episodes of True Blood and finished the 1st season of Mad Men. I am pretty into both of these and recommend them highly.

I took the puppies to Forest Park on Sunday for the JDRF diabetes walk (3 miles). They were relatively well behaved and had a good time. Wicket slowed down a little bit because she absorbs all heat, but she was good after a water break. I know I shouldn't have been doing any exercise prior to my weigh in, but I made an executive decision and I'm sticking with it.

I'm not through as much of Infinite Jest as I would like (page 60), but I'm hoping to get a lot of reading done this week.

Here is a picture of myself in Hollywood ( I need to re size this):

Happy Birthday to Joe Fuemmeler and Ms. Russo.

*Weekend Food Consumption: Pizza Hut, popcorn, Milk Duds, 4 20oz Mountain Dews, 7-8 doughnuts, burger & fries from The Pitted Olive, QT breakfast sandwich, Starbucks Frappucino, 2 Liter Dr Pepper, Half a cheeseburger pizza from St. Louis Pizza & Wings, 10 toasted ravioli, 1 order of garlic cheese bread, 2 20oz Mr. Pibbs, 1 Pint Ice Cream, 2 hot dogs & bag of chips, 1 can Coke. That's all I can remember, but it was quite a whirlwind.

Friday, September 26, 2008


I spent Thursday night doing the following:

1. Eating 7 slices of pizza (I'm preparing for my weight loss contest so give me a break)
2. Beating Guitar Hero Aerosmith on Medium (not really even a challenge)
3. Reading
4. Watching The Office (which did not disappoint, although I wish I didn't relate to the show as much as I do ie. work weight loss contest)
5. Try to figure out why I like the Amelie soundtrack so much ( I could listen to it 700 billion times and it still gives me goosebumps every time)

Here comes my weekend of stuffing my face as a precursor to starving myself for 12 weeks. I think I'll start by skipping boot camp class right now.

Love, peace and hair grease

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

The Fattest Loser

So at work some people are having a weight loss contest that goes from 9/29 to 12/22. It is $20 to enter and the winner takes all. I think I will join and because:

a. I need motivation to get in better shape
2. I need money
III. I am very old and it will keep getting harder to lose weight
four. My current regimen of eating nachos and playing Guitar Hero Aerosmith is having less that spectacular results.
iiiii. It means I can try to fatten myself up all week before the first weigh in on 9/29

Can you believe it is hump day already?

I know I'm going to seem lame, and I meant to read this book a long time ago, and I look like a poser who does things only when people are in the news, but I started Infinite Jest today during lunch. So far I am glad I started. Based on what I have heard my friends say recently about it, how could I delay any further. It is a big god damned book though.

Monday, September 22, 2008

Hey what's going on with you? Not much how are you? Fine Thanks

Good Morning,

I'm doing great, how are you? I am having a little cake/bratwurst withdrawal from the last 2 days, but I'm thinking it will pass. I had a great weekend that consisted of me cleaning the house/garage/basement. It felt great to get that done. Then we had a little bday shindig at my house on Saturday which went great except for my toilet refusing to work properly. Lot's of people came which was great. It also didn't rain which was great. The ping-pong lounge was in full effect for the first time and I pretty much dominated the place. It had been a long time since we had a bunch of people over and I felt like I only talked to each person for like 5 minutes, but I guess that goes with the territory. I also realized how much of a wuss I am when it comes to my dogs. I was constantly worried about them getting out the front door and running away during the party. They were fine though and even mostly well behaved. I should have taken more pictures, but I only took one. If anyone else took some please send them my way. Here was my birthday cake:

Tonight I'm off to see the Cardinals for the last time this year in a meaningless game. woo hoo. At least they're not as bad as the Rams. The end.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008


Ok so now I'm old. I don't feel that much worse than I did yesterday, but it is still early. Hopefully this will motivate me to do more things with my life than just sit around and watch it go by. I'm going to eat steak tonight and that is a good thing.

Things that have made me happy lately:

Cleaning out my garage and basement. Granted the reason I am doing this is because both my basement and garage are leaking, but it is an excuse to get organized and look through my stuff that I don't do anything with otherwise.

Trying to listen to music more. The last little while I found that I only listen to NPR or sports talk radio. I don't think that is good for my well being. Music is pretty much the best thing ever so I should enjoy it more don't you think?

A drunk dial from Joe F. and Beth L. on Saturday night.

Birthday Pizza party at Julie's with great pizza, people and playing with Lasers.

Seeing a little more of Casey lately.

A potential good time at my house on Saturday.


Wednesday, September 10, 2008


I am alive in case anyone was wondering. I just don't have much to say. I'm trying all the anti aging products I can to stop from turning 30 next week. Let's hope it works out. Maybe I should try jumping in that new giant particle accelerator. I think they would have to run it in reverse to stop the aging process. Can it be used as a particle decelerator? Jeannie you are taking physics, please check into that and let me know.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Birthday List

I am going to post about my fabulous trip to California soon, but I have to wait until I have my pictures on my computater. They are taking a long time to upload because there are a lot of pictures of me and each one of my biceps is like 10 MB. In the meantime here is my list of birthday presents you should buy me (in no particular order):

1. Basketball Hoop
2. Cast Iron Skillet
4. Money
5. Time Machine
6. A cure for my Olympic fever

Happy Birthday to Big Daddy K-Torr and Congrats to Joe who lost 32 pounds recently even while his pregnant wife eats brownies in front of him.

Friday, August 8, 2008

Why do I always smell so bad after eating at subway?

Why do I always smell so bad after eating at subway?

I was in there for like 20 minutes, but I smell like I just worked a 14 hour shift as a sandwich artist. What gives?

