Wednesday, December 21, 2011


I went on a roof in Lakeview. It pretty much ruled.

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Couch in the Bathroom

One of my favorite things lately has been listening to Beach House in the shower. That might sound very depressing, but for reals y'all. I like it. It is very relaxing. When I was getting out of the shower tonight I was thinking that the only thing better than this shower would be to have a couch to sit on in the bathroom. A bathroom couch preserves the calm feeling going on in the shower just a little longer. You could sit and listen to music, read a book, take a nap...the options are endless. Maybe it is like a sauna, but a little more comfortable. Unfortunately my bathroom couch dream is not happening any time soon because the bathroom in this apartment is way small.

In a lot of ways I feel like I'm back in college in this Chicago apartment. It is smaller than my house in St. Louis, there is no dishwasher, we don't have cable TV, I walk everywhere and I vomit from being drunk every night. Ok not every night, but I did have a drink or ten at a dinner partay on Sunday night. It was a good time. I don't miss the cable TV at all. I would prefer to have a dishwasher, but the good thing about no dishwasher is more opportunities to listen to music. I would like a couch in my kitchen too.

I have been working like a dog lately. Well a motivated dog would be more like it since my dogs sleep about 20 hours a day. Other than working I have been going on dog walks, trying to work out at the Cheetah Gym and watching Netflix. Just finished Bored to Death season 2. It just got cancelled which sucks, but was expected because things that appeal to me get cancelled.

Hey XXXmas is coming. See you there Jeebus.

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Breaking Nudes

Is it strange that I don't want to shit in my newly installed toilet? Is it also strange that I had 'Let's Twist Again' by Chubby Checker in my head all last night when I was mowing the lawn?

Oh and there is some breaking news: My beautiful wife just got a promotion and we have to move to Chicago. Say Whaaaaaaa? It is the truth. Well she will be moving up there very shortly (Andersonville), but I will be working on some home remodeling and finding of a new job in Chicago. Wowee.

If anyone wants to buy an awesome house in South City Saint Louis, or has an awesome job opening in Chicago please let me know.

More details later......

Also, Eric Elz has been killing it with his tumblr lately LOOK HERE. You should check it out. I especially love the Periodic Table jokes

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Chewy & The Beav --Pilot Episode

This is the best thing to happen to TV since ALF:

Pilot episode: Chewy & The Beav

Chewy is up early in the morning. She is making banana & chocolate chip pancakes, but she does not have a recipe or any directions. She burned the first few and she tried to eat the next batch, but it was mostly raw batter. Undeterred she whipped up a new batch and it was perfection. She can’t wait to share some with the Beav.

Chewy fills a plate with her delicious pancakes and skates back to the bedroom she shares with the Beav. (Cut to image of Chewy & The Beav’s bedroom. They each have a twin bed with their name displayed above it.) Beav is snoring. (Notice that Chewy & the Beav always have skates on).

Chewy: Beav I made some awesomesauce pancakes. You should get up and eat with me!!

Beav: Snore

Chewy: Beav it’s a beautiful day for pancakes.

Beav: (Starting to stir) I’ll kill you.

Chewy: Awww Beav.

Beav: Just kidding Chewy. Bring me those pancakes and go get me some milk. But if you wake me up again I’ll shank ya (said with a toothy grin).

Tuesday, May 31, 2011


I don't have too many jokes tonight (I do have a fun fact about Daniel Boone that I will reveal later), but I did have a kick ass weekend that I wanted to document so you would get jealous of my life.

Friday I got to leave work a little early which is a great way to start out the weekend. Casey was off on Friday night which is also a bonus since she never seems to be off. We then proceeded to eat some Zen Thai, drink beers and eat cookies with lots of my college buds. Thanks to Jamie and family for coming into town from Montreal and giving us an excuse to hang. Some topics of conversation: High School Sex Education, The Grateful Dead (and how we know a lot of their songs without knowing it) and books about hermaphrodites.

Saturday morning I made a huge mistake. Well maybe not, but I made a decision that would dictate how I would spend about 24 of the next 36 hours. There was nothing on tv so I decided to check out Sons of Anarchy on Netflix. It started innocently enough in that I only watched like 2 episodes in the morning. For my first TV break I went to have lunch at the Bleeding Deacon with Ashley & The Shadow. It was delicious as usual. I need to go there more often, but they are always so busy at dinner time. Lunch is a good time to go. The Shadow ordered a 10 pound plate of nachos. Then we went to the Amsterdam pub to watch some soccer. There was a big UEFA Champions League championship between Barcelona and Manchester United. It was super crowded, but a really good time. I even ran into Julien (Jamie's hubby in from Montreal) at the pub. It is the place to be in St. Louis to watch soccer. They almost ran out of beer. Casey got off of work and then instead of go to one of two different parties we decided to eat pizza read comic books (Casey) and watch Sons of Anarchy until 3 am.

Sunday was kind of a blur of lemonade, biker gangs and procrastination. Whole Foods had these delicious lemonades on sale last week. They are usually $3 on sale for $1, but wait....there was also an online coupon for .75 off each bottle. That makes these lemonades .25. I only bought 6, but I know a lot of people who bought cases of them. We are extreme couponers. So anyway I am pretty sure all we did on Sunday was watch Sons of Anarchy, drink lemonade and not mow the lawn. You might not be able to tell so far, but I am pretty into Sons of Anarchy. Now I am going to have to find a way to watch season 3.

Monday I got up early, probably around 6:30am. I think I got up this early because I felt bad about myself for only watching TV the last few days. I pulled/cut down weeds, picked up dog poop and mowed the lawn. It took 2.5 hours and it was hot and made me soooo sweaty and tired. The good news was that i was done with all of the yard work by 10:30. After relaxing for a few hours we headed off to Defiance, MO for a lake party/BBQ with some roller derby peeps. It was just about the best time ever. We ate snacks, drank beers, swam, went on a rope swing, came up with inventions (most involved poop, beer coozies, fun noodle accessories or some combination of the 3), and just generally had an awesome time. It made me really want a little cabin by a secluded lake. Maybe someday...

Weekend over.

Daniel Boone fun facts:

1. I am related to Daniel Boone.

2. Daniel Boone had a condition that caused him to lactate.

Friday, May 20, 2011


Is it possible that this is the best collection of Lazer Tag names ever (even though Mallory tried to ruin it)?

That place was great. I wanna go back.

In other news....a bunch of stuff has gone on since my last post. Some fun and some boring. I'm going to Milwaukee for a 4 day weekend. The end.

Monday, April 18, 2011

I feel just like Arnold

Here are some awesome quotes from Arnold Schwarzenegger about growing older and getting fatter:

"I feel terrific about where I am in my life, when I look back at what I've accomplished," the former governor tells Lloyd Grove. "But I feel so sh*tty when I look at myself in the mirror."

"I'm not competing, I'm not ripping off my shirt and trying to sell the body," the former governor frets. "But when I stand in front of the mirror and really look, I wonder: What the f*ck happened here? Jesus Christ. What a beating!"

In other news...I am bummed that I didn't get to go on the FBC bike ride last night because of Casey's tire, but life goes on. The valve broke off as we were giving it air. The doggies are getting their hair cut as we speak so I am excited to get home and see that. I wanted peanut to only be left with a pair of fuzzy pants, but I don't think Casey went for it. Maybe next year.

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Bee Logs

Man oh man has it been a long time since I have Bee Logged? Yes. The answer is yes. I missed a whole month somehow. I'm feeling pretty good about life I guess. Well I feel pretty good about life if I only talk to my friends and family and try not to think about how awful most people are. Forget about that for now though ok?

Some highlights of the last few weeks:

1. I did a run inside of a mine. It ruled hard. The running surface was mostly sand and water. They also setup obstacles every so often that you had to climb over or under. It was 3.7 miles, but I kind of wanted to do it again right after I finished. I have to give a special shout out to Nightmare who convinced me to do the race. She also convinced me and my special lady friend to sign up for a mud run in June. The website for the Mud Run says that you need to duct tape your shoes to your pants so that they don't get stuck in the mud. Wowsas. Here is a link to the mine run: SandMineChallenge.

2. The night before the mine run I went on a night bike ride with the FBC. It stands for the Fucking Bike Club. They go on night rides on every full moon. I have been meaning to go on one of their rides for years, but I am old and go to sleep early. I convinced myself to go and I am glad I did. It is pretty insane to have hundreds of bikers taking over the streets. I think I had the least cool bike there with my rusty mountain bike, but who am I trying to impress? Right before I went home I got to have some sips of Four Loko and Jeremiah Weed tall boy. Deeeelicious.

3. Casey and I both achieved our goal of being Vegan for the month of February. It was tough at first, but it felt good and got easier towards the end. It just takes a lot more planning.

Some more things happened, but I'm starting to bore the shit out of myself.

** Quick tip: Even though it sounds like a funny idea to not change any of the light bulbs in your house until they all burn is not a smart idea. I spent $80 on light bulbs last weekend.

Saturday, January 29, 2011

I feel like I should be giving you the finger

I was driving down Kingshighway this evening in the right lane. This lady was standing in the street (I think at a bus stop). She wasn't in my lane, but she was close enough that I moved over a little as to not buzz by her. I was driving at a regular speed. She gave me the finger. I'm still a little confused as to why, but maybe she thought I should have been giving her the finger and she opted for a preemptive strike. I guess it worked because I sure don't feel like I won the battle.

I sustained a push up injury on Wednesday. I'm not proud. I was at the WFM holiday partay at the City Museum. It was a good time, but it got to that point in the night when people start doing push ups (FYI- This signals the end of any partay). Of course I had to bust out some one armed push ups which went over well. Then people wanted to see how many times they could clap in between push ups. The answer is 1. If you try for 2 then you slam your body into your hands/arms/the concrete floor and feel like you broke your sternum. You also have to pretend that it didn't hurt really bad because then the one armed push ups wouldn't seem nearly as cool. It is really just a nagging pain at this point which is good. I might not die over this after all.

Some quick advice: Don't watch Black Swan and Precious in the same 24 hour period. You will feel strange.

Other: I am going to attempt the try not to be quite so fat plan #257 starting on Tuesday. The missus and I will try to eat a plant based diet for all of February. If anyone has any easy and delicious vegan recipes please send them my whey (get it?).