Monday, March 29, 2010

Online

Does this mean that he could be straight in real life (offline), but he only goes to gay chat rooms and looks at gay internet porn?

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

BET

I like BET's St. Patrick's day programming:

Leprechaun: Back 2 tha Hood


Can you believe that it stars Willow* and a member of ONYX? I wish that those 2 would have hit it off on this movie set and put out a hip hop album. I'm just going to assume that they did and not look it up. Looking up facts can only disappoint you.

Their first album would be called Bacdafucup: Leprechaun 2 the Hood
You don't want to know how long it took me to make that using Microsoft Paint.


* Is Warwick Davis the highest grossing dwarf in movies? I'll look into it. He is in so many good ones and successful ones (not including Leprechaun). Star Wars, Willow, Harry Potter, Chronicles of Narnia, etc.... I now think that St. Patrick's day should be replaced with Warwick Davis day.

9 years ago today I was in an Irish Pub in Italy.

Smarty McFly

Monday, March 15, 2010

Cool Water

I had a very animalcentric weekend. I was the only human around for most of the weekend, but I was in charge of my two dogs as well as bring your own jock jam's dog and cat.

I was like the dog whisperer, but better because there was a cat too. The dog whispered would freak out if another type of animal was introduced to his pack, but not me. Other animals could sense the grand animal power that I possessed as I walked between our two houses. Birds tried to perch on my shoulder and a parade of rats led me through the streets of south city. (OK that last part didn't happen, but I did also rescue two neighbor dogs who had gotten out of their yard).

A good time was had by all.


I also have a few observations from watching Animal Planet on Saturday.

1. Anytime I hear Sarah McLachlan I think of sick animals. It is a good thing that I could care less about her, because her voice is forever married to images of abused/neglected animals on an ASPCA commercial asking us to donate money. I don't know what I would do if they decided to use Journey or Bel Biv Devoe to get us to donate to suffering animals. I don't think I could ever listen to music again. I would just break down and cry every time I went out or turned the radio on.

I was going to put a link, but that was just way too depressing. How about this?

2. There are some news stories/quiz questions that are appropriate to get you to tune in after the commercial break to see the answer. This is not one of them:

How do you treat your dog for heat stroke?

a. Cool Water
b. Warm water
c. Ice water

Tune in after the break for the answer.


Now I know it is a stretch to think that your dog would come in from spending 10 hours in 120 degree heat right as this question came up on animal planet, but on the off chance that they do is it right to make them wait another 3 minutes to be treated?


Come on animal planet. Use your brains. You can use a teaser/quiz question like:

Which animal would win in a fight with a velociraptor?

a. Rhino
b. Elephant
c. Hamster

(the answer is none of the above)

The odds of you being approached by a velociraptor while on a leisurely walk through the park with your Rhino, Elephant and Hamster are much smaller than the odds of your dog getting heat stroke.


On another note I would like to shout out to Johnnie, XXXmas, Little Nicholas, Kevin and the Birdman for making my quick trip to Denver so enjoyable.

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Has Spring Sprang?

Yesterday was possibly the best day of the year in St. Louis (weather wise). I don't mean 2010 up until now, but most likely the whole year. Here are the reasons why:

1. It was unexpected and that made it extra special. It was not unlike cleaning out your freezer and finding a JELL-O pudding pop that you had forgotten about. In this scenario the act of cleaning out the freezer = the dead of winter, and the JELL-O pudding pop = nice weather. I also don't mean the JELL-O pudding pops you can go out and buy today, but the original larger more delicious treats of my childhood. So on further thought the freezer is like a time machine to better times. OK so update on the scenario:

The Freezer = window to carefree days of childhood
The act of cleaning out the freezer = the dead of winter
The JELL-O pudding pop = nice weather

Now that I think about it some more I'm not sure if it is the time traveling freezer or the original JELL-O pudding pop that truly represents the carefree days of childhood. I think that the JELL-O pudding pop has to represent both the current nice weather and the actual carefree days of a childhood summer.

The Freezer = window to carefree days of childhood
The act of cleaning out the freezer = the dead of winter
The JELL-O pudding pop = nice weather (currently)
The JELL-O pudding pop = the carefree days of childhood in the summer time

(neither of these kids are me, nor do I know them)

2. Sun is nice.



Although yesterday was very nice it also made me remember the things I don't like so much about spring.

1. It will probably rain a lot. The main reason I am against this is that my dogs have trashed the back yard and there are a few muddy spots. Therefore I will have to wipe their paws off every time they come inside. ( I know my life is rough).
2. The return of yard work.
3. Mosquitoes - The bane of my existence. If anyone knows how to make them all die then please let me know.



I need to be more positive.

Thursday, March 4, 2010

Holy Shit!!! Stop what you are doing and look at this

Please take a look at the Ad you see above. Does someone at Schnucks really think that whipped topping for .69 is going to get people into the store that otherwise would not go? Really? I could maybe understand if it was around a major holiday like Thanksgiving or Flag Day, but March 4th? St. Patrick's day is coming soon, but guess what....the whipped topping is not even green.*

* Actually I'm only complaining because I just stocked up on whipped topping last week. I feel like a fool because I bought 30 tubs of whipped topping and wasted $25.20 (estimated savings based on .84 savings per carton) of my hard earned money.


Keeping on the subject of food, here are some quick reviews of some new places I have tried out recently:

1. Friendly's Sports Bar (to watch the Gold Medal USA vs Canada Hockey game):

Pros: They had one of those games where you hit a punching bag to see how strong you are. This big dude with a backwards KC Royals hat spent about $20 trying to impress some girl that was wearing shorts and Ugg boots in February. They were also headbutting the machine for about another $20 worth of fun. She was later sitting with him with the KC Royals hat on her head. Damn I wish I had moves like that guy. He is GQ Smooth.

The beer and food specials during games are very good. The food was not exceptional, but I only ordered off the $1.50 menu.

They have a lot of TVs, although none of them were what I would call large.

USA USA - especially tying the game up with less than a minute remaining.

Cons: As a result of the cheap beer most people start to get annoying. Although it was the type of thing that if they were your friends it might be funny, but if you are not with them it was annoying.

They had one of those games where you hit a punching bag to see how strong you are. This big dude with a backwards KC Royals hat spent about $20 trying to impress some girl that was wearing shorts and Ugg boots in February. They were also headbutting the machine for about another $20 worth of fun. She was later sitting with him with the KC Royals hat on her head.

Canada

Final rating: Cheap and relatively fun to watch drunks, but better if your team wins.



2. Sammy Scott's

This is a new gourmet/panini/sandwich shop in creve coeur. I decided to try it out for lunch on Monday. It appeared to be everything I would like in a sandwich shop (Gourmet sides, hot sandwiches with interesting toppings and combinations), but it ended up a little bland. It was not bad by any means, but it did not knock my socks off. I think I'll try a different sandwich and give it another try. Oh I got the Cuban sandwich, Mac & cheese and Iced Tea.

Final rating: You should have been honored to be inside me so I wanted you to be better.


3. 5 Guys Burgers and Fries

Hungry Eyes from the Dirty Dancing Soundtrack was on the sound system while I was there.

Final Rating: 12 out of 10**

**The burgers were great, the Cajun fries were good and plentiful. Everything was a little on the pricey side. Without Hungry Eyes the rating would be maybe an 7.5 out of 10. Maybe the closest thing to In-N-Out burger in Saint Louis.

I shouldn't have thought about In-N-Out Burger. I want to fly to the west coast for lunch now.

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

What does all this really mean?

How can the month of March be made into a hilarious name like February was made into Feb-bro-ary? I don't think it can so I will give up. I have to do a little photoshop work and I will come up with a new usage of the word/culture of Bro. Just you wait.

Last weekend was interesting. I went to a casino to watch some live music, watched some movies and (including Monday) went to 4 bars for a total of about 14 hours. Wow that seems like a lot. Here are some observations/questions:

1. Why do people go to casinos?

-There are always so many damn people at casinos and I don't quite understand it. The parking always seems terrible, the food is never that good (but there is a lot of it) and recognizable bands that play there are washed up. What is the draw? Free second hand smoke? Free soda?

*While at the casino I thought of a great idea for roller derby. Have the next casino built have a roller derby arena inside. Think about it. There are already tons of people at casinos with money burning a hole in their pocket. You have the sport, the hotel, the after party all in the same building. Let's make it happen.


2. Why do I love sports, but hate the people at sports bars?

-This might just be that I am annoyed by people in general. Sports bars have people.

3. If you had to drink one of the following what would it be any why?

Option A: A glass of lukewarm Hot Tub water (origins unknown).
Option B: A glass of fresh delicious water......that has three used band aids in it (band aid origins unknown).
Option C: Cyanide Kool Aid.



Where do you think the following text came from?:

Pregnant Bitches: Offer 50% more during pregnancy.
Lactating Bitches: Offer at least 2 to 3 times the normal amount of food.

Hint: Adult Formula is also involved.


Answer: Wicket and Peanut's dog food.



Tonight I'm going to eat steak with my special lady friend. I'm excited.

Do you think this post was unstructured and random? You were right. Shut up.