Thursday, August 7, 2008

Now You're Playing With Power?

I want to say I've posted this picture before, but I don't see it so maybe i'm going nuts. I actually thought a few months ago that it would be cool to get a tattoo of the nintendo power glove. I googled it and immediately made up my mind not to based on this. Not that it is not great, but not my style you know.

Maybe this one would be more appropriate.

So I feel like I have not posted on here in forever, but I think it has just been about a week.

Some highlights perhaps?

It was another blast from the past weekend. I got to see K-Torr and Anne on Thursday for some drinks at the Royale. Ashley and Casey were there too. I think it was Ashley's 3rd consecutive night there. His dedication to hanging out at bars is inspirational.

Then it was off to Iowa City on Friday. The drive went by smoothly and I was able to pick up NPR almost the whole ride. I didn't stop once and it took right at 4 hours. I got to see the doctor, Ingrid, the kiddies, the turtles, Fiona, the Rat and Mia who I haven't seen since who knows when in Kirksville. It was pretty relaxing. We took walks, drank beer (New Belgium Sunshine Wheat was delicious), ate food, watched Old School and Drillbit Taylor, played Dr. Mario, played Rock Band. Is there anything else you would rather do? I really like Iowa City. I miss the small college town feel a lot. You can walk/bike anywhere and it is very laid back. The drive home was good as well and I met up with Ashley, The Shadow, Casey, Ashleigh and Jenny for some Onesto. Even thought we pretty much never get good service there I still am a big fan. There were these old drunk people (probably in their 60s) making strange noises and talking about sex loudly.

I thought that it was a very successful weekend. Then as I was driving to work on Monday the dreaded "Check Engine" light was on. Did I ever mention that I hate cars? I do. If I were to make a list of the worst all time inventions, the automobile would be number 1. So it was in the shop for 2 days and cost me too much money again. I did get to work from home for two days which was kind of nice, but kind of boring since there was no one to talk to.

Speaking of boring this post is a rambler.

Ok. I saw Pineapple Express last night and it is very good and funny. I am going to California tomorrow to see Gregor. I am excited. I haven't been out of this time zone in about a year. Hopefully I don't end up on TMZ for hanging out with celebrities and showing off my panties in the OC. If anyone has any suggestions for things to do in the Orange County/Los Angeles area please let me know.

Have a great day.

Thursday, July 31, 2008

Hi. I am going to put some videos up on this here blog. It is not very creative, especially because I saw 2 of the videos on another blog, but give me a break.

This video makes me so happy I can't hardly speak. If you don't have much patience you should watch a little at the beginning and skip to about 2:30 to watch that part. It combines my love of robots, music and my employment history at Chuck E. Cheese's. For the record I think I prefer the Showbiz characters to the Chuck E characters I had to dress up as.

Here is this trailer for a documentary about the guy who made the previous video happen. Did it say that this guy was 30? He looks like he is 45. I must really have a baby face since I'm almost 30, but don't tell anyone.

I'm going to follow this up with some video from the Teddy Bear Orchestra. They are one of the best animatronic bands I've seen live. They were created by the genius behind Captured! By Robots. Enjoy. If you like this you should also search for their song about Steven Colbert.

Ok. I'm going to Iowa City tomorrow. Who's going with me?

Thursday, July 24, 2008

This is Bull Shite

The only good thing, I can think of, about having children is the ability to name them whatever you want.

This judge in New Zealand really has things all wrong. I'm not saying that Talula Does The Hula is a great first name, but neither is Bob. One of my favorite rejects from the article is Sex Fruit.

I might attempt another vacation in August. I have to take at least 5 days off in a year and I haven't taken any off yet (can anyone say model employee?). I'm thinking of a Southern California/Denver whirlwind tour. I'll be contacting you peoples soon. Oh and I am also going to try to get up to Iowa City next weekend. That should be fun. I love coffee.

Monday, July 21, 2008


This has probably been said way too many times, but I'll say it again anyway:

Jesus, God, Allah, Zeus, Koko B-Ware (sp?)(see above) and all other deities do not care who wins awards on televised award shows.

I was pumping iron today and the ESPY awards were on TV. This guy who made a great catch in the superbowl talked about how he never could have done this without JC pulling for him. The award was the ESPY for best Play of the year. Athletes are smart.

I saw Batman again on Sunday and it was still good. I ate a delicious bacon cheeseburger and fries on Friday night at The Pitted Olive. It was like $11 for the burger but damn if it wasn't one of the best burgers and garlic fries I've had. I would like to thank Jebus for allowing me to eat a delicious cheeseburger and not dying from obesity (yet).

Friday, July 18, 2008

The Dark Blueberry Pie Knight

I feel like Thursday and Friday this week have been like 3 days even though I'm only part way through the real Friday. The first two days of Thursday/Friday have been great. I went to work Thursday and ended my work day with a nice boot camp class. I did 61 sit ups in 1 minute thank you very much. My first boot camp class I did 30 sit ups in 1 minute. That was in April. Now I have abs of steel (covered in marshmallow fluff). The rest of that day ended with a Cardinals win and some delicious home made blueberry pie courtesy of Gen Barrett.

Then we decided to see The Dark Knight at the 3am show at the Moolah. This was an interesting decision on my part considering I had to be at work at 9 today, but Casey had to be at work at 7 so who am I to complain. I would like to give a special shout out to Sean who couldn't make it because he had to work at noon. noon? really. I tried to get a few hours of sleep from 11pm to 1:45am or so, but the doggies kept jumping on me so I didn't get much actual sleep.

Here starts Thursday:30 or First Friday I'm not sure. Casey and I picked up Ashley and Gen Barrett to go see the movie. We got some energy boosters on the way. The movie was great. In my sleep deprived state I can't really describe it, but it was fast paced, dark, cool, scary and the joker was really really amazing.

Now I'm at work. I am still feeling fine after not really sleeping, but I'm pretty sure this post looks like a sleep deprived schizophrenic wrote it. I'll leave it up anyway. Will it really change your opinion of me? I don't think so.

Thursday, July 17, 2008

Golden Days

I used to love this song:

So yesterday was a nice blast from the past. I hung out with Anne and Karista and talked on the phone with Dave and Ruthann. It was bananas. It is hot out and I'm trying hard to not let it piss me off.

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Fried Pickles


I think I'm regressing back to having an all food related post, but what else is a fat guy supposed to write about? shopping for tight jeans?

So the Anniversary dinner at the Lemp Mansion was good. I wish we could have explored the house a little more, but I think you have to stay the night to get full access. Delicious.

Friday night it took me, Ashley, Ben and the Shadow about an hour to decide where to eat dinner. We tried the strategy of having everyone rate the proposed restaurant on a scale of 1-5. This does not work well especially since only 3 of us participated in the voting. We decided on the Everest Cafe which, of course, was really crowded. We went across the street to the Atomic Cowboy which I had never been to and no one had eaten there before. I must say that I pretty much loved the food. They had fried pickle spears, fried plantains, lots of hot sauce and many foods to choose from. I got a cheeseburger burrito and it was pretty rockin.

Saturday I went to Phil's BBQ in Affton with my parents. We decided to try to support the locals although we knew we would have preferred Bandanas. We should have gone to Bandanas. It wasn't bad but it just wasn't exciting. I would elaborate but who would care.

I'm trying to remember anything else that has happened recently but can't come up with much. I saw Wall-E and Wanted at Ronnies. Wall-E was pretty great and Wanted was entertaining but I definitely would have made some changes in it.

Do you want to see a drawing that my PhD brother made? I think it is pretty masterful. I think I need to take some time off work.

Thursday, July 10, 2008

Big News

I have some exciting and unexpected news that I discovered yesterday.......

We got a brand new dumpster in the alley.

It is actually really good timing because today is Casey and I's 4th wedding anniversary. There is nothing better to spice up a marriage than a little time in a fresh dumpster.

In other news I am pissed because we have jeans day today and here I am wearing regular pants like a fool. I should not delete emails so willy nilly in the future.

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Meister Brau


How are you?

I'm pretty good. I'm kind of a celebrity. Not really but I'll take what I can get.

Well I went to a birthday party for Meister last night. It was to be on some platform on the Mississippi river in North City. I'll admit I was a little suspicious but thought it would be a fun adventure. It was pretty fun. Bands played (Civic Progress great as usual and Bad Blood from Brooklyn was pretty entertaining), giant spiders were seen, hippies almost fell to their death, the birthday boy almost died, a questionable noise band took about an hour setting up and proceeded to play for about 4 minutes and probably other things happened. I was mad that I didn't bring my camera, but someone took a bunch of pictures and put them on the river front times website (thus my celebrity status). Here is a link:

Here are some of my faves for the lazies:

I had a good week this past week. I met up with some old friends for some delicious gyros. By old friends I mean elderly. They were all over 30. They are still fun to hang around although they smell old and constantly ate hard candy.
I played tennis for the first time in about a year. It was a lot of fun and it was good to see Joe. He will be having a baby in the near future so I will probably never see him again. I have to get in the bonding time now.
Casey had her 1st roller derby bout. It was going pretty well until she broke her arm. Unfortunately that is not a joke. She is doing ok, but she will have to be in a sling for at least 2 weeks. At least her team won and a good time was had by most.
Oh yeah I forgot to mention that the place where the party was last night is right next to what is called Cementland. This is an old concrete factory that the guy who owns the City Museum bought a few years ago. He hopes to make it into a crazy sculpture park. Check it out:
I need to go eat a burrito.

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Cof Fee

I think that I have discovered that I need more caffeine in my life. On Saturday I didn't have any and I just sat around all day. Sunday I drank an energy drink and I got a lot accomplished. I did the same yesterday and I was able to feel good and energetic enough to stay at Lemmons for a while and play some Rock Band after that. Today I decided to drink my first cup of coffee ever. I mixed it with some creamer, but it wasn't as bad as I expected. I don't know if I could ever drink it black, but not bad so far. The bad thing is that the creamer I used is like 30 calories per serving. That seems like kind of a lot.

I guess I'll stop talking about calories now because Casey says I'm boring and always talk about the same stuff. Booooo Casey. Ok I'll take that back because Casey is sick and I should be nice even though she is mean and punches me in the hands.

This post = Worthless

Saturday, June 28, 2008

Calories Per Dollar Research

I went to the store to get some milk this morning and decided to do some research. I had Dan who thought Crisco might be the winner and Greg who went with Corn Syrup. While both were great guesses they were not the winners. There might be differences from store to store because there were some sales going on. I think that the corn syrup didn't pan out because you only need to use a small amount of it to sweeten things. So it is very cheap but not as high as the others. Here are the results:

7. Corn Syrup 1045.22 Calories per dollar
6. Chocolate Chips 1472.00 Calories per dollar
5. Ramen Noodles 2000.00 Calories per dollar
4. Pancake Syrup 2135.59 Calories per dollar
3. Crisco 2917.05 Calories per dollar
2. Vegetable Oil 3237.09 Calories per dollar
1. Sugar 4068.86 Calories per dollar

So I didn't check everything, but I think this is a good study for our purposes. I will send anyone 7 dollars who will make me a delicious meal out of these 7 items.

I'm sweaty because I just got back from a good old fashioned dog walk. Casey is back to working some weekends now that her store is opened so I'll have to amuse myself today. No ideas coming to mind.


Wednesday, June 25, 2008


Tell me this isn't cool:

I told all of you that I wanted to see some prefabricated rotating buildings as soon as possible. It looks like only people in Dubai listen to me.

Ashley subscribes to the diet of most calories per dollar. I have been trying to find the perfect food for this diet. I'm still researching, but I'm hoping to find something amazing. Feel free to leave a comment with your entries.

I love you.

Monday, June 23, 2008


I decided yesterday that I am going to make a conscious effort to be a positive and social person. Being negative and angry doesn't really help anything. Plus I don't really have anything to really be unhappy about if you think about it. So, happy sunbeams to everyone. I love you and your mothers and especially your sisters.

I need to play basketball more. I used to play, or at least shoot baskets, like everyday. Now I can't even remember the last time I played. It is where I go to think you know. I am trying to think of an Internet business/website to start. There are a lot of dumb people who are making easy Internet money, and I want to be one of those dumb people. I think that I just need to make some site that people would go to everyday and I would just make money from advertisers. It sounds easy, but I can't think of what the topic of the site should be. I'll take any suggestions. I could have people throw a different item at my crotch everyday and take a picture.

Is seems that all the news I ever have is about Casey. She is always trying to upstage me. Last week she got officially drafted to a roller derby team. She is on the M80's. She is very excited. She has her first official bout on July 5th. Be there or be square. Actually since I'll be there it is more like be there and be square.

I'm trying to grow a beard again. It's going better than ever, but starting to get itchy so we'll see how long it lasts.

So the whole reason I started this site was to find out about Mike Bush's hot dog zone. So far I have not gotten any further with my search. I still probably should just email Mike Bush at channel 5. The cool thing is that now when you Google: mike bush hot dog zone this page is the number one entry. It feels good to be #1.

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Is it June

Well I have been neglectful to my blog yet again. For that I am sorry.

Hmmm, what has happened in the last 2 weeks?

Negatives: Peanut ate approximately 1 million june bugs. Then she threw up on the couch. The barf was approximately 95% june bug pieces. Then I guess the rest that stayed inside her made her stomach upset (who would have guessed that?). So she started pooping in the house and throwing up for like 4 days. Then we took her to the vet and they fixed her up with a shot and some antibiotics. It cost 100 bucks but it did the trick so it was well worth it. (positive within a negative: the vet at the webster animal hospital was totally cute. I suggest you go punch a dog and bring it to the webster animal hospital if you're single.)

My mom got Wii Fit. It is a lot more fun than I expected, but I was sad to see that my Wii Fit age was something like 42. I think it is because I have bad balance.

Our satellite TV stopped working. This is sort of negative and sort of positive. I love to watch TV but I have to be very careful that it doesn't take over me. I got a lot of work done around the house while it was out. I also watched about 3 seasons of Family Guy. It's coming back today so I have to be prepared.

It is getting hot. This is the time of year when I can't even move slightly or I will start sweating and not stop for the rest of the day. This is even when I am in air conditioning.

Thanks to our ever accumulating credit card debt I am putting us on a budget. It won't be fun but it is necessary.

Positives: Greg came to visit and that was good although he had a lot of math stuff to do at his conference.

I went to see Casey in the Rookie Rumble where the pink vixens were triumphant. She did very well in her first bout.

I have seen some good music in the last few weeks. I saw Cardiac Arrest and The Humanoids at the Halo Bar and that was a lot of fun. Then I saw Mates of State at the Bluebird and they were great as usual. (negative within a positive: It was 45 thousand degrees inside for that show).

I know it looks like the negatives outweigh the positives, but that is really not the case. Everything is peachy. I just thank Zeus and Poseidon every day that I don't have the luck that Hot Rod and Jessica have. In the last 2 weeks his car was broken into and they stole the radio, but worse than that they broke the shifter off so there is like 3 centimeters of shifter to try and grab to put into gear. Jessica's car has also broke down 2 or 3 times since then. To add the icing to the cake, they moved into a new house and right after they moved all their stuff in the ceiling in the living room collapsed and flooded the place. The a/c doesn't work either. Luckily things have been turning for the better the last day or so, but I still think they should get a voodoo priestess to change their luck.

I hope this makes you as happy as it makes me:

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

I am sooooo Popular

I was looking through my phone while sitting on the can at work today and discovered that I am not popular. I had a total of 20 missed calls and 20 incoming calls since April 14th. That means that I get .9 calls per day. Pretty impressive, no? What should I do now? Should I start dressing better?

I was reading a review of the Sasquatch music festival out in Oregon today. It looked beautiful, but would probably be a huge pain in the ass to be at because it is a weekend long music festival. The best thing I got from it was a quote from Brian Posehn (Mr. Show, Sarah Silverman show, etc..). Here it is:

"If your buddy blows you, it's not gay if you shout out 'Slayer!'"

Please stop raining.

Friday, May 23, 2008

Do you want to buy any Coupons?

Jessica just alerted me to the fact that there are tons of people who sell coupons on ebay. This is blowing my mind. There are coupons for home depot, cookies, ice cream, baby formula, etc........
I guess some of these make sense, like if you had 10% off at home depot and you were buying a refrigerator you could save some good money, but who would buy a $1 off coupon for cookies and pay .46? It is insane and I am shivering and confused.

Also: Wicker furniture is uncomfortable which is why I don't shop at Pier 1.

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Real life Rapture from Bioshock

I can't believe it has been a week since my last post. Time flies especially when you go to a different state for once (thank you very much).

I just saw this article that these Libertarians are planning to build their own ocean community so they can live by their own rules and not have to pay taxes and such. The first thing I thought of was Rapture, the fictional city in the game BioShock that I have been playing. They even mention BioShock in the article. Those nutty Libertarians:

I have been living the swinging bachelor lifestyle for a few days now since Casey is in Chicago for training. It has been so great to have such freedom, because Casey is always telling me what to do. Oh wait she never tells me what to do and gives me all the freedom in the world. Dang, I guess I've just been living a normal life this week. It's just been more boring because at least Casey talks to me sometimes which is more that I can say for my dogs who just look at me funny. What have I done with all my freedom. Let's see. I've watched a lot of baseball. I went to Lemmon's on Monday. I slept a lot. I did some laundry. I have found 2 birds in my yard. 1 dead and one alive. The one that was alive wasn't very alive after I had to pry it out of Peanut's mouth. I played synthesizer and scared Wicket. I tried to clean my gutters, but gave up because they were filled with like an inch of nasty shit. I think it used to be leaves and other things that float in the air, but now it smells worse than anything I can think of. I also tried to reinforce my temporary fence that we put up to try to grow grass. I was feeling pretty good about it until Peanut got through it again this morning. She is pretty amazing in her ingenuity. Although when I yell at her she can't seem to get back to the side of the yard she is supposed to be on. Maybe I've reinforced it the opposite way I should have.

Omaha wedding trip was a good time. There seemed to be a lot of unnecessary drama that I was not involved in, but was usually around due to the fact that we had no car to escape from such situations. Thanks to Jessica for letting us stay at your place and being our shuttle bus. It was also good to see a bunch of people I haven't seen in a while. Those Nebraskans sure can drink all the time. We also got to see Aaron (the Blondie) which was great. He seems to be doing well. I'm glad he is king of the skinny indie kids in Omaha. Aaron recently rescued some tiny abandoned kittens. They are super cute and have great names: Captain Video and Mrs. Movies. Their litter box is one half of a Clue the board game box. Priceless.

Happy Birthday Casey on last Saturday. I feel bad because the wedding we went to was on her birthday so she sorta didn't have much of a birthday. If you look at it another way she did attend a giant party on her birthday. There just happened to be a wedding reception there.

Look at this:

I'll leave you with something impressive. When I left for Omaha on Thursday I weighed 197. When I next weighed myself on Tuesday I weighed 202.5. Today I weight 197. I am a human roller coaster. Who wants a ride on the chunky fatcoaster of doom? I thought you did.

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Omaha Bound

Hi. I'm going to Omaha soon. Who's excited? I actually am. It will be nice to get away for a weekend and see some good peoples I haven't seen in a while.

Updates on the last 2 weeks. Ummmm. Can't remember. I beat BioShock and that was cool. I got to see Radiohead for free and that was cool. Everything I do makes me feel old. boooo.

I'm trying to figure out a trip to the east coast. I have a free plane ticket that I have to use by 7/11. Casey can't go with me because her new store is opening up and she can't leave for that long. I don't know if it could work but here are the cities I would like to visit (Baltimore, New York, Philadelphia and Montreal). I think I could hit most of these in a week long trip, but that depends. Who's in? There is also always Colorado as well.

Bye STL, hello NEB.

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Can the Boy Tell Time?

I wrote this on 5/13/2008, but it evidently never posted. It was saved as a draft. This will probably change your life.

I went to Milo's on the Hill to celebrate Joe's 30th birthday. He is old. It was a nice relaxing time. We mostly watched MXC on TV and made fun of all of the contestants. Then strange things started happening. I saw this guy Ryan that used to live in an apartment below mine in Kirksville. Then I saw this girl Libby Ann that used to go to Truman and date Dr. Widitz. She was the girl who never wore shoes. Literally. Well almost literally. She was wearing flip flops this night so she must have made some serious life changes. In school she was always barefoot (the only exception was she wore running shoes to run in the morning). That would suck in my opinion. I had mostly decided that I wouldn't talk to them because I always assume that people won't remember me. As Ryan was leaving though I said Hi and then saw 2 more people that went to Truman. This guy John and this girl Courtney that is either married or dating Ryan. Let's see. My history with John isn't much. He lived in the same dorm as me and when I was a computer science major wasting time in the computer lab in the middle of the night he was often there. He had a theory that if two objects are moving fast enough towards eachother they will stick upon impact. I'm sure this theory was true, but I was also sure that he wouldn't prove it by slamming a chair into the wall. He also once ate candy bars until he threw up.

I was watching The Royal Tennenbaums at Lemmons last night and realized that the line "Can the boy tell time?" was from there. That was the blog of mr. eric e. I'm quick. Anyway. I love that movie.

So I was so excited about seeing the Breeders last Saturday, but no one wanted to go with me so I slept all night instead. I also beat BioShock and saved all of the Little Sisters. I am a great human being.

There is a lot of other stuff I was going to write about, but what's the point.

Monday, May 5, 2008

Just the Kiss of the Hops!!

Things are kind of slow at work. Well today slow is probably an understatement, but I'll get over it. I'm pretty tired today cause I stayed up late this weekend. I'm a party animal. Watch out Spudz Mckenzie. In fact I am currently skateboarding with a lampshade on my head wearing neon jams and a body glove tank top.

I know everyone will be disappointed to hear that the Atlanta Hawks have been eliminated from the NBA playoffs. Therefore I pretty much don't care anymore. I have the Cardinals to enjoy for now.

I have a new policy on beer in bars. I will get a quality beer for the first 1 or 2 beers and will buy whatever is the very cheapest from then on. After a few you don't really care what you're drinking anyway so why not save some money. I had a $1.50 Pabst and a $1.50 can of Schlitz this Saturday with my new policy. Much cheaper that the Hefeweizens I had on Friday night.

So the weekend was good. It was the Ashley birthday extravaganza weekend. We had some Everest cafe for dinner Friday. It was very tasty and I haven't been to that part of town much lately and it is looking damn good. Maybe someday when I decide I like people I will go there again. Then we met up at Mangia for some late nite drinks. Saturday we tried out a new pizza place by my house called Odesto. I thought it was damn good. Ashley got to get anchovies as a topping which made his day. I did not have anchovies and that made my day. If I ever get the urge to eat anchovies I usually just clean out the shower drain and get some hair and add a bunch of salt. It really does the trick. Then we watched baseball which was a disappointment, but the only one of the weekend for the mighty Cardinals. Then we went to CBGBs and Mangia for drinks Saturday night. Most of the time I would be ready for bed at 2:00 am, but this night I decided to play Bioshock until 4:30 am. It was well worth it, but I am feeling the lack of sleep now. Sunday I did yard work and wore a tank top (sorry not pictured).

At the bars on Friday and Saturday we saw this guy that looked exactly like a Mii character that Casey made on our Wii. The character was named Creepazoid and this fit the guy well. He always had a really disturbed unhappy look on his face and he walked around the bars not talking to anyone. We were kind of making fun of him, but he almost proved us wrong. These drunk girls were screaming and falling all over each other and he made a terrible face at them. This must have started a great conversation, because it appeared that he got their digits. We thought he was ready to score, but then they stopped talking to him and left with some other dudes. So close creepazoid. You almost had a hot threesome with 2 nasty drunk girls.

I'm bored of typing.

My friend Jen has dedicated a blog to critiquing the fashion sense of Ice-T and his lovely wife Coco. It is in my links under: Fashion!!!! It's pretty funny.

Should I go to Lemmons tonight or go to sleep? That is the question. Adios.

Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Don't talk to people, you will regret it

I put my lunch in the microwave today and as I was doing so I noticed that this lady was putting some popcorn in the other microwave. We are having "Cardinals" day or something at work so they actually had free popcorn downstairs. I told her before she started up her popcorn about the free popcorn. She told me that she didn't like that popcorn. So I jokingly called her a popcorn snob. She then proceeded to tell me all of the kinds of microwave popcorn that she liked over the years. Her favorites were Orville Redenbacher's Cheese and Caramel where you squeezed the caramel on top of the popcorn. Then she told me about her experiences at a baseball game last year. I usually regret talking to people I don't know. This case was no different. At least I didn't have to clean her poop out of a urinal:

Not a Surprise

You know what is Fucked up but not surprising in any way?

There are giant factories in China mass producing "Free Tibet" Flags.

So if you really are behind a cause, you probably should just use your mouth and words instead of buying stuff to show what a great person you are. You might just end up supporting the thing you are against in the first place.

Oh well, you can't win.

I just booked our flights to Omaha for a wedding in May. Hooray for leaving the state of Missouri. It looks like my trip to Colorado won't happen in May like I wanted, but I'll get over it. I do have a free round trip ticket that I have to use before July so entice me to come to your city, as long as it is within the continental United States. The biggest cause of the cancelled trip is that Casey got another promotion at work. I swear that she is going to own that place one day. I hope that she will make more money than me one of these days so I can retire at 30 just like I always wanted.

I am a basketball lover even though all of my friends hate it. The NBA playoffs are pretty disappointing this year though. It is pretty sad when the most exciting game is one involving the Atlanta Hawks.

Try hugs and drugs.

Monday, April 28, 2008


So Casey and I went to the Coachella Music Festival in California in 2004. It was pretty great and we camped in Joshua Tree State Park and wandered around a lot. Coachella might have been on its way to not cool then, but now it is official because Paris Hilton was there this year. Its a shame that now it will be like everything else.

There is this song I heard on a commercial last week and I sing the beginning part in my head any time there is any quiet time. Let's do an experiment to see if it happens to you. It is like a poem set to music. I haven't actually listened to the whole song, so hopefully it doesn't turn into some underage sex Nazi propaganda video, but I'm too lazy to screen it for you. I am not endorsing its message I am just passing it along.

Congrats to Jamie who had her Canadian Weed Smoking baby on 420. His name is Oscar which is a name I can get behind.

We went to Grant's Farm on Saturday which was pretty fun. Casey got the Donkey to make a lot of noise at her. We didn't get to eat any kettle corn which pisses me off, but I'm semi over it.

I am at my lowest weight since 2002: 199 lbs

I got nothing else. I played BioShock for approximately 12 hours this weekend.

Friday, April 18, 2008


I am in a bad mood, but I'm not sure why. I just feel like being sour today.

So thanks for voting in the Roller Derby poll, but Casey is ungrateful and she refuses any of the names. Interesting side note: I was able to make a Mr. Belvedere joke yesterday because Bob Uecker is the play by play guy for the Brewers. I was at the baseball game. I think that means it is fate that Casey should be Mrs. Belvedere. Oh well.

We had an earthquake this morning. It was the first one I have ever felt. I was like I imagined it would be.

I went to bootcamp class here at work on Tuesday. I got through it, but it kicked my ass in a major way. It has hurt to walk ever since. I think I am a glutton for punishment because I have to go to another class 2nite.

I find new ways to lose faith in humanity every day.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

No Respect

Since no one seems to care that I poured my heart out with a huge Crime & Punishment like post a couple days ago, I added some spicy new elements to the blog. I put a picture of me eating Ice Cream which is usually a fan favorite and I put a couple of links up.

Today started off really good because in the car on the way to work I heard both Warren G's Regulate and Rump Shaker by Wrex n Effect. Then I got out and remembered that it was cold and rainy. I wanted to sit in my car all day and listen to 100.3 the Beat.

I am playing a lot of Bioshock on the XBOX 360. It is awesome. I would explain it, but you probably don't care.

It is getting down to crunch time for picking a roller derby name for Casey. I need some help. Here are some more I came up with yesterday:

Candy Stryper (like the Christian Metal Band)
Seizure Salad
Danzig with the Stars
Deaddy Ruxpin
Barb Rammstein
Quinoa Wa Pedal
Al Gorithm
Guiller Monalisa
Mrs Belvedere
Eye Robot
Peony Express
Hillary Shanks
Cymbal of my Affection

These are pretty much all terrible, but a lot of the ones I think of are already taken.
Maybe I'll try to make a poll.

Tuesday, April 8, 2008


So the NCAA bracket that I filled out for myself was actually looking pretty good until that damn Kansas ruined it. Oh well at least I didn't lose any money. All I have to do is work the glory hole in the men's bathroom at the Arnold Ponderosa for an hour shift. I do get to keep all my tips though.

I have actually been keeping myself relatively busy lately. Some of that time has been filled with cleaning the house, doing dishes and picking up dog shit, but so it goes.

On the video gaming front I have added a new member to the family: The XBOX 360. I bought a used one from big Joe Nahm. I debated it for a long time because I certainly have better things to spend my money on, but I love video games and although the Wii is great it does not offer a lot of the games that I want to play. I already played some Bioshock last night and it is pretty awesome. I am totally stuck on Rock you like a hurricane on Hard on Guitar Hero III. I have a new idea to beat it though and then I get to battle Slash.

So I didn't run in the half marathon. I do have a t-shirt so if I wasn't so honest I could tell everyone I ran, but I am not a liar. I can bench press 1000 pounds. It was pretty disappointing to get so close to being able to do it and have to quit, but it's ok. Assuming my knee is just overused I might try again. I signed up for Boot Camp classes here at work. This trainer from the YMCA will yell at us and make us run up stairs and stuff. Hopefully that will help get/keep me in shape.

I ate pizza and drank beer last night so this morning I felt a little churning down below. Since I was about to leave for work I went to the bathroom in the basement. There is not always toilet paper in there so I was happy that I saw some on the counter. Everything went fine. The reason I talk about this is I think it would be really funny to come out with a line of life like ceramic household necessities. It would anger and amuse people at the same time. Picture this: Jeff has to really use the facilities. He runs into the bathroom and sees a roll of toilet paper on the counter so is assured he will have a comfortable time. When it is time to wipe he grabs the roll and it is ceramic. This could also work for other important items like remote controls, shots of insulin, heart medication, tampons. The list is endless. This is not nearly as funny as I thought it was this morning, but I won't delete it so you can make fun of me later.

On Friday we went to see a free show starring Bald Eagle from Columbia. I saw this band before in Madison, WI when they played with my friend Shelby's band. I loved them then and I love them now. It is nothing groundbreaking, but it has good energy and a lot of dueling guitars/fretboard Olympics (as the Shadow calls it). We bought their 2nd CD and I listened to it like 6 times over the weekend.

On Saturday we went to this strange birthday partay for my friends Megan and Kelly. They are members of the now defunct bowling team "Jeff and the Funky Bunch." Kelly's boyfriend hosted the partay and his apartment was pretty cool. It is in a rehabbed synagogue. I am a lover of cool architecture so I liked just going in and looking at the space. Kelly's boyfriend was cool and the people I already knew there were good, but we had the best time making fun of this one guy after he left. He passed out books that he had published himself to some of the people at the partay. Keep in mind that this was, I believe, a white male in his early twenties who grew up in Suburban St. Louis. The book was told as a 16 year old girl from Fulton, Missouri going before a judge trying to get an abortion. I won't go into too many details, but it was pretty priceless. I'm sure he knows what it's like to be in her shoes though. I heard his mom considered a post birth abortion with him just last week. Happy Birthday Megan and Kelly.

Did you see this story about the guy who had a heart transplant from a guy who had committed suicide? He just committed suicide himself and he was married to the first guy's widow. She must be awesome to hang out with.

Isn't it so crazy that a person with lady parts down below became pregnant. Oh wait I mean Holy shit there is a pregnant man I can't believe it. I forgot that I am supposed to only react to headlines and not look at actual facts.

I am excited because the Mrs and I might be going to Colorado for Memorial Day weekend. This would break my Missouri only streak, but I think I can handle it. Actually I am going to break my streak the weekend before that going to the Omaha wedding. I am going to be such a world traveller in May. It will be good to see Johnny, Christmas and Kevin and their new digs. Casey also hasn't been to Colorado since she was like 2 years old.

I have a rip in the front of my pants and I might have to work from home the rest of the day. I always seem to wear my pants right until they tear right off my body.

Monday, March 31, 2008

Mad, but not that Mad

So last week my knee started hurting from all of my running. It passed after a day so I thought I might still be ok for my half marathon in a week. Then I went for my 10 mile run yesterday and only made it 5 miles and then had to walk 2 miles to get home because the pain was too intense. That blows. I am still hoping for a miraculous turnaround, but I am not too optimistic. I think that I just weigh too much to run so much. I looked and I have run 123 miles in the past 9 1/2 weeks. That's pretty good. I have been in talks with movie studios to make a movie about my quest. The working title is 9 1/2 weeks. I want Mickey Rourke to play me and Kim Basinger to play the role of Casey.

I am still blown away by the fact that I have not left Missouri since September. I used to travel non stop and now I have been in one small area for so long. Looking at DOB's pictures from Alaska make me want to go there. It looked pretty amazing.

I'm not sure when I turned into such a wuss, maybe I have always been one, but I love looking at puppies. Don't tell anyone.

Really I just signed a million dollar sponsorship from Daily Puppy for emergencypudding. That is manly right?

Don't judge me.

Wednesday, March 26, 2008


I just had someone at my work call my phone and it only rang once. I have a display that tells you who called and it said: Anita Panda. There is someone at my work named Anita Panda. That is a great name and it's totally true. I think that everyone could use a Panda in some way. I don't think that I could take it home though because it would try to eat my bamboo floors. Zing!!

I was able to beat 4 Guitar Hero III songs on HARD last night. It was pretty hard.

I don't know if I have written this before, but the difference between Guitar Hero III levels and the size of fries at Penn Station have an eerie parallel. EASY on Guitar Hero III is pretty damn easy especially if you have played on the higher levels. MEDIUM is a little harder but still totally doable. HARD is pretty damn hard. I won't even comment on EXPERT because it will probably be years before I could complete a song on EXPERT. SMALL fries at Penn Station are basically in a Dixie cup and are not enough for a small child. MEDIUM fries at Penn Station are satisfying but still leave you wanting more. LARGE fries at Penn Station is a gigantic fucking bucket of fries that I have eaten, but was worried I might get some sort of potato disease.

In summary there needs to be an intermediate fry and level between MEDIUM and LARGE (HARD).

I have an ice cream social at work today. Who's jealous?

To Mrs. Herd: I'm sorry that I have no pictures of Casey in her Roller Derby getup, but I think that day will hopefully not be too far off. PS. You look awfully cute in your super preggo pictures.

I need a sammich.

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Dennis Haskins you Dirty Bastard

I would expect this type of activity from Jesse Spano, but never from you Mr. Belding.
I ran 9 miles yesterday and it actually wasn't that bad. I was dying a few weeks ago when I had to run 6 miles, but I think I've gotten into a groove. Less than 2 weeks till my half marathon.
Does it mean that I'm really lazy because I get down on myself for not having the drive to play video games often enough. Too lazy for a traditionally lazy activity? Very sad indeed.
Congrats to Casey for passing her Roller Derby skills test last night. She had the highest score of anyone taking the test last night. Woohoo. Now she is eligible to be drafted and start practicing with a team.
On the subject of Roller Derby, the Shadow and I went to the roller derby bout last Saturday. It was a pretty good match. You can tell that everyone is getting better the more they practice. Oh and a lot of them are hot and mean. The Shadow and I laughed a lot about some of the spectators because they looked like the rejects from The Rock of Love (Bret Michael's dating show). They are like 45 year old former Poison groupies that never changed hairstyles or clothing. Priceless.
I also went to a partay at my friend Julie's house after the match. It was good to see a bunch of people I have not seen in a while. Mostly Julie, Scott and Kevin W. We had some beers, looked at all of the upgrades that they made to their house, played Wii, played with Scott's lap top steel guitar and synthesizer that he built himself, and checked out all of the fish and birds at their house. I think that Kevin and Scott are people that I aspire to be like. They are super smart and know how to do everything electronically and computer related, yet they are super humble and don't even want to talk about all the stuff they can do. I can do push ups. Oh yeah and Julie is an architect so she's doing OK herself.
I watched a ton of movies this weekend. I would probably recommend all of them though some more than others. Here they are in order of ranking: The Lookout, Doomsday, Apocolypto and Idiocracy. I really liked the idea for Idiocracy, but the movie wasn't that great. Apocolypto was pretty good although I hate Mel Gibson.
Take it sleazy.

Thursday, March 13, 2008

Hot Fuzz

Hot Fuzz is such a great fucking movie!!!

I have seen it a few times already, but it just makes me so happy. I love it.

I have been falling asleep way too early every evening. I got some Starbucks tonight and it has helped. I need some hobbies. I think I will write the next great American novel and start recording some music.


PS. Don't spend 2 years sitting on the toilet or your skin will grow around the seat. I would suggest sitting on something better than a toilet seat if it is going to become part of you.

Friday, March 7, 2008

Wicket and Mario

I took the dogs for a walk when I got home from work yesterday. I was walking past Screamers on Gravois (which is a beautiful blue and yellow watering hole by the way) and a Rottweiler jumped over his fence and came right up to me and the doggies. Luckily it was a relatively nice dog in that it didn't bite any of us. Wicket kind of stood up to him and actually attempted to hump him to assert her dominance. The owner came out and was just standing there watching her dog jump on my dogs. I told her to get her dog and she finally did. I didn't understand that lady.

Oh I am now the proud owner of a bar on Gravois called Mamacitas. The best part is that it didn't cost me a dime. Wicket peed on their land to mark her territory. Since I own Wicket that makes the land mine I think. I might have to check with my lawyers and hopefully no other dogs have peed on the property since we walked by yesterday. I also own a bunch of piles of leaves in the neighborhood.

I thought that I was close to finishing Mario Galaxy, but I just discovered that I am only half way done. That is depressing. I think I can beat the final boss now, but I only have 60 out of a possible 120 stars. Mama Mia.

I found these pictures of Wicket from before we adopted her. She was at a Stray Rescue event and she was so hot that she sat in a cooler full of ice all day. It is the cutest ever